Is the pain in my mind?

I have had a very specific pain around my right ovary for the past four days. The pain worsened in the evenings, I slept it off after getting to sleep with the aid of the pain killers and my sheer exhaustion.  It felt like something was pushing inside, wanting to pass.  The acetaminophen & codeine-3 was barely hitting this very specific pain.

Late last night I considering going to the Emergency Room.  I knew that my doctor had said I shouldn’t travel to Europe if I was having pain.  Well I was in pain, the drugs weren’t stopping it, but I wasn’t doubled over with the pain, I was getting waves of pain, increasing intensity and then becoming dull but it was in this one particular spot.  I couldn’t ‘touch’ the pain, when I pushed down it didn’t hurt more or less.  Was I being stubborn or just simply stupid for ignoring this?  I read stories of women whose fallopian tubes had ruptured weeks after taking the methotrexate.  Surely this was a very rare event, it can’t be happening to me?  I cried a lot in my indecisiveness.  Chris even cried with me because he didn’t know how to help me – it was my decision to make whether or not to go to A&E – he felt helpless.  I didn’t want to go to hospital to spend a fortune for me to be sent home again – or worse – they wouldn’t be able see anything again on the ultrasound and end up opening me up. Chris asked me a very good question – was the pain in my mind?  Was I making it out to be worse than it was because I didn’t want to travel to Europe?  It was a harrowing question to think about.  It was definitely a possibility.  The mind can play cruel tricks.  But I eventually decided that in the morning if I still had that specific pain we would call my clinic or go to ER.  That was my line.

I woke up this morning PAIN FREE!!!! It was an amazing relief.  I was exhausted and felt like I had been out on the town all night, waking up with a hangover.  Oh how I wish that were the case!  But I felt free.  That was for about 3 hours….then the heavy bleeding and passing of clots continued along with all that type of associated pain.  But this pain I could deal with compared to the specific pain I was having the past four days.  Such a relief.

So here I am waiting for my flight to Europe.  After connecting flight #1 I have discovered that flying whilst still miscarrying is not the greatest idea I’ve ever had.  I could feel I was about to pass something, then of course there was turbulence and the seat belt sign came on.  The flight attendant barked at a little old lady to sit back down!  So I sat there in my seat hoping I would not leak everywhere (sorry – I know this is probably way too much information!!!).  20 minutes later I couldn’t sit still anymore, so I got up despite the turbulence and dashed to the toilet.  I sat on the toilet thinking how ridiculous this whole situation was and sobbed.  I am so glad I didn’t wear mascara today, in fact, mascara has not been part of my make-up regime for several weeks now.  I thought about all the things I would shout at the flight attendant if she gave me grief about getting up from my seat! Fortunately she was too busy to bark at me.

I just have a 9hr flight to London, followed by 2hr flight to Stockholm to survive this mess!  Wish me luck!!!

19 thoughts on “Is the pain in my mind?”

  1. My Perfect Breakdown says:
    Reply

    First, I’m really glad to hear that the pain has reduced! Second, I know the fear of flying while miscarrying – seriously it’s something I wish never to experience again and would never wish upon anyone! I hope your next flights go well. Sending you love my friend.

    Like

  3. EmilyMaine says:
    Reply

    Oh that whole period of passing clots and blood is just awful. I can’t imagine flying while experiencing it! You poor thing. That pain must have been the pregnancy finally coming away. I hope the rest of your travels go smoothly and that the trip is a success. x

    Like

    • thegreatpuddingclubhunt says:
      Reply

      Thanks! I am so unprepared for this trip it is unbelievable! Normally I would have learned a few words of the language (swedish) – and researched all the sights there are to see! That’s how distracting this whole crappy business has been! BUT, I hope some of my colleagues have done their research and will follow them around 🙂

      Like

  7. valleyally says:
    Reply

    Our brains are powerful things…never underestimate. It’s amazing the Chris thought to ask you that as realization is the key is to freedom. I hope the rest of your trip goes well, sounds like a another horrible experience for anyone to endure. Be kind to yourself! Safe travels!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. ashleykyleanderson says:
    Reply

    I’m so sorry to hear about this, but I’m glad you made it safely there. Would it be possible for you to email me your address? I have something for you that I would like to send. I don’t know when you’ll be back though, so maybe it’s best to wait until next week unless Chris can hang on to it for you. I am home now, but will be headed back down to FL for the funeral over the weekend, so I can mail it next Monday if that’s better. Let me know what you think. My email is ashleykyle.anderson@gmail.com.

    Like

  9. Pingback: The healing power of Stockholm and my Nobel Prize | The Great Pudding Club Hunt
  10. Pingback: 6 weeks post methotrexate treatment | The Great Pudding Club Hunt

Leave a comment