Has anyone ever said something to you along the lines of: “If you knew how much responsibility was involved in parenting you wouldn’t ache so much for a baby?” or worse, “Here, take my children then see if you still want a baby so much.”
People who say this to you most likely care for your well-being. It’s kind of like your bestie asking you just before you walk down the aisle – “are you absolutely sure you want to do this??”.
My Bridesmaids asking me: “Now are you sure you want marry this man?!?”
If anything, I am more certain of my future responsibilities because I have had much more time to think about them. I am lucky in the sense that I have the time to prepare. Some women may only have 9 months to prepare for their future responsibilities.
I understand that I will never fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until I become a parent myself. But please, let me dream about it for now.
The Great Pudding Club Hunt 
AMEN!!!!!! As well as other insensitive well intentioned things that come off as hurtful
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OMG my little sis (who is 7 years my younger and accidentally got pregnant and now has a 3 year old) said “are you SURE you want one of these?” to me at Thanksgiving while my niece was misbehaving. She says this ALL THE TIME but it really bothered me this time so I said “Yes, I have known since before (your child) was even conceived that this is what I want. So STOP asking me that question, I HATE that question!”. I thought she would be all pissy with me for the rest of the day like she normally is whenever I talk back to her but she was nice and sweet. Hopefully I never have to hear from it from her (or my mother) again.
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Wow!!! Good for you standing up for your feelings!!! This kind of proves that people say this with good intentions not knowing the consequences of how it comes across and once they realise it hurts understand.
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I think that “ignorance is bliss” can apply to both parties here. What the people who make these comments don’t realize is just how blissful their ignorance of infertility truly is. They don’t know what it’s like to be let down by your own body, they don’t know what it’s like to fight so hard for something that comes naturally to everyone else, and they don’t know what it’s like to constantly be hit by these insensitive comments in the midst of a hugely painful life crisis. Let yourself dream about it in the meantime, Dani. You will be a wonderful mother and have a much deeper appreciation for your children because you will understand just how precious and just how much of a miracle they really are. This road is hard, but I do feel grateful that I will take less for granted than many of those who have had easy roads.
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Yes! I guess ignorance is bliss is a real double entendre here!!! I think it hits hardest when it comes from someone who knows what you are going through, I think strangers and acquaintances I can just about handle!
I think that we will just be battle hardened in a different way and gratitude will be plentiful.
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Experiential knowledge is great, sure, but it is not the only form of knowing and doesn’t have the corner on truth, either. Before I got pregnant, I insisted I would be a really happy pregnant woman. I can’t count how many friends and family gave the “you don’t know until you KNOW” speech to me, because I “couldn’t understand” how hard pregnancy would be. Turns out I did know myself pretty well, though, and have been one of the happiest pregos I’ve ever met, despite tons of complications! Just because you don’t have first-hand experiential knowledge or “understanding” of what it will be like in the parenting trenches, I would venture to say you’re more than intelligent enough to form a guesstimate and you know yourself well enough to know how you respond, in general, to all the ups and downs of life. These kinds of people are the worst, suggesting they know you and the entire world better than you do!
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True that!!! 🙂
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Such stupid comments! Thoughtless peeps those ones!
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I was just about to say AMEN but Cesilee beat me to it! 😂 Really agree with this. I get it all the time… Also the snidey comments about work/money/going out. You know what – I would love to spend less time at work / have less money because I’m spending it on my kid / never go out because I’m looking after my kid! So shut up already! Thanks for putting it more articulately/politely than I could!
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YES I get that MONEY one all the time!!!!! Oh Dani can get this round, she doesn’t have kids! Ummmmm – so what!! You have NO IDEA what I need to spend my money on!!!
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