It’s still raw. We are still infertile. Infertility hasn’t suddenly left us. It has left a horrible wound and it hasn’t healed. We have not resolved our infertility. We struggled to conceive Aviana for 2.5 yrs and now she is 2.5 yrs old. We loved, cried, hurt, struggled, laughed, loved some more and lost. We may not be on the ‘infertility roller coaster’ right now as we wait. We don’t really know what we are waiting for, but infertility has STOLEN the freedom from us to build our family in the way we want to.
It’s ugly. We know what that roller coaster is like. We are not naïve newbies to this gig, it’s not any ordinary theme park roller coaster. It’s the roller coaster of your nightmares. It’s fast, it’s slow, it turns you upside down, it spins you around until you scream to let you off, it drowns you, it makes you sick to your stomach, it takes you high, it takes you low and deep underground, it transports you to another world, you are trapped and don’t know if you will ever get off. But we made it off that ride. So why would we want to get back on it knowing what we know today?
It affects our decision making in all things family building. I mean, most couples face the challenging question “Should we grow our family?” fertile or not. But add on the ugly that is infertility and it seriously warps your perspective in answering that question.
For this National Infertility Awareness Week, I want you to know that it still hurts and it will keep hurting, so please don’t forget us. For me it hurts in a different way than before. It can be so easy to forget my infertility….then suddenly BAM, a pregnant woman complains about her pregnancy, or BAM you find yourself staring at cute tiny baby outfits wondering if you will ever get the chance to fill your basket, or BAM someone asks you when you will give your daughter a sibling. BAM, it just comes out of nowhere. And that’s one of the differences of infertility second time around. Sometimes, it just doesn’t phase me, but other times it really does and it surprises me every. single. time.
This is #InfertilityUncovered. This is a side to infertility that can easily forgotten. So if you are out there, with a child already but your family incomplete because of infertility, you are not alone and your feelings matter.
For more information about Resolve’s National Infertility Awareness Week see: www.infertilityawareness.org