Today I am reflecting on time.
This week I turned 33 years old, and so I decided to celebrate all the threes, 33! I had a few friends over for an afternoon tea party and we learned how to knit. Yup….you may have been mistaken into thinking that I was actually having my 65th Birthday Party. But haven’t you heard? Knitting is totally hipster.
Thinking about turning 33 I realise that I am quickly heading towards 35. Yeh, yeh, that is two years away. But 35 is the age that women apparently ‘may find it more difficult to get pregnant’…note – it can be difficult, not impossible. And that is to be said for a woman who was supposedly more fertile than myself. So, if the next round of IVF is successful and we do decide to have a second child I would definitely be past 35 if we ever tried to conceive again. Not exactly what I had in mind! But time is never going to be on my side and I can’t cheat it!
Today as I did a bit of early spring cleaning, I took down our four photo frames Chris and I put together for our Wedding day. They were starting to curl and look a bit raggedy.
I peeled the photos off the frame and I noticed the lack of wrinkles on my face in some of the photos. A couple were from over eight years ago when Chris and I first met. As I look in the mirror today I see my slightly more pronounced furrow lines and wonder how much my life experience impacts these lines. Often we associate wrinkles with ‘wisdom in life’, and I sure feel like that. Since I met Chris we have done incredible things in our lives. If I were to die today I would think I had led a pretty amazing life and would go with a smile. But experience and wisdom doesn’t simply come from the good things in life, it’s also the bad things. I think it’s difficult to truly appreciate the good things without experiencing some pain. So when I see those furrow lines in the mirror I don’t just see time fading, I see time enriching me.
“The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it.” – Jean Paul Sartre
With infertility, I want time to pass quickly, I’m always waiting. The dreaded two week wait (How many of those have I written about on this blog now??!), waiting to start treatment or waiting to end treatment! But I don’t want it to pass so quickly that my furrows grow deeper and I realise too late that infertility made me accidentally press the pause button on gaining that life experience and wisdom – the good, bad and ugly.
So as I move forward into 2016, my new year’s resolution is to embrace time and make every bit of sand in that hourglass of life count for something.