A cold. A simple cold is all I have right now. But this cold is just enough to tip me over and make me want to scream…”WHY ME??” Why can’t I just grab a break in this crappy infertility journey??
Warning – I’m throwing myself a pity party.
I’m not asking for much am I? Something that can come so easily for some, and yet here we are – lives on hold, physically and emotionally tired of it all. The drugs, the pain, the hurt, the time and money spent. It’s a lot to be taking on.
This time last year we were preparing for our third IUI; if you asked me then what I would be doing in a years time, I’d tell you we’d be out on an adventure with our newborn baby. I had so much hope and confidence then. I have hope now, just not the confidence. The confidence I once had in this medical treatment has gone.
We have put our all into this trying to conceive business. And so where in my life I have put in good effort, I generally get out what I want from it. But I haven’t got what I wanted within 2.5 years of effort. No one can tell us we haven’t tried our hardest…we have literally given our blood, sweat and tears to this.
But the Rolling Stones Song “You can’t always get what you want” plays around in my head when I tell myself these things.
“You can’t always get what you want….
But if you try, sometimes you just might find…
You get what you need”
And I have got what I need…my husband’s deep love, a true test of my friendships, meeting and knowing some inspiring and uplifting women in the TTC community. I’m grateful for that. But I still want what I want!!!!! A child to love, cherish and nurture together with Chris.
Our journey to get what we want is not over yet, I know this, but maybe I am going to find something I didn’t think I needed along the way? I just wish I knew – I wish I had a “look into the future” card to play. I’d play that card right now, just to have a sneak peak.
All because this cold is tipping me over the edge right now. A stupid cold. It’s not even a serious cold. How stupid is that??