Creeping thoughts

I have had some spotting everyday since Friday – just the teeniest amount here and there.  Every time I go to the toilet I feel sick to my stomach as I wipe and check the tissue with apprehension.  I hold my pee just so I delay having to see the blood.  I can feel my stomach starting to bloat, with a feeling of emptiness.

My app tells me I am 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant today and huckleberry is the size of a chocolate chip.  But is huckleberry in there?  Perhaps huckleberry is no longer there, may be he never developed after implantation, or may be he is hanging on for us to see him once again on the ultrasound tomorrow…

Time is dragging and the fog creeps thick around us, we try to keep busy, but it’s impossible to hide our deepest thoughts.  I know that tomorrow is going to be a good day, whatever happens we will have some of the answers to many of our questions.

This post may sound depressive, but I promise you I am not – just sad and anxious, and I think it is OK to be feeling like this right now, it would probably be a bit weird if I didn’t.