A little thought

Before I get into this post I just wanted to say….

I received so much love from you all on my last post I can’t thank you enough for your kind words.  Donald Trump might stupidly say that “He knows words.  He knows all the words.” (Please, please America don’t let him be your next president) But actually you guys have all the words and know how to say them just right -for the whole time I have been blogging here on the GPCH your words have meant that I have managed to get through this journey without going insane.  Thank you so, so much XX

OK here is my little thought….

Someday we will probably show our child their first ever photo.  Chris and I have joked that it would be the best photo for a wedding speech.

blastocyst 3BB blastocyst 3CB

But here Rocky is…with his sister or brother that never made it.  This is just heart wrenching and would probably be a bit uncomfortable for some people who twig that we only had one child.  So perhaps we won’t ever show this photo at their wedding, but I will definitely want to show it to them at some point in their life.

I’m not going to lie, I have struggled a little bit with the fact that one of our embabies didn’t make it. It’s been even harder as there are several ladies in my local support group who recently also went through IVF just after me, all of them have found out they are having twins.  And a few ladies on Instagram who went through their IVF cycles the same time as me also found out they are having twins (two are even having identical twins!).

I know that having twins is not easy, but I can’t help but mourn the loss of Rocky’s brother or sister and ask myself – why?  Sometimes I even get jealous of these lovely ladies and I know that is a terrible feeling to have because I am SOOOOOOOO lucky to have one wonderful baby inside me right now.

Infertility is complicated. I read an article that Resolve published an advertised recently on their facebook.  Reading it helped me put into perspective these kinds of feelings I have. I hope you find it interesting too…

infertilty wounds

Read here: “Healing the Wound of Infertility”

Double Trouble: options for elective single embryo transfer

Double trouble can only mean one thing – twins!  A couple of weeks ago our friend recently gave birth to two handsome little boys – fraternal twins.  I visited them after they were just a few days old, and as I held one of the boys I tried to imagine how it was possible to fit two of these little babies in anyone’s tummy!  I know they are curled up pretty tight in there, but seriously – it must be magic!  I am so amazed at how my friend carried these two boys to full term and not break her back!  I am also super impressed that she avoided a c-section, despite one of her boys being breach – what a super mum (mom).  And I am under no false impressions that it was easy!  So all this got me thinking about our first IVF cycle and the number of Embryos we will transfer…and our chances of twins.

Now…Chris and I have already discussed and agreed that we are OK with multiples…we had to make that decision when we had our IUIs, in fact for one of my IUIs I had three follicles, so there was always a chance for triplets! Yikes Treble Trouble.  But being OK with multiples is not the same as actively desiring multiples.  For IUI, it was kind of out of our hands how any eggs would fertilise and implant, it was still very natural.  But for IVF, we kind of have a choice.  Our clinic typically transfers 2 embryos for women <35 and first round of IVF, but of course, we can choose to just transfer 1.

I read somewhere that 29% of IVF patients said that twins were a desirable outcome.  Why?  Well it’s kind of like BOGOF (buy one get one free).  IVF treatment doesn’t come cheap, both financially and emotionally, so I can understand this logic.  But for me this is all about probability and gambling….not with money, but with needles and drugs.  Sure it costs $$$$s but fortunately we have it covered by insurance. It’s the emotional and physical cost that I am particularly nervous about.  I have no clue what it will be like, so I feel like for our first IVF round we can’t make a firm decision just yet how many embryos we will transfer. I want to wait and see what all these hormones are like first and what our doctor’s prognosis will be when the time comes.twins

However, that doesn’t stop me looking into it now.  Whilst I was surfing the web for more info on this subject I discovered an article that my RE had commented on regarding the a study that had shown single embryo beat double embryo transfer.  Her point of view on the study was very vanilla and cautious! Random. I also found that the CDC provide a good little list of things to consider for elective Single Embryo Transfer.

So for now this topic lays to rest until we get a bit closer to transfer day.  But until then, I’ll keep educating myself on what it might be like to be a mother of twins as well as help out our friend however we can with their teeny bundles of joy 🙂  So it’s not just double trouble – it’s also double the adorable 🙂