I was really mean to Chris the other night. I mean really mean and I feel bad about it. We were in bed together and just about to switch out the lights when Chris asked
“Can I touch your tummy?”.
Now, I hate, hate hate my tummy being touched after eating dinner, I just hate the feeling, something probably related to my Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). But even so, Chris wasn’t just being polite….so with a slight quizzical look said
Chris rather coyly replied
“Because…..well….there might be a baby in there!”.
Oh. I can’t remember exactly what I said next because I had mixed thoughts at the time. But I know whatever it was, it wasn’t very thoughtful. I argued that that he shouldn’t get his hopes up because the chances of our success were low. Then we argued about the statistics of IUI vs natural conception. And so we rolled away from each other after our mini dispute agreeing to disagree and the lights went out. After about 30 seconds in the dark, I felt guilty, terribly guilty. I have been trying to not get my hopes high with this IUI because I’m afraid of them just being put back down, again… so there I was, trying to put Chris’s hopes down too. In the darkness, I quickly apologized for being mean. He said it was OK. I couldn’t get to sleep for an hour or so after this brief incident because I was lamenting on why I felt so guilty. Really it’s because I realised I had not considered him and his feelings, I was selfish and temporarily forgot that actually there are two of us on this journey together and I am not alone.