For the last nine days I’ve had a break from blogging and we are on a break from trying to conceive. I needed both a bit of mental break and a physical break, trying to catch a breather in preparation for our ‘Next Steps’ appointment with our RE tomorrow. But taking a break hasn’t been plain sailing. I have had a couple of ‘break downs’ in the last few days, mostly ending with me snapping at Chris and/or crying as a a snivelling mess. Why? Because I hate this limbo ‘not knowing’ business.
Unexplained infertility is a sucky non explanation for why we haven’t been able to conceive so far, even with a little help. There are so many questions I have that may never be answered…and it is difficult to get out of this hole of asking “why?” and “what if?”. Chris has been amazing, he is strong and can handle my random outbursts of crying, reminding me not to bottle all up. But I can see it in him too, he has the same questions as me. I know at tomorrow’s appointment we will not have many of these questions answered immediately, but it will help make the path a little clearer in the next steps. It’s the baby steps I need to help keep me sane, a break has so far been physically good for my body but mentally it has been hard.
So where better to get one’s self out of a dark hole? The great dismal swamp…this place can take your breath away, and can be anything but dismal. The swamp is huge, over 112 000 acres and in the heart of this wildlife refuge is an amazing lake, lake Drummond, that is an impressive 3000 acres. Apparently it is one of two only natural lakes in Virginia.
The swamp also has a lot of history steeped in it, particularly as this is where many fugitive slaves lived, under the cover the swamp land. I’ll tell you something, the mosquitoes are horrific in the summer. This wildlife refuge is always so quiet, and it is easy to quickly feel like you are in complete wilderness, it is anything but dismal.
This time of year is renowned for rare warbler birds and many stunning butterflies. So today we took our bikes and got on the trails. In addition to the many sightings of deer we were pleasantly surprised to see thousands of hairy caterpillars, munching so loudly it sounded like it was raining in the swamp.
I feel refreshed this evening after our mini trip to the swamp. No more tears, I’ve promised Chris this, for at least a few more days anyway 😉 I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to our appointment tomorrow…..