And time stands still….

Time is standing still – nothing has changed in our lives, well not in the way we planned for anyway.  And everyone else is moving forward.  I noticed this today as I realised our hopes have not yet come to fruition.

In April 2014 I went back to the UK for a school friend’s wedding; it was the first time I’d seen some old friends for quite some time and my friend who was getting married lives in Australia so it was soooo good to catch up – in style of course!  I wasn’t drinking at the time – there was a free bar – so I braved telling a couple of my friends that Chris and I were trying for a baby.  I remember being EXCITED yet nervous.  14 months later, and I am going back to the UK for another wedding.  I will see people I haven’t seen in 14 months and some people I haven’t seen since school!!!!  What’s my story this time?  Why am I not drinking? Well it’s the same story – Chris and I are trying for a baby.  But this time I’m going to feel sad, I’m not sure I can face actually saying the words out loud this time without a tear in my eye.

So my plan of attack is to drink….Well drink a little bit – or walk around with a glass in my hand at least.  Part of me also thinks – what does a bit of alcohol matter?  Well I will be about 6DPO at the wedding (I don’t know for sure because I haven’t tracked my cycle, I’m guestimating).  Darn it!!! I’m going to feel guilty drinking more than one.

And so time has stood still – I just ‘liked’ about ten posts on facebook all relating to babies becoming toddlers, toddlers becoming kindergarten kids.  Babies I have still yet to meet, who won’t be babies when I do meet them.  Time continues to grow and build lives outside of mine.  I’m grateful that I have a happy and fortunate life.  Life really could be worse.  I’m not being depressive.  Please do not worry!!! I am just being observant, sensing and feeling about time more than I ordinarily do – that is all.



9 thoughts on “And time stands still….

  1. My Perfect Breakdown says:

    You know, it seems crazy to say this but I’ll say it anyways, cuz why not? I was told by our RE to drink anytime before a positive pregnancy test, because until implantation occurs and you share a blood stream there is no way the baby will be impacted by the alcohol. And now that we are into the adoption stuff, we keep being told the exact same thing – pretty much anything before 4 weeks doesn’t matter (of course not in extreme excess, that’s just never a good idea). So, I say have a drink and try not to worry about it.
    But, whatever you decide, I hope you have a fun time and aren’t too anxious the entire evening trying to figure out what to say to anyone that might ask.


  2. Nara says:

    I had my first day yesterday since getting a positive test (wtf? Me!) at an event I’d organised at work. Needless to say there was bubbly (I organised it!). T (my partner) said just to accept drinks and walk around with it in my hand and not drink it and nobody will notice. I did and nobody did! Much easier than saying “I’m not drinking” which us obviously out of character for me. Another idea he had was to order “gin and tonic” that’s just lemonade or tonic. You don’t have to explain to people if you don’t want to. I hope the wedding goes well. I know how you feel about Facebook. For a long time I avoided liking child and baby related pictures. Now I force myself to do it and tell myself that it’s not their fault they’re fertile and I’m not. But it is hard sometimes. I hope you have a good time on your trip back. (It’s actually sunny in the UK for once!)


    • thegreatpuddinglcubhunt says:

      Oh wow!!! This is amazing news!!! I just caught up with your blog…your first scan is not long off! Fingers crossed for you everything goes nice and smoothly 🙂 Your idea of carrying a glass around was a great idea. It worked well, no one noticed!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Nara says:

        Ah thank you! Yes the first scan is the week after next. Seems weird! I still don’t get how they calculate the weeks. I also went to the pub today for Sunday lunch and managed not to order a bottle of rosé as I usually would! My friend was a bit surprised I think! 😉


  3. Erin says:

    I’ve been feeling this way lately too since we’re not doing any treatments until the fall. My pilot husband likes to say we’re in a holding pattern. In the meantime, I say have a drink and enjoy your trip back home!


    • thegreatpuddinglcubhunt says:

      holding pattern, great analogy – ughhhh very frustrating when you are so close!!! Probably more so for pilots. But at least, as a passenger, holding patterns give you time to ‘get your things together’ so you can get off the plane quick and maybe ‘read another chapter in a good book’ 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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