Time is standing still – nothing has changed in our lives, well not in the way we planned for anyway. And everyone else is moving forward. I noticed this today as I realised our hopes have not yet come to fruition.
In April 2014 I went back to the UK for a school friend’s wedding; it was the first time I’d seen some old friends for quite some time and my friend who was getting married lives in Australia so it was soooo good to catch up – in style of course! I wasn’t drinking at the time – there was a free bar – so I braved telling a couple of my friends that Chris and I were trying for a baby. I remember being EXCITED yet nervous. 14 months later, and I am going back to the UK for another wedding. I will see people I haven’t seen in 14 months and some people I haven’t seen since school!!!! What’s my story this time? Why am I not drinking? Well it’s the same story – Chris and I are trying for a baby. But this time I’m going to feel sad, I’m not sure I can face actually saying the words out loud this time without a tear in my eye.
So my plan of attack is to drink….Well drink a little bit – or walk around with a glass in my hand at least. Part of me also thinks – what does a bit of alcohol matter? Well I will be about 6DPO at the wedding (I don’t know for sure because I haven’t tracked my cycle, I’m guestimating). Darn it!!! I’m going to feel guilty drinking more than one.
And so time has stood still – I just ‘liked’ about ten posts on facebook all relating to babies becoming toddlers, toddlers becoming kindergarten kids. Babies I have still yet to meet, who won’t be babies when I do meet them. Time continues to grow and build lives outside of mine. I’m grateful that I have a happy and fortunate life. Life really could be worse. I’m not being depressive. Please do not worry!!! I am just being observant, sensing and feeling about time more than I ordinarily do – that is all.