Is the pain in my mind?

I have had a very specific pain around my right ovary for the past four days. The pain worsened in the evenings, I slept it off after getting to sleep with the aid of the pain killers and my sheer exhaustion.  It felt like something was pushing inside, wanting to pass.  The acetaminophen & codeine-3 was barely hitting this very specific pain.

Late last night I considering going to the Emergency Room.  I knew that my doctor had said I shouldn’t travel to Europe if I was having pain.  Well I was in pain, the drugs weren’t stopping it, but I wasn’t doubled over with the pain, I was getting waves of pain, increasing intensity and then becoming dull but it was in this one particular spot.  I couldn’t ‘touch’ the pain, when I pushed down it didn’t hurt more or less.  Was I being stubborn or just simply stupid for ignoring this?  I read stories of women whose fallopian tubes had ruptured weeks after taking the methotrexate.  Surely this was a very rare event, it can’t be happening to me?  I cried a lot in my indecisiveness.  Chris even cried with me because he didn’t know how to help me – it was my decision to make whether or not to go to A&E – he felt helpless.  I didn’t want to go to hospital to spend a fortune for me to be sent home again – or worse – they wouldn’t be able see anything again on the ultrasound and end up opening me up. Chris asked me a very good question – was the pain in my mind?  Was I making it out to be worse than it was because I didn’t want to travel to Europe?  It was a harrowing question to think about.  It was definitely a possibility.  The mind can play cruel tricks.  But I eventually decided that in the morning if I still had that specific pain we would call my clinic or go to ER.  That was my line.

I woke up this morning PAIN FREE!!!! It was an amazing relief.  I was exhausted and felt like I had been out on the town all night, waking up with a hangover.  Oh how I wish that were the case!  But I felt free.  That was for about 3 hours….then the heavy bleeding and passing of clots continued along with all that type of associated pain.  But this pain I could deal with compared to the specific pain I was having the past four days.  Such a relief.

So here I am waiting for my flight to Europe.  After connecting flight #1 I have discovered that flying whilst still miscarrying is not the greatest idea I’ve ever had.  I could feel I was about to pass something, then of course there was turbulence and the seat belt sign came on.  The flight attendant barked at a little old lady to sit back down!  So I sat there in my seat hoping I would not leak everywhere (sorry – I know this is probably way too much information!!!).  20 minutes later I couldn’t sit still anymore, so I got up despite the turbulence and dashed to the toilet.  I sat on the toilet thinking how ridiculous this whole situation was and sobbed.  I am so glad I didn’t wear mascara today, in fact, mascara has not been part of my make-up regime for several weeks now.  I thought about all the things I would shout at the flight attendant if she gave me grief about getting up from my seat! Fortunately she was too busy to bark at me.

I just have a 9hr flight to London, followed by 2hr flight to Stockholm to survive this mess!  Wish me luck!!!

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19 thoughts on “Is the pain in my mind?

  1. My Perfect Breakdown says:

    First, I’m really glad to hear that the pain has reduced! Second, I know the fear of flying while miscarrying – seriously it’s something I wish never to experience again and would never wish upon anyone! I hope your next flights go well. Sending you love my friend.

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  2. EmilyMaine says:

    Oh that whole period of passing clots and blood is just awful. I can’t imagine flying while experiencing it! You poor thing. That pain must have been the pregnancy finally coming away. I hope the rest of your travels go smoothly and that the trip is a success. x

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    • thegreatpuddingclubhunt says:

      Thanks! I am so unprepared for this trip it is unbelievable! Normally I would have learned a few words of the language (swedish) – and researched all the sights there are to see! That’s how distracting this whole crappy business has been! BUT, I hope some of my colleagues have done their research and will follow them around 🙂

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  3. valleyally says:

    Our brains are powerful things…never underestimate. It’s amazing the Chris thought to ask you that as realization is the key is to freedom. I hope the rest of your trip goes well, sounds like a another horrible experience for anyone to endure. Be kind to yourself! Safe travels!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. ashleykyleanderson says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about this, but I’m glad you made it safely there. Would it be possible for you to email me your address? I have something for you that I would like to send. I don’t know when you’ll be back though, so maybe it’s best to wait until next week unless Chris can hang on to it for you. I am home now, but will be headed back down to FL for the funeral over the weekend, so I can mail it next Monday if that’s better. Let me know what you think. My email is ashleykyle.anderson@gmail.com.

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