I have had a very specific pain around my right ovary for the past four days. The pain worsened in the evenings, I slept it off after getting to sleep with the aid of the pain killers and my sheer exhaustion. It felt like something was pushing inside, wanting to pass. The acetaminophen & codeine-3 was barely hitting this very specific pain.
Late last night I considering going to the Emergency Room. I knew that my doctor had said I shouldn’t travel to Europe if I was having pain. Well I was in pain, the drugs weren’t stopping it, but I wasn’t doubled over with the pain, I was getting waves of pain, increasing intensity and then becoming dull but it was in this one particular spot. I couldn’t ‘touch’ the pain, when I pushed down it didn’t hurt more or less. Was I being stubborn or just simply stupid for ignoring this? I read stories of women whose fallopian tubes had ruptured weeks after taking the methotrexate. Surely this was a very rare event, it can’t be happening to me? I cried a lot in my indecisiveness. Chris even cried with me because he didn’t know how to help me – it was my decision to make whether or not to go to A&E – he felt helpless. I didn’t want to go to hospital to spend a fortune for me to be sent home again – or worse – they wouldn’t be able see anything again on the ultrasound and end up opening me up. Chris asked me a very good question – was the pain in my mind? Was I making it out to be worse than it was because I didn’t want to travel to Europe? It was a harrowing question to think about. It was definitely a possibility. The mind can play cruel tricks. But I eventually decided that in the morning if I still had that specific pain we would call my clinic or go to ER. That was my line.
I woke up this morning PAIN FREE!!!! It was an amazing relief. I was exhausted and felt like I had been out on the town all night, waking up with a hangover. Oh how I wish that were the case! But I felt free. That was for about 3 hours….then the heavy bleeding and passing of clots continued along with all that type of associated pain. But this pain I could deal with compared to the specific pain I was having the past four days. Such a relief.
So here I am waiting for my flight to Europe. After connecting flight #1 I have discovered that flying whilst still miscarrying is not the greatest idea I’ve ever had. I could feel I was about to pass something, then of course there was turbulence and the seat belt sign came on. The flight attendant barked at a little old lady to sit back down! So I sat there in my seat hoping I would not leak everywhere (sorry – I know this is probably way too much information!!!). 20 minutes later I couldn’t sit still anymore, so I got up despite the turbulence and dashed to the toilet. I sat on the toilet thinking how ridiculous this whole situation was and sobbed. I am so glad I didn’t wear mascara today, in fact, mascara has not been part of my make-up regime for several weeks now. I thought about all the things I would shout at the flight attendant if she gave me grief about getting up from my seat! Fortunately she was too busy to bark at me.
I just have a 9hr flight to London, followed by 2hr flight to Stockholm to survive this mess! Wish me luck!!!