It doesn’t seem fair that you existed in this world for 5 days, but we pressed the pause button.
We have frozen you in a moment in time, but we don’t get to meet you for a while yet.
You are known as the power of life, but we pay $60 a month to keep you just so. It’s such a small cost in comparison.
You made it against all odds to grow strong, to be the strongest as you could in just 5 days, but we needed you to wait a while whilst my body repaired itself.
It’s been two years of knowing you, but we don’t know what the colour of your hair is meant to be, whose eyes you are meant to have, whether you have your father’s smarts or your mother’s craziness.
Will your sister ever get to play with you? What do we tell her if you don’t get to play together? ….And if you do, how do we tell her that you have been in this world longer than her? It’s a mind blowing thought.
How can we ever make a decision not to meet you? How do we make a decision instead that would result in us giving you to some researcher that will never think of you in the way that we do. How do we make a decision that you are better off not with us?
I tell myself that you sing to yourself ‘The cold never bothered me anyway….It’s hard to imagine you with your own personality. Your own you. But we try to keep it clinical because that’s how we can cope, but it’s hard to not let our minds wonder to happiness and completeness.
Your existence in itself is both awesome but a challenge. I wish it wasn’t a challenge, but it’s not so simple. I wish we could look into that magic crystal ball and it tell us that you will be fine, it will tell us that you will fight to be here with us and you will win. We will win. The world will win to have you with us. It would tell us you are small but mighty.
2 thoughts on “Our Frozen Embryo”
Wow, that was real.
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…the struggle after infertility to decide if you really are crazy enough to start the battle again. I wish I didn’t know how that felt.