‘Tis the season…Pt 2

December 13, 2015December 13, 20156 Comments

‘Tis the season to be jolly. True. But my feelings can’t help but be a bit up-and-down like a see-saw. So I decided to split my post into two. Depending on how you are feeling this season, you may only want to read one or the other. Maybe you feel a little bit like me, so read both!

Pt 1: ‘Tis the season to be jolly

Pt 2: ‘Tis the season to be not so jolly

‘Tis the season to be not so jolly

I already blogged about the difficulties of the holiday season for those of us struggling with infertility (my post is here), so I won’t cover old ground. But this isn’t always the season to be jolly. And as much as I have equally had lot’s of jolly things going on, I have recognised that life isn’t always quite so jolly at this time of year.

1. Gift Shopping. I hate shopping at the best of times, and shopping with the Christmas crowds – my worst nightmare – I’ve written about this before. Shopping for baby gifts – EUGHHHH. I am an emotional roller coaster with this one! I love buying cute baby stuff, but when I see cute baby Christmas stuff – especially adorable onesies with “My 1st Christmas” I’m a wreck. I don’t think I need to say anymore about this one.

2. Distance. I am a few thousand miles from some of my greatest friends and of course my family. So when my mum told me she had received my Christmas Parcel and cried, I cried. Damn it. It’s not easy being far from loved ones at this time of year. We have had lovely offers from friends inviting us over to theirs for Christmas Day, but in fact this is something we just can’t do this year. We are going to start our own family traditions – I wrote about that already – we are excited to do this, but it’s not easy to do. Some people may say that we are lucky we don’t have to deal with ‘forced family reunions’ with nosey inquisitive family members; but even if we were back in the UK we are lucky that we have the most supportive family that this wouldn’t happen for us.

3. Trying to Conceive. Officially we are allowed to try to conceive again, but I have mixed emotions about it. I wrote a separate post about it so I won’t repeat it, but this has been playing my mind this week.

4. Facebook. A friend posted on facebook what seemed to be a pregnancy announcement, until you get to the bottom of the long carefully written post and realise they are just talking about santa clause. It was poor taste for someone like me struggling to get pregnant…but even more so because I felt sad that this couple may just find them selves to be one of the “1 in 8 facing infertility” one day. I wanted to tell them it was in poor taste, but then realised that I would just come across as a scrooge bag as so many people had already commented how funny it was.

5. Money worries. As my credit card bares the scars of many swipes this holiday season and our bill from the infertility clinic shows up with a surprise payment from September, I have the constant feeling of every penny counts. Actually, we are very fortunate to be in a comfortable financial position, but I want to keep our options open for the future and don’t want to close a door because I didn’t keep control of our outgoings. But Christmas is a time for giving, so in general I don’t feel guilty for the gifts I purchase or the charities we give to – it’s just the gifts that Chris and I give each other and the seemingly endless nights of eating out that make me feel guilty!!!

6. Coping with loss. This applies to anyone who has lost a loved one, not just those who have had to deal with losing a child, as well as anyone who has experienced loss of something of their physical self. Ultimately the Christmas holidays plays heavy on the heart of someone who has lost their hopes and dreams. As I sip my cup of tea in my new mug “When it rains look for rainbows” this reminds me to remember the positive things and love that I have been lucky to have experienced and made me a richer person, and “When it’s dark look for stars”, this reminds me to look up and remember our dreams are still out there and we are being watched over. It’s still difficult, and gets harder getting closer to the big day itself.

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you nothing about. Be kind. Always.

We have far more jollynesss to keep us going for the festive season but it’s these kinds of things that remind me it isn’t easy for everyone, and even more so for many more people who don’t have the jolly things I described in my earlier post.

On the subject of coping with the festive season. Resolve has an excellent fact sheet about coping with the holidays (here) – it provides a collection of great articles I recommend for reading over a cup of tea. You may need some tissues to go with that too.

O-Day

December 13, 201514 Comments

Chris and I shower together – we have a bath that has two shower heads at either end, so we share. It’s impossible to switch either one off, so we have to shower together to save on the water!!! It was a bit weird at first, but we have discovered this is the one time of day that we can have a conversation without interruptions. Today, as we were getting in the shower together Chris asked me

“when will it be baby making time?”.

I knew it was today. Today is ovulation day. I don’t need an ovulation predictor kit to tell me this. I am just so experienced at it, I just know when it’s going to happen. All the signs and symptoms are here. O-Day.

I turned to Chris and said that I am not sure I want to try this month. (For some quite selfish reasons I’ll go into a minute.) He said “Maybe if we are not trying our hardest, we are not ready to become parents”. I told him that is a perception not a fact…. I was pretty mad at him for saying that.

….And then I just burst into tears.

I can tell you that being in the shower whilst crying is a great place to be. You can cry your hardest and it just doesn’t matter where the tears and snot roll down you face.

Let me tell you why I cried. I cried because I do feel selfish. I thought about not trying this month because my period is due on my Birthday, a few days after Christmas. Between O-day and then (the dreaded two week wait) I would feel guilty for every sip of alcohol I drink. Which will mean I will not want to drink. But I LOVE Christmas drinks – mulled wine, bubbly, mimosas, red wine, hod toddies, baileys coffee, port. I’m not an alcoholic BTW!! Last year, I had a couple of Christmas drinks knowing there was a chance I could be pregnant.

I am also going to be in the 2 week wait worry – and I am out of practice of this. The last time I was in the 2WW worry I remember feeling incredibly emotional. I have just got over being sad about the way things worked out after IVF 1. I want to be emotionally sound going into IVF 2. If I get a negative test (which will happen to be on my Birthday by the way) I get yet another punch in the stomach that I can’t get pregnant on my own. To which I already know this. Why do I want to mess with my sanity when I am in a good place right now? I would love to not go through another round of IVF. Seriously, it would be the best thing in the world.

Unexplained infertility leaves you with feelings of ‘There is nothing stopping you get pregnant’. Maybe we could get pregnant without medical intervention. So I then have a huge rack of guilt. Surely if I want a baby then these things all shouldn’t matter – I should just suck it up.

Chris says he understands. But honestly, I don’t think he understands how I truly feel, it is difficult to understand unless you have felt it. Yes, he feels the pain of this too. But it’s not his body that wakes up everyday in the two week wait, hoping – losing hope with every twinge your body makes. It turns your inside out, it makes you feel sick, it makes you well up on the verge of tears, it eats you alive. Infertility does this. It puts you in position of feeling guilty for not trying your hardest. But sometimes you want to screw up that infertility and throw it in the “just fuck-it bucket”.

I haven’t decided yet. My feelings are mixed and confused right now.

‘Tis the season…Pt 1.

December 13, 2015December 13, 20156 Comments

Pt 1: ‘Tis the season to be jolly

Pt 2: ’tis the season to be not so jolly

Pt 1: ‘Tis the season to be jolly

I don’t know why I love the festive season. Maybe it’s the food, maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s the gift giving/receiving, maybe it’s the family coming together or maybe it’s just that time when the year is coming to an end where you can draw a line under the past 12 months and feel excited to start afresh with the New Year. Or, in my case, perhaps it’s because it is also my Birthday ;-p

This is the first Christmas we will spend in Virginia. The first Christmas in the US we spent it in Vermont skiing, this is where we decided to make a go of becoming parents. The second Christmas we returned back to the UK and rented a cottage so both our families could stay with us for the holidays. This third Christmas is less exciting in comparison, we are staying put. But this is exciting to me because I can finally buy Chris a gift that is bigger than my suitcase!!!

This past week has been filled with festivities abound. Not just in the physical sense, but the emotional sense too. Here is a summary of the amazingness (or jolly, if you like) that I have experienced so far:

1. Home made mince pies. If you read one of my previous posts you will know that these are not easy to come by in the US. I made Nigella Lawson’s Domestic Goddess Cranberry studded mincemeat pies (recipe here).

Home made Cranberry Studded Mincemeat star topped pies

My goodness, that pastry was so flaky and the mincemeat so juicy I couldn’t believe that I actually made them. I shared them with some of my non-British colleagues at work who were intrigued as to what these ‘mincemeat pies’ were. They didn’t spit it out in front of my face so that had to be a good thing 🙂

2. Decorating my house with a CHRISTMAS TREE!!! The first time in the US! OK so we still didn’t buy a real christmas tree, we wanted to see how our terrorquisitive cat Diesel would deal with one. So we bought a small fake one. He eats anything that has a dangly bit or rubber on it. So far so good…everything remains in one piece and the tree still stands.

It’s starting to look a lot like Christmas!

I also treated myself to one of those German wooden spinning pinwheels. I have wanted one for aaaaages. Every time I go to Germany I go to buy one and realise I don’t have enough room in my bags. Plus they are quite expensive!

I don’t know why I love it so much!!!

When the lady at TJMaxx rung it up, she exclaimed -“$40 for that!!!!”, I pointed out that in Gemany these were usually over $100. Anyway, I love it.

3. My first Resolve support group meeting. Resolve is the US national infertility association and they provide various forms of support for people with infertility. I picked up a flyer from my clinic about this local Resolve monthly meeting about 8 months ago when we were going through our third IUI procedure. I left it in my ‘to do’ pile of paper work and each month thought about going and never got round to it. Finally I got round to it!!! I am so pleased I did. I met some lovely ladies who just get it. It was good to talk, and good to listen to their stories too. I will definitely be going again.

4. The #TTCMugExchange2015. I participated in the Mug Exchange that Chelsea from Starbucks, Peace and Pursuit of a Baby organised. This week I received my mug and a few extra lovely goodies!

I was spoilt with a box of goodies as well as a mug, cosy socks, an Irish Angel of Hope and a travel journal.

The mug I received was so beautiful. Quite honestly, I think it is the best one I have seen 🙂

My exchange partner is a bright and bubbly girl from Northern Ireland, she was originally told she would have to do IVF privately but just found out that the NHS will do IUI, so she is preparing for her first treatment!!! She doesn’t blog, but is on Instagram. As a result I’ve taken to trying out Instagram you can follow me @thegreatpuddingclubhunt if you have an account!

5. Just feeling the love around me. We have received lots of invites for Christmas day so we are not alone; we have received lots of cards sending us well wishes and Christmas pressies that now sit under our tree. And sometimes, it’s the little things that make a difference. At a work gathering our big boss spoke about a whole bunch of work things and then he turned to talking about the holidays. He pointed out that this is the time to look around at our neighbours and check they are doing OK. The holiday season can be difficult for some people, and if we notice someone looking sad, down or simply stressed, take a minute to stop and ask “Are you doing OK?” then listen.

3 months post Methotrexate

December 10, 201516 Comments

Today marks the day that 3 months ago I took the methotrexate shot to terminate my suspected ectopic pregnancy. Today is an important day for Chris and I because we are officially allowed to try to conceive again! Woohoo!!! We were on a ban from conceiving just in case I got pregnant and the methotrexate was still in my system causing damage to the embryo.

Three months has flown by…I have kept myself busy with work travels and finishing off various projects at work before the end of the year. Also preparing for Christmas has been a nice distraction too. Now all that is left to do is make some time for a few parties to see in the new year.

You cannot believe how much I am looking forward to 2016 and our next round of IVF treatment 🙂 yup….this craazy lady here is looking forward to being stabbed in the tummy with needles.

You are not just a blog…

December 9, 2015December 9, 201517 Comments

I started this blog in the new year just as we were about to begin our first round of infertility treatment with IUI (Intra-Uterine Insemination). I started to discover other blogs like mine, and indeed other blogs some what very different to mine, but with the same dream as me – to become a mummy. I have met some wonderful and lovely people through the blogging community who have inspired me in different ways. No one journey has been the same and I have learned a lot by following and commenting on many blogs. So I thought I’d share with you some people I have met along the way who have contributed something to our own journey; some of these people may not ever truly know how much they have contributed. We have shared the ups and downs between us and despite the roller coaster ride there is still hope out there 🙂

So in order of length of following! Here are some of the blogs I am talking about, if you haven’t met them yet, then consider this a formal introduction:

My Perfect Breakdown. Mrs MPB (from Canada) is currently going through international adoption. I have been following MPB for almost 11 months now and I think this wonderfully smart woman has worn her heart on her sleeve the entire time. Everyday I see a post from her I am hoping she has found her match.

The Barren Librarian. I started to follow this lovely lady after she became pregnant with her little cutie pie Charlotte, but she went through a lot get there. I started to follow the Barren Librarian even though she was pregnant already because I needed positivity and inspiration – that going through all this treatment was worth it, that it is possible to beat infertility. Infertility doesn’t give you a sigh of relief with those two pink lines, and TBL has shared her insights of this both during her pregnancy and even now as a new mummy. I also fell in love with all her adorable fur babies too 🙂

A Silent Struggle. Erin is now pregnant but suffered from unexplained infertility as well as losing her baby. Erin was going through diagnosis and beginning treatment around the same time as me. Her friendly, honest and open blog was one of the first I started to follow.

Try Try Again. TTA has suffered from recurrent pregnancy loss and is currently pregnant after various forms of treatment after seeing a Reproductive Immunologist specialist, her story has been eye opening for me. For someone who has suffered so much loss and sadness she is always so positive, a truly admirable quality 🙂

Que Milagro. Ana Marie is just a fantastic blogger, she is never afraid to tell it like it is. Ana Marie also was going through diagnosis and treatment at the same time as me, but I didn’t find her until a bit later. Now she is expecting her Christmas Miracle in just a few weeks!

The Owl and the Empty Nest. This lovely Owl recently went through a mini IVF and is about to embark on a Frozen Embryo Transfer…she deserves so much to see a positive result for Christmas, I am hoping so much for her because she has been through a lot recently.

In Pursuit of a Family. If you haven’t found Ashley’s blog yet you have missed out on her exceptionally heart warming gestational surrogacy story; she has been through a tough journey, but she just kept picking herself up and is now expecting her sweet pea to arrive in the New Year.

Our Greatest Desire. Dawn has such a big heart and has so much going on in her life I can barely keep up!! Dawn has recently become a Foster Mum! I have so much admiration for her it is off the scale. She has also suffered from endometriosis but keeps battling this horrible disease. I love her blog because Dawn muses about many things other than just infertility 🙂

Tales of a thirty year old nothing. This lady is going through her second IVF right now – you should follow her if you don’t already because if you miss a day you have missed out on something new to learn from this inspirational woman.

Empty Arms, Full Heart. Wifey has proved to me that great things come to those who persevere. This sweet lady has persevered after loss and she is now pregnant with two little ones. Life isn’t easy carrying twins so I am hoping so much Wifey has an easier ride for the rest of her pregnancy!!

Disorderly Love. Cesilee doesn’t just blog about infertility. Her openness about overcoming her eating disorder and coping with PTSD from sexual abuse . Her strength is amazing. Sadly Cesilee recently has been through an IVF cycle with a heart wrenchingly less than desirable outcome. But again she amazes me with her ability to reach for the positivity in life to move forward.

From Zero to Zygote. Nara is another lady who blogs about other things that infertility. Nara is adopted and frequently talks about her perspective as an adoptee. Honesty is Nara’s best policy. She also makes amazingly beautiful cakes and reminds me of all things British. This lady has had a terribly long journey through infertility and will hopefully embark on a second round of IVF soon.

There are many other bloggers I have to thank who I have followed and have been a part of my journey…

How to Make a Baby – Sheena is about to go through IUI#3.

Baby Are you Coming? BBruComing is currently going through IVF#2

The Recurrently Hopeful Kicked recurrent pregnancy loss in the butt and is not far off becoming a mummy!

Confessions of the Reproductively Challenged – Julianna recently announced her pregnancy, naturally, after a long 4.5 long years 🙂

Turbulent Sunshine. Lauren and Kevin have bravely shared their story with the world – infertility as a result of injury from service to his country.

Working Womens IVF. Currently pregnant with twins after their 4th round of IVF.

The Longest Journey. Stephanie has experienced so much loss; the last I she posted several weeks ago she was pregnant at 5W3D . I am hoping everything is well with her.

Lonely Uterus. Becky is currently pregnant after her micro IVF. She hasn’t posted since her 6W scan, again hoping everything is well!

Uncomfortably Optimistic. This lady is potentially about to embark on the journey of adoption!

Meet the Hopefuls. Heather is currently pregnant after IVF#2.

Baby Science Project. Rachel is just about to start a new cycle with a donor egg!

Not Pregnant in Rezza. Recently discovering she is suffering from infertility after 2 IUIs, 2 IVFs and 7 transfers, is considering what her next steps are.

The Secret Life of Emily Maine. This lady kicked endo’s butt and is currently pregnant!

Surviving Infertility. Angela is currently under the process of getting rid of an Adenomyoma.

Dinks by Default. This lady is about to start a FET from IVF#1 after PGS testing.

Maybe Baby Currently preparing for FET from IVF#2

There are others who have come and gone who still had a part to play. But to you all….thank you X 🙂 X

Effects of flying and jet lag on fertility pt 2.

December 6, 201521 Comments

In my previous post I described some research that indicates fertility may be effected by the disruption to the body clock as a result of travelling across time zones (or any other job that requires shift work). There is one hormone that may be taken as a supplement to help overcome and regulate the problems our bodies face as we fly in to different time zones – melatonin.

Melatonin is not new to me. Some of my US colleagues have told me about the use of Melatonin to help them overcome their jet lag quickly when they are in Europe.

Last year I landed in Germany with a terrible headache that had lasted more than two days, pain killers just didn’t touch it, and I couldn’t sleep – which was probably perpetuating my headache. So my US colleague suggested I took some melatonin to help me sleep and kick start my body into a natural rhythm. He warned me that melatonin can have side effects, such as vivid dreams. I already dream a lot normally, and I had problems in Afghanistan with Anti-Malerial drugs causing vivid dreams and hallucinations; so I was very cautious of taking melatonin. But I was willing to give it a try as by my third night in Germany I was consistently unable to fall asleep until about 5AM, then working all day with this awful headache. So I took two of the little melatonin pills, and they helped me to fall asleep before midnight. Bliss. I did have some vivid dreams, actually they were more like nightmares, but at least I got some shut eye! My headache didn’t disappear though, so I decided not to take any more melatonin. I was more afraid of my dreams than my headache.

I didn’t know much about melatonin at that time; I didn’t really look into it. But since suffering from infertility I have been educated more into melatonin and its purpose. I came across it in the book “It starts with the Egg” by Rebecca Fett, but I didn’t pay it much attention.

So what is melatonin? It is a hormone that helps regulate many other hormones in the body and helps to maintain our body clocks (or circadian rhythms). During light hours of the day, our natural melatonin production drops and when it is dark, the body produces more melatonin. If we are not exposed to enough light during the day or too bright artificial light in the evening this can disrupt the body’s natural melatonin cycle.

What does melatonin have to do with fertility? Melatonin is produced by the pineal gland in the brain, but it is also produced by the follicles within an ovary, the mass of cells that surround the follicles, and in the immature follicle itself. It is here where melatonin acts as an antioxidant which supports cellular health and protection of the immature egg from oxidative stress, especially at the time of ovulation. Melatonin has beneficial effects not just on eggs but also on embryos. Mouse embryos grown in a lab with melatonin showed an increased rate of forming bastocyst-stage embryos [1]. As a result of this success, clinical trials were undertaken. A study of 115 women showed that melatonin may increase egg quality by reducing the level of one oxidising agent called 8-0HdG in the ovum, which is a natural product of DNA oxidation [2]. Women who were given melatonin had a fertilisation rate much higher than their previous cycle and nearly 20% of the melatonin treated women became pregnant. Whereas only 10% of the non-melatonin group became pregnant.

Melatonin also helps to control body temperature, the timing and release of female reproductive hormones and possibly egg quality.

Finally, melatonin is known to act as an antioxidant during early pregnancy. In addition, melatonin in the mother’s blood passes through the placenta to aid the creation of the fetal suprachiasmatic nucleus (SCN) where the central circadian regulatory system is located.

Melatonin levels decline with age, and as a result the ovaries lose their natural protector against oxidative stress; hence could be an additional contributor to age-related infertility.

If you are going to consider taking melatonin as a supplement when trying to conceive you need to be careful and should ask your doctor, because the melatonin supplement may disrupt the natural hormone balance and interfere with ovulation. If you are going through a controlled hormone cycle with IVF this is less of a concern. In addition, melatonin can cause side effects, such as daytime droziness, dizziness, and irritability and may worsen depression. Melatonin can also interact with other drugs, so this is why it is important to check with your doctor before taking it.

If you are going to take melatonin as a supplement whilst travelling it is also important to know what time to take it. You should take the supplement after dark the day you travel and after dark for a few days after arriving at your destination. In addition, taking melatonin in the evening a few days before you fly if flying eastward. Again, there is caution to be made here because the long term effects of taking the supplement are unknown. Therefore this is not overly helpful for airline attendants or shift workers, and only for those who travel infrequently.

For me, personally, I am undecided as to whether or not I will take melatonin as a supplement for either my next IVF cycle or when I am on my next international trip. But I will certainly be asking my doctor next time we speak.

Have you taken melatonin as a supplement? What are your experiences with it?

[1] The effect of melatonin on in vitro fertilization and embryo development in mice. Available here: http://hera.ugr.es/doi/15015646.pdf

[2]. The role of melatonin as an antioxidant in the follicle. Available here: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3296634/

Effects of flying and jet lag on fertility pt 1.

December 4, 2015December 4, 20154 Comments

I am just returning from yet another trip to Europe, Belgium this time! This has been my 9^th transatlantic trip this year. Last year I made 10 trips, and the year before that 11. With an average of a trip every 6-8 weeks I spend a lot of time either sat in a plane or at an airport or, trying not to fall asleep in meetings whilst I try to get over the jet lag!!

Travelling like this is stressful. I always have a connection to make in the US because I do not live near an international airport, and sometimes I have another connection in Europe as I travel to cities that do not connect directly with the USA so I can often end up with 2 transfers…it can be very stressful making these connections when flights get delayed or security lines hold me up. For example on this particular trip to Belgium, due to a series of unfortunate and unrelated disruptions it took me 9 hours longer to reach my destination (on top of the planned 14 hours of travel).

I am simply sick and tired of it. Yes, I get to go visit some cool cities, I am grateful for that opportunity, but it is physically disruptive to my life. As this is my last trip of the year and I already have 7 trips planned in the first 5 months of next year :-s I am beginning to wonder whether it is such a good idea to do all this travelling. I am not sure how many of these I will be able to commit to with my next round of IVF coming up.

This got me thinking about how little I know about the effects of flying on my fertility. Is it even an issue? Should I be concerned? So I did a bit of research and here is what I have found so far:

There is currently no overwhelmingly strong evidence that flying has a direct cause of reduced fertility. However, there are a few studies that indicate that there may be some correlation.

One study I found to be compelling used mice to investigate whether shifting the body clock has an effect on their fertility [1]. The results of this study showed that there may be serious implications for a woman’s reproductive health if her work involves shift work or time zone changes.

To understand the outcome of this study, you need to understand the body clock. Our body clocks are called circadian rhythms, these are physical, mental and beahvioural changes that follow a roughly 24 hour cycle, responding primarily to light and darkness in the environment. Your circadian rhythm is produced by your body, but it is also influenced by the environment. Light is the main thing that influences circadian rhythms – it turns on or off genes that control your internal clock. Your circadian rhythm can change your sleep-wake cycles hormone release, body temperature and other important bodily functions [2]. (I know travelling certainly screws up my body temperature because I discovered this last year when we were trying to conceive the good old way and I was actually bothering to monitor my temps.)

The researchers of this study found evidence suggesting the severity of circadian disruption may be linked to the severity of pregnancy disruption: mice subjected to advances of the light-dark circle had greater circadian clock disruption and lower reproductive success. This group’s pregnancy success rate was only 22% compared with the control group of 90%.

WOAH. That’s quite a difference!

So what does this mean? This means that if this affects mice, there is a good chance it affects humans too – but to what extent remains unknown, more research is needed before conclusions can be made confidently. ….but I couldn’t find anything taking this research further forward.

Now, there have also been a large survey study of flight attendants to examine fertility….there are two interesting conclusions, first that flight crew were found to be more likely to suffer from irregular periods, and also more likely to suffer a miscarriage. But I find the study designs less compelling, so I’m not even going to write about this in much detail (but you can judge for yourself here).

So is there something that can be done to prevent suffering from the effects of flying and jet lag? No one knows for sure, but we do know that Melatonin is an important hormone that regulates other hormones…this can be taken as a supplement, but it can also have negative effects on fertility too when taken as a supplement. And this is what I will talk about in some more detail in Part 2 later this weekend!

Am I less fertile because I travel trans-Atlantic a lot?

[1] Summa KC, Vitaterna MH, Turek FW (2012) Environmental Perturbation of the Circadian Clock Disrupts Pregnancy in the Mouse. PLoS ONE 7(5)

[2] Circadian rhythms fact sheet on the National Institute for General Medical Sciences website

Period after HSG and miscarriage

December 2, 20153 Comments

If you are not into reading about periods and period blood you should stop reading this now and come back tomorrow when I will be talking about less gross things in life 🙂

This is my first period since my recent Hysterosalpingogram – HSG – test. This is also (probably) my second period since my miscarriage. And it’s a weird one!! It is on schedule – for which I am truly grateful for (isn’t it funny how we celebrate the little wins on this journey!!). But this period is weird so far. The pains are different, I cannot explain what is different about them, they don’t hurt so much, but the pain ‘rumbles’ inside me rather than the typical’radiating’ and ‘sharp’ pains I get from my normal period. The blood is a heavy watery-pinky-mucusy mix. Normally I get dark brown or red, thick and clotty blood.

So I got onto my friend google (like you do in a situation when weird stuff happens to your body). I extensively searched for possible causes and whether this is normal or something I should call the nurse about. My biggest concern is that my uterus lining won’t be up to scratch in preparation for our next round of IVF.

The best and corroborated explanation for this unexpected weirdness is that it may be an indicator of anemia or low iron stores and/or unbalanced diet/suffer from poor digestion. Both of these things are plausible in my case, but can be easily resolved with some supplements.

I was worried it could be associated with the HSG procedure or the miscarriage, but it seems to not be the case. So nothing to worry about or to call the nurse about specifically, but I will mention it when I speak to her next.

Crisis averted, thank you google! Now….pass me the liver and spinach 🙂

November: My blog therapy month #NaBloPoMo15

November 30, 2015December 1, 20152 Comments

I challenged myself to write a post every day in November as part of National Blog Posting Month 2015. Well, I certainly wrote more posts than I thought I would, but I didn’t quite manage to post every day. I managed 22 posts out of a possible 30 :-s If you posted every day, kudos to you my friend!!! It isn’t easy. The thanksgiving holiday and travelling to Europe for work has limited my success in posting every day/ The days I didn’t blog were the days I yearned to write; just had little physical time to sit down and write it. I got withdrawal symptoms when I didn’t write. And I still have a long list of things I want to write about. Fortunately, I never experienced writers block, I always had something to talk about. Which is surprising, because I am not much of a big talker in real life!

I have written about some things that perhaps have given you more insight to my ways of thinking – an insight to the inner Dani! If you are still here reading – Thank you for sticking with me!!!!

I have written about infertility related issues, and explored some broader topics about becoming a parent. I have written about things that have bothered me and simply writing about them has helped me get over them.

I have also killed some time; time until our next cycle of IVF cycle. I now have a new countdown – Christmas!!!! And I even have an amazing 3D Christmas Tree advent calendar that my granny gave me which will help. I bought Chris a Birthday present – a daily lesson of couple’s massage for a month. Basically he gets to be the stooge whilst I learn how to massage properly. It’s the gift that keeps on giving!!!! Not only does Chris get a mini massage on a daily basis (assuming I don’t hurt him whilst learning the massage techniques!), it brings us closer together through the power of relaxation – AND this daily lesson will be another count down to Christmas! Then, after Christmas it is only 3 days until my Birthday, which will also most likely be the start of my IVF Diary Vol. 2. Whoop whoop!

Time has flown this month, NaBloPoMo15 has signified a lot more to me than just exploring my ability to write and blog. I have discovered that writing is therapeutic, something very much needed. It has helped in my recovery to positivity. I am feeling ready to start afresh. January 2016 is going to be a rollercoaster ride. But I have a feeling that we are going to have a great start to the year.

Ignorance is Bliss

November 30, 2015November 30, 201510 Comments

Has anyone ever said something to you along the lines of: “If you knew how much responsibility was involved in parenting you wouldn’t ache so much for a baby?” or worse, “Here, take my children then see if you still want a baby so much.”

People who say this to you most likely care for your well-being. It’s kind of like your bestie asking you just before you walk down the aisle – “are you absolutely sure you want to do this??”.

My Bridesmaids asking me: “Now are you sure you want marry this man?!?”

But what these people do not realise is that their message also comes across that we are ignorant.

If anything, I am more certain of my future responsibilities because I have had much more time to think about them. I am lucky in the sense that I have the time to prepare. Some women may only have 9 months to prepare for their future responsibilities.

I understand that I will never fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until I become a parent myself. But please, let me dream about it for now.