A new blogging adventure

The Great Pudding Club Hunt is over…for now.  But my infertility hasn’t been resolved.  Infertility doesn’t define me, but it is part of my life now.  I love this blog, I love the amazing people I have met through this blog, I love how it has helped me cope with infertility and how it taught me to keep fighting when things got really dark.

But this blog is not about being a parent, in fact it has always been about me not being a parent and dreaming of becoming a parent.  I am now a parent and I don’t want to write about being a parent here, I want to save this place as where I can speak freely about infertility and pregnancy loss.  I wanted a similar place where I can speak freely about being a parent, and that is not here but elsewhere.  So I have set up a new blog…

The Inconceivable Adventures of Parenthood

(https://inconceivableadventuresofparenthood.com)

I’m a little scared stepping out into the parenting world, I’m hoping this new blog will help me explore my thoughts and ideas.  There is so much parent bashing on the internet I am a little terrified!  But like I have used the great pudding club hunt to explore my thoughts, cope with the low times and share the good times with others in similar situations, I hope to use the inconceivable adventures of parenthood likewise.

I hope to see some of you there!!!

I will be posting here still, I am not going away, but it probably won’t be as regular (until our next pudding club hunt anyway ;-p)

Advertisements

Now I’m feeling ready!!

PC Diary @ 36 weeks 2 days… R-26 days

What a whirlwind of a past ten days or so.  It may have been crazy, but every minute was worth it!

First of all, I owe a few people some passwords for my last blog.  I forgot that with almost 200 followers on wordpress and a few more  who follow from instagram and facebook that maybe they would like to read my password protected blog and I would need to reply to every email request – whoopsie  (embarrassed face!)

Here is why it has been a whirlwind…

Doulas!  We met our two Doulas, they work in pairs to make sure that one of them is available when the time comes to meet Rocky.  We have hired them for the birth and 50 hours of post-partum support.  They are perfect for us.  We left it very late to finally select who we wanted, we meet them again later this week to go through our birthing plan and any other questions we have.

Thanksgiving.  I hope you all had a lovely thanksgiving!  It is a holiday that doesn’t mean anything particularly special to us, so it is a little bit strange to celebrate.  But we were kindly invited to join our friends for a fabulous Turkey dinner.  Nom nom nom…

Boudoir Maternity Shoot.  Chris and I researched, prepared and then did my maternity shoot, boudoir style.  Although I won’t be showing any of the more risque pics, I will definitely share some of them with you on a separate post!  Chris did a fantastic job, and he really enjoyed it too.  I was nervous we would fight about it, but nope it was just fun!  Like it should be too ;-p

2016-12-01 12.38.34.jpg

One of my faves!

Infant care class.  We thought we had better educate ourselves on how to actually look after a newborn baby!  Although much of it we mostly knew already, we did learn some handy little hints and tips.  Also it was helpful to know things we might expect to see as soon as the baby is born, what is normal and what is not normal.  We also got a neat little book too ‘The Joy of parenthood – your personal journey through newborn care’.

Transatlantic visitors.  A friend of ours was visiting the US for work, so we did the proper thing and took him and his colleague to a Southern style restaurant, and of course ate fried chicken skins, pickles, chicken coated fried bacon, burgers and meatloaf! It was so good to catch up.  I felt a bit homesick talking about our friends back in the UK and how everyone is doing 😦

Breastfeeding class.  We had to go to another hospital for this class because all the ones being run at our hospital were full.  Within the first five minutes the consultant told us that ‘you may have difficulties breastfeeding if you had difficulties getting pregnant’.  What the?!?! I had never heard this before.  I was a little bit surprised and it threw me off concentrating on the beginning of the class.  I didn’t question the consultant and thought I may ask her afterwards more about what she had said, but when it came to the end of the evening I was exhausted and just wanted to go home.  This class threw a lot of new terms and info at us in the space of three hours.  The consultant barely stopped to breathe let alone let us poor preggers people go pee!  But it was really useful and very glad we both went.  Another free book and some free nursing goodies to go.  The group of doulas we went with have a lactation consultant who will come to my house if we need to, so that is handy.

2016-12-01 21.16.54-1.jpg

Weekend Child birthing class.  Another intense education session!  We had a very passionate nurse who was excellent at making the class practical and interesting.  It really helped us firm up our birth plan together and worth every minute.  I practically cried at every film where they showed the actual birth!!!!

2016-12-03 16.49.03.jpg

Birthing positivity board

Housewarming, baby and birthday party.  This was our big party to celebrate our new home, semi-baby shower-esque style celebrations, and both our birthdays.  We have been preparing the past few weeks, knowing how chaotic the past week would be.  We were expecting about 80 or so people, fortunately they didn’t all arrive at once, and at one point we probably had about 20 kids running around!  It was so much fun to have everyone there.  I was truly overwhelmed with all the gifts and cards we received.  I’m kind of glad I didn’t have a baby shower after all, I think I would have just blubbered my way through it.

2016-12-06 14.40.09.jpg

Haha someone guessed 14th Jan!!!!

2016-12-04 17.00.32.jpg

The post party chaos 🙂

Maternity leave.  It was my last week at work, so I tried to wrap things up as best I could.  It was a little strange because not all of my branch was in the office, so there wasn’t really a formal goodbye.  Technically my maternity leave started today!!! Although I will be going back for the plethora of Christmas parties that are happening, assuming Rocky doesn’t arrive early.  And I will be going back in to the office every other week for a lunchtime toastmasters club meet whenever I can to keep up my public speaking skills!  When the baby comes, Chris will work from home those days and I will get to escape the baby for a few hours.  I started my leave off to a good start by getting up at the same time as Chris as he got ready for work, then after I showered I accidentally fell asleep for 1.5hrs!  I did some relaxing yoga (it felt soooooo good to stretch), adult colouring in, an episode of scandal, ate left over party food, washed all of Rocky’s new clothes and did some shopping.  Will I keep up this good balance of chillaxing with productivity?!?! I have my suspicions not….!

Pregnancy symptoms.  Lower back pain is plaguing me along with my hemorrhoids getting a whole lot worse.  They are now super big 😦  I am on my weekly obstetric appointments now so I’ll see what the doc says tomorrow, but I fear there will be little that can be done.  I think that when I go into labour they are almost certain to burst.  And I still haven’t put any more weight on, I’m sticking around the 140-141lbs mark.  I don’t understand how it is possible, my tummy is getting bigger and I’m eating plenty!

2016-12-04 18.49.03.jpg

36 weeks and feeling prepared!

Phew…..it has been crazy, but I am feeling really ready for Rocky to arrive now.  Not much longer til she is considered full term! Wooohoooo!!!!

 

 

 

THAT moment

The Pudding Club Diary @ 16w3d

Chris and I had THAT moment last night. THAT moment when you realise you have the summit in sight, when the pain, tears and anxiety were ALL worth it.  And we haven’t even met our little one yet.

As I was getting undressed for bed I pointed out my ‘bump’ and it’s definition.  Chris went to put his hands to it.  I let him…which is not a usual occurrence because if you are a follower you will know my personal issues with my stomach and understand that I still struggle with this.  But I also know I have to let Chris feel the little one too.  The day before, I lay in bed before work just staring at my naked tummy for about 20 minutes watching little Rocky squirming around in there.  I still haven’t really felt Rocky move, but I definitely have seen him/her moving in the past week or so.  That evening as Chris reached out to my tummy – he exclaimed…”I can feel Rocky!!”.  We looked at each other, and we were both teary eyed in that moment.  It was a moving moment.  Silently we knew what this meant.  It was real.  It wasn’t on some computer screen…it was physically real, in our hands. Our baby is alive and wriggling.

So amazing 🙂

 

Dads don’t babysit

There is someone I work with who sometimes leaves work early to ‘babysit’ his children.  I get upset at him every time and remind him that you can’t babysit your own children!!! He jokes about it….we joke about it.  But I do truly believe that he isn’t merely ‘babysitting’.  He is parenting!!! I believe that he is living up to the stereotype that Dads are often portrayed as.  I don’t really know why particularly it frustrates me every time he says it…it just does.  It could be that there is something about the fact that babysitting doesn’t sound very permanent, and I feel like your children should be pretty damn permanent in your life.  I am also pretty sure that his working wife doesn’t “babysit” whilst he is late home from work.  Which also leads me to believe, it is incredibly sexist!

The other day, I discovered that there is actually a kind of ‘movement’ called “Dad’s don’t babysit”, I read about it on the BBC here.  Many fathers (particularly ‘stay-at-home’ dads) are upset at what people (both men and women) say to Dads…such as:

“Aww, it’s so nice of you to babysit and give mom a break.”

“I guess you got stuck with the kids today.”

“You’ve got a good helper here!”

I would be frustrated and upset if anyone said these kinds of things to Chris (or to me).  I truly believe that Chris will be an equal part to this parenting business.  I am sure there will be days that it won’t be equal…I am also sure there will be some things he will be good at, and others I will be good at, but in balance it will be equal overall.

I know many of my male friends and family who parent and don’t just “babysit”….so how have we ended up like this in society?  Why can’t we shake it off?  It just makes me a bit sad.

BTW – I discovered that there is a T-shirt you can buy that has the slogan “Dads don’t babysit, they parent” – now available in both gender cuts!

dads dont babysit

 

“You are so lucky you don’t have kids”

Oh I have been itching to blog about this for a few days, but we have been out road tripping on a short break to Savannah, Georgia.  We drove just over 1000 miles round trip and saw some wonderful things.  But I will tell you a short story that really got my goat.

Our first night in Charleston, South Carolina we found ourselves a small smokehouse joint for dinner.  We managed to find a relaxed type bar that had a short menu of BBQ meat, meat, oh and more meat.  We ordered loaded duck fat fries and a typical Southern BBQ platter, and we were not disappointed.  We were just about to roll ourselves out of the bar, when Chris bumped into another Brit, a man in his 50s.  Oh not just any Brit, but a Brit who also lives where we live – 400 miles away!  What were the chances of that?  After the Brit introduced himself, we quickly noticed how drunk he was.  He asked us many questions – where we were from, what we were doing, what did we do for a living, where we were from (wait – we already answered this one – but he was drunk so ….).  He looked us over and asked if we had children.  No, we both politely replied.  “Oh you are lucky” he winked at us.  Not cool.  He then wanted us to meet his wife.  So we went through the Spanish inquisition again…I was beginning to get a little annoyed at this stage.  It’s nice to talk with other Brits about living in the US, but clearly it is not nice to talk to a drunk Brit, it can get a bit embarrassing when they shout across the bar all the annoying things about living in America.  The Brit asked us once again if we had children, because he obviously had forgotten how ‘lucky’ we are.  So once again we said we did not have children, and once again he proceeded to tell us that we were lucky.  At least he was consistent in his ideas about having children.  After another 5 minutes of this we attempted to make our escape….but they wanted to have dinner with us!  Oh no.  Just as we made our excuses, he started talking about how lucky we were to not have children again, and if he were us, we should not have them.  So it was definitely time to leave.

As we left we both commented on how rude it was to say such a thing: ‘You are so lucky you don’t have kids’, especially to us, going through what we are going through right now.  Even if we were not going through this, in my opinion it would still be a rude thing to say.  Of course everyone is entitled to a different opinion.  But the manner in which the opinion was conveyed was just plain rude.

Little did he know that later that evening I would be crying as my period started once again (unexpectedly – a very short 23 day cycle) and so no, I didn’t feel lucky in any shape or form and just felt like crap.

Reflecting upon this situation, looking past my anger at the rudeness of the Brit’s statement “You are so lucky you don’t have kids”, I just felt sad.  Sad that this man would say such a thing to strangers not once, but three times, unprompted.  Parenting is not easy, but I hope whatever issues he has had with his children in the past he can remember the good things about being a parent, the reward, the challenge, the sacrifice, the love and I hope the future holds something a little more positive for him.