Patience is a virtue

No matter if you have been trying to conceive for 3 months or 3 years, there is something about the two week wait (2WW) that makes us question every single little pain, change in body, or change in any bodily function.  Is it a sign?  Is the pain normal?  Is my body supposed to do this?  I am currently in my 2WW and I have been thinking about early pregnancy symptom watching.  I have also been thinking about how different my 2WWs have been between a medicated 2WW, a ‘natural’ 2WW and just an ordinary last two weeks of a cycle (i.e. without trying to conceive).

Last cycle we took a break from trying to conceive – I gave my body some respite.  I noticed a lack of pain, but I did have a couple of twinges that were likely to be PMS or IBS.  I felt like I was also pretty good at not actively looking for any changes in my bodily functions.  Except for the associated period pain, overall, last cycle I was painless.

This cycle we have been trying to conceive naturally, without any medical intervention whilst we wait for IVF….because there is still a chance we can do this on our own!  I have not done any ‘temping’ or ‘peeing on a stick’, so I am not really sure exactly when I ovulated, but I know, give or take a day, that I am 9 Days Past Ovulation.  Having been through 17 2WW, I’m starting to wonder whether every single niggle and pain I have ever experienced is just my imagination?  It is probably more about the fact that I am looking for a sign.  I’m impatient.  I want a sign.  So my brain is telling me to look for a sign.  This 2WW I have experienced short sharp pains, but not as painful as I have had them in the past.  These don’t feel like IBS type pains (By the way, the doctor suspects I may have endometriosis, but I have not ever had it confirmed, so the pain just may be that).  I have been tired, yawning a lot (I just yawned as I wrote the word yawn – weird) but I can’t tell what is jet lag or otherwise.  I have been very emotional, random bouts of tears.  Also a few nights ago I had the strangest dream.  I dreamt that I gave birth to a baby, the placenta followed, and then the baby ate the placenta.  It was a pretty gruesome and a graphically detailed dream.  So far, my 2WW has been eventful in comparison to my last cycle, but not as eventful as when I was taking the medication.

So, do I just ignore all these niggles, pains and possible early symptoms of pregnancy?  Well, I probably should – after all, the only real way to tell if I am pregnant is with a blood test.  But I know at some point I’m going to google it.  And google usually confirms most of my suspicions.  (I know – google usually can confirm ALL suspicions, like “Am I an Alien from space?” google tells us “probably”)  Yes, all of the above I experienced in this 2WW could be early symptoms of pregnancy.  So I tell myself today:

“Dani, just be patient.  You’ve waited this long, a couple more days won’t hurt.”

I’m not very patient when it comes to queues (lines) or being in crowded places trying to get somewhere, I’m afraid patience is my weak spot.  I’m going to have work hard at it, I’m going to have to learn to deal with it.  Maybe, this is one of the positives to come out of infertility – learning how to be more patient.

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5 thoughts on “Patience is a virtue

  1. Wifey says:

    I’m so incredibly impatient too. One thing about knowing that we 100% can’t conceive naturally, I don’t have to go through this every month like you and so many others. I’m not analyzing every little feeling and in not tempted to POAS. But, I know I would be horrible at the TWW if I had to go through it every month. It’s bad enough after an IVF cycle. Hoping time flies for you!

    Liked by 1 person

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