The tears

I woke up like any other morning, rolled over and checked my phone to see what the time was.  I can’t help but check my notifications on my phone in case something exciting has happened whilst I’ve been sleeping (a pretty bad habit of mine)…if there is a facebook notification then I open up facebook.  This morning, bleary eyed I opened up facebook and there was a stream of lovely photos of my friends in the UK celebrating mothers’ day (it’s not mothers day here in the US)…it warmed my heart. I like mothers’ day, I’ve never found mother’s day difficult whilst trying to conceive.  Yes it kind of sucks that I’m not a mum yet, but I feel more association with the day to my mother and celebrating her. But……

This morning as I woke up, for some reason when I read a post about someone who was pregnant and celebrating being a mother, it triggered me.  I thought about how far along I would be if huckleberry had decided to implant a few inches lower in my uterus rather than where ever else he was hiding probably in my fallopian tube (we never found out exactly).  I would be 32 weeks pregnant with a nice bump.  I would be waking up, probably complaining about some pregnancy ailment.  I would be asking huckleberry how he felt like behaving today.  We would probably have the nursery almost ready…..maybe I would have bought that adorable onesie I saw last week in TJ Maxx…maybe, just maybe, I would consider my self eligible for mothers’ day today.  And so this morning, I quietly had a bit of a cry thinking about these things of what might have been.

I’m not to dwell on the ‘what ifs’…but yet it reminded me that there are many, many women out there who have mother hearts.  We might not be able to see them, but they are loved by many. So to you all…happy mothers’ day X

mother's day.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

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7 thoughts on “The tears

  1. ashleykyleanderson says:

    32 weeks. Wow. Why can’t it be so? I wish that this was a different post and that you could be celebrating Mother’s Day this year. I wish that we were all anxiously waiting to hear of Huckleberry’s arrival. It’s a terrible loss in so many ways. I’m so sorry, Dani & Chris. Sending you lots of love and thinking of you guys. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Like

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