Where to go for more information about IVF?

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When we decided to go ahead with IVF at our last appointment, the doctor gave us a rundown about the whole process, but I did not learn anything new that I had read about already.  Of course, I had done some research on top google hits about the process in general. I have also been following a few blogs about ladies going through IVF themselves.  But I will be honest…I have not really stepped up to my usual level of research.  Probably because I thought I had plenty of time before we start this.  Also I’ve been keeping myself busy the last couple of weeks, both at work and at play.  Next week we have our first appointment with our nurse, so I want to make sure I ask all the right question from the outset.  And so, the time has come!  I feel like I have a big gaping hole in my knowledge and I need to fill it…stat!!

When I first started following blogs I was put off following IVF blogs that were overly acronym-ised and had lots of numbers on it.  Without any reference, it felt like gobbley-de-gook to me.  In fact it was (and still is) terrifying.  I am sure it will all make sense soon, but for now I am following a select few who make it easy to read for newbies (thank you for that by the way!).  But where do I start my research?

Areas I would like to better understand:

  • Medication for IVF
  • Embryology
  • Ethics
  • ICSI
  • Complimentary Therapies
  • The statistics low down! Because I just can’t help myself being an analyst by trade, I’ve got to know!

Do you have any good suggestions for books or websites that you have found helpful with your IVF journey?

Our options widen…but not on the kids’ parties front

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I had a great email today from our legal department.  They told us that the US government forsees no legal impediment based on our visa status for adopting in the US, either domestically or internationally. They are also aware of two other families from my organisation who have previously adopted successfully, however one family had a few complications over the legal issues.  However, it sounds like if you have money to burn, the legal issues will disappear.  I don’t mean in a corrupt way, but rather the more you pay the more you get in terms of service.

We asked our legal team to help us look into our visa status so we would know if it was actually possible for us as ‘legal aliens’ to adopt if we decide to stay in the US.  It took about three weeks for everything to be double checked, but it was worth the wait and now we know….we can adopt!

I also had a phone call from our IVF nurse co-ordinator today.  We have an appointment next week with her to go through the whole process in more depth than the doctor did – apparently it will take about 1.5hrs!!  She sounded very friendly and helpful (I guess you have to be do that job!)  She also informed me something the doctor forgot to tell us last week.

The Embryology lab is going through a refurbishment in late June/early July!

Fortunately it sounds like it won’t affect us as we would expect an egg retrieval in mid July.  I hope they don’t over run their re-furb or delay it because that would suck going through all that just to have our cycle cancelled because of some lazy painters!!! But I’m sure they wouldn’t let something like that happen.

I’m currently on Cycle Day 19 and I’m feeling great.  I have had the odd pain, but nothing like the sharp pains from the last two IUI cycles.  Fingers crossed they don’t come back that it was just a side effect of the progesterone and nothing else nasty causing them.  Our break from trying to conceive has been quite fun; next weekend we are planning a trip to our local beer festival and Bush Gardens to try out their new roller coaster ‘Tempesto’!

Physically the break is doing me good.  Mentally, I’ve still had a few odd moments.  This last weekend we didn’t go to our friend’s daughter’s 3rd birthday party at the petting zoo.  Now, I love animals. Love love love them, and who doesn’t love to pet animals!  But I freaked out at the last minute about going someplace where everyone else will have a kid with them and we would be the odd ones out.  I mean, why would anyone go to a petting zoo without a kid in tow?  If it had been a party at their house or somewhere more neutral in that sense I wouldn’t have had a problem. It was just the idea of feeling like we didn’t belong, with the potential for random strangers asking ‘oh which one is your kid’? Or, like the time a random granny noticed us at a Christmas tree lighting ceremony, told us ‘It’s OK that you don’t have a kid’. Yeah, I’ve been there before….and right now it is not for me.  I felt bad that I couldn’t pull myself together to go, I hope they can understand.  I’m sure they do.  I just wish I didn’t feel like this.

So to end this post on a positive note…here is a picture of a cheeky goat that we know.

Who wouldn't want to pet this cheeky goat? Oh that would be me, big chicken pants.

Who wouldn’t want to pet this cheeky goat? Oh that would be me, the big chicken pants.

The $$$ lowdown

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I have created a new page on my site that sums up all the costs of our infertility journey so far.  I will keep this up to date as much as possible…I have copied the text from it and pasted it below (or here is the link to the page)

We are very lucky that our medical insurance includes coverage for the treatment of infertility, including IUI and IVF.

We are being open and honest about these costs because it is important for people to understand the difference having insurance coverage can make.  Only 15 states in the US make it mandatory for insurance providers to cover infertility treatment, and even some of those are extremely limited.  There is much debate on whether infertility should be covered as an essential health benefit.  There are many campaigns ongoing to change state law in this regard (www.resolve.org)

There is definitely a lot to be said about the psychology and stress to infertile couples over spending this vast amount of money if they do not have insurance coverage for infertility.  Chris and I find this process stressful enough as it is without the added burden of the actual cost.  I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like without coverage.  At each stage of our journey we have had to get approval from our insurance company and with having an ‘unexplained’ diagnosis we have always been nervous that they will not cover us.  However, we have been fortunate so far. Fingers crossed they will cover our IVF too.

Item Full cost Insurance covered? Final cost to us
Ovulation Kit (pack of 20) x3 $70.00 No $70.00
Pregnancy Tests (various types) x4 $85.00 No $85.00
Basal Thermometer x1 $13.00 No $13.00
Pre-seed Lubricant x1 $24.00 No $24.00
Chris blood tests $572.00 Yes $10.25
Dani blood tests $560.00 Yes $14.43
Reproductive Endocrinologist Consulting Fees (Doctor visits) x3 $340.00 Yes $5.85
Ultrasounds x4 $900.00 Yes $71.72
Anti-biotics for HSG $15.97 Yes $1.60
Sperm Analysis $110.00 Yes $1.53
HSG $835.00 Yes $29.18
Letrozole x3 $8.53 Yes $0.86
Ovidrel x3 $371.16 Yes $37.11
IUI x3 $765.00 Yes $36.81
Sperm Wash x3 $320.00 Yes $16.80
Progesterone suppositories x3 $147.00 No $147.00
Running Total* $5,136.66   $565.14

A note about our healthcare insurance.  We pay a 10% co-pay for each bill of the ‘in-network’ cost, not necessarily 10% of the whole cost.  Our current infertility clinic (or ‘provider’ as it is also called) is ‘in-network’ so we get extremely preferable rates; for example our new doctor visit it was $190.00, our insurance paid $0, so we paid $0.  This is because our insurance company has negotiated these types of ‘bulk’ discounts in advance with our provider.

Choosing an ‘out of network’ provider can increase overall costs.  There is one other fertility clinic in our area we could have chosen, but is out of network.  It was something we considered, but we went on recommendation and did not think too much about this at the beginning.

Currently my insurance premium is ~$500 a month, plus my employer contributes ~$1100 a month, this covers both Chris and I for all medical expenses including dental and optical.

*As of 10th May 2015

Things I like about living in the USA

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A couple of weeks ago I would have written the title of this post as “things I like about living in America”. However, I recently learned from a Canadian colleague that this is just a weird thing to say. Note, the difference…USA and America. I had no idea this was a thing. Anyway, everyday is a school day!

I’ve been thinking recently how lucky I am to be going through our infertility treatment whilst we are living in the US. Why? Well, from what I am led to believe by the UK’s National Health Services (NHS) website, we would not be going through IVF quite so soon.  Generally it takes 2 years of trying to conceive before reaching this stage of treatment (there are exceptions to this). There is also a waiting list, depending on where you live will dictate how long you may have to wait. Of course, there is always the option in the UK to go private. (££££).

But there are many other things I like…

  • The warmth here in South Virginia from April – December. I do not miss drizzly grey summer days in the UK!!
  • How grand and big everything is. Especially the National Parks. Wow. Just wow, these are so well run and looked after. The Rangers are so good.

shenandoah

  • County fairs. We have them in the UK too, but the ones here in the South are just something else!!! Mutton riding is all I will say!!
  • Turning right on a red light. It makes SOOOO much sense. I get a little mad at people who complain about red light cameras that catch people who don’t stop before turning on a red light. These cameras are for your safety because not every intersection (junction) is easy to navigate! Anyway…I love it, we need it in the UK.
  • Table service. Waiters and waitresses are generally excellent. I like not having to ‘get in line’ (queue) at the bar to get a drink. Sometimes service is too quick and can be annoying, eg I am just about to take my second bite of my appetizer (main course) and there is the check (bill) already on the table accompanied with a ‘no rush guys’. But in the majority, I love the service.
  • Gas (petrol) prices. It’s practically free, well in comparison to the UK.
  • Frozen yoghurt bars/shops. Yummy…I know these are getting bigger in the UK.
  • Playing sports like softball, kickball, dodgeball, volleyball, bocce ball, inner tube water polo and corn hole…

 

dodgeball

  

volleyball

  

softball

  

innertube water polo

  

bocce ball

 

  • Monster trucks…actually it was kind of cool once you find some earplugs.

  
There are many other things I like about living in the USA, but these are to name a few. We’ve been here for 2.5 years almost and we still have much to see and do, including make this baby (and if it is born here, it can have a US passport too!)!!! 

  

Surprise surprise!!!! IVF!

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Well my blog post title has given the game away, so in summary…our next step will be In-Vitro Fertilisation!

This morning we met with our RE who reviewed our progress so far, or lack there of.  Our tests were all normal, the three IUIs all went according to plan (except of course for the pregnancy part), I responded well to the letrozole with 2-3 follicles, Chris had awesome sperm.  We remain unexplained, but she does still suspect endometriosis.  If my period pains were so bad that they affected my life and I wanted that to change then she would recommend a laparoscopy.  This surgical procedure comes with risk, side effects and can take several months to return to normal, so if my periods were so bad this would be the way forward, however, in my case the benefits are unlikely to outweigh the downsides.  So she recommends we move straight to IVF.  She explained the overall process:

Week 1 to 2 – after menstruation I start birth control pills for about 14 days, these help to control my hormones

Week 3 – start injectable medications to control ovulation and stimulate follicles to grow – many many more than the 2-3 that were stimulated with letrozole in order to get the best chance of retrieving some ‘good eggs’.

Week 4 – continue injectable medications…have ultrasounds every other day to monitor follicle growth, along with blood work to monitor hormone levels.  When the follicles are ready, we will inject the hCG Ovidrel trigger and 36 hours later I go for egg retrieval surgery.  Under sedation my eggs are extracted from my ovaries.  Chris provides his sperm and my eggs are fertilised in-vitro.  After the eggs have been fertilised, the embryos grow for a few days under close watch.  Then if they survive, one or two embryos are transferred directly into my uterus.

Week 5-6 – start injectable progesterone until the big pregnancy test either says – “woohoo you are preggers”! then I stay on progesterone, or…”booooo it’s a BFN my friend”, then we will…..well, let’s not go there right now.

This is everything I expected her to say, except for two things slightly different.

  1. First, I need to go for a hydrosonogram.  This procedure will produce a 3D ultrasound of my uterus.  I will have this last test because I have a severely retroverted uterus they could not see it very well on the HSG X-ray, they want to double check that there is nothing preventing the implantation stage.
    My HSG X-ray with my retroverted uterus (it's hard to see because it's hiding behind the catheter)

    My HSG X-ray with my retroverted uterus (it’s hard to see because it’s hiding behind the catheter)

    I have been promised this does not hurt quite as bad as the HSG.  THANKFULLY!!!!

  2. Secondly, she thinks it would be a good idea to do Intra-Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI) because we are ‘unexplained’.  ART_logoThis is a procedure where a single sperm is selected and injected directly into the egg rather than normal IVF where the sperm is placed near the egg.  This procedure is an extra $2,420 so we need to check whether our insurance would cover this or not.

Talking of costs….it is going to cost $9,075 for the IVF which includes office visits, endocrine monitoring, ultrasounds, retrieval, transfer and first pregnancy test.  Plus, it is an additional $400 for the anaesthesia. Medication will be approximately $4,000 to $6,000.  Then the ICSI procedure is $2,420.  Cryopreservation is $1000 then $60 a month for any embryos frozen.  Yikes!!!!  But we roughly knew this anyway, it’s just a bit scary seeing it listed out like this.

So for now, we start the negotiating with our insurance and the diary planning. It’s looking like a late June start.

Ultimately, today I walked away with this one key figure she gave: for us – a 50% chance of success.  In my mind that is pretty amazing.  I’ll take that.  I’ve always been a glass half full kind of girl, lately it’s been half empty, today I think I’ve been topped back up 🙂

Thank you for all your support and kind thoughts so far, I’m feeling pretty encouraged this will work!

The great dismal swamp – not quite so dismal

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For the last nine days I’ve had a break from blogging and we are on a break from trying to conceive.  I needed both a bit of mental break and a physical break, trying to catch a breather in preparation for our ‘Next Steps’ appointment with our RE tomorrow.  But taking a break hasn’t been plain sailing.  I have had a couple of ‘break downs’ in the last few days, mostly ending with me snapping at Chris and/or crying as a a snivelling mess.  Why? Because I hate this limbo ‘not knowing’ business.

Unexplained infertility is a sucky non explanation for why we haven’t been able to conceive so far, even with a little help.  There are so many questions I have that may never be answered…and it is difficult to get out of this hole of asking “why?” and “what if?”.  Chris has been amazing, he is strong and can handle my random outbursts of crying, reminding me not to bottle all up.  But I can see it in him too, he has the same questions as me.  I know at tomorrow’s appointment we will not have many of these questions answered immediately, but it will help make the path a little clearer in the next steps.  It’s the baby steps I need to help keep me sane, a break has so far been physically good for my body but mentally it has been hard.

So where better to get one’s self out of a dark hole?  The great dismal swamp…this place can take your breath away, and can be anything but dismal.  The swamp is huge, over 112 000 acres and in the heart of this wildlife refuge is an amazing lake, lake Drummond, that is an impressive 3000 acres.  Apparently it is one of two only natural lakes in Virginia.

Lake Drummond at the great dismal swamp

Lake Drummond at the great dismal swamp

The swamp also has a lot of history steeped in it, particularly as this is where many fugitive slaves lived, under the cover the swamp land.  I’ll tell you something, the mosquitoes are horrific in the summer.  This wildlife refuge is always so quiet, and it is easy to quickly feel like you are in complete wilderness, it is anything but dismal.

This time of year is renowned for rare warbler birds and many stunning butterflies.  So today we took our bikes and got on the trails.  In addition to the many sightings of deer we were pleasantly surprised to see thousands of hairy caterpillars, munching so loudly it sounded like it was raining in the swamp.

Hundreds of hairy caterpillars and wishes too!

Hundreds of hairy caterpillars and wishes too!

I feel refreshed this evening after our mini trip to the swamp.  No more tears, I’ve promised Chris this, for at least a few more days anyway 😉 I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to our appointment tomorrow…..

The wish

Chris got some cracking photos today: The wish

Fertilomat.com – an experiment

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At first I wasn’t  sure how I felt about this website: Fertilomat.com Initially, I was mad about it.  I was mad because I believe it was just targeting vulnerable women who are concerned about their level of infertility.  But then I thought, well it appears to be combining a whole bunch of medical research and turning it into a user friendly format for women to interact with, that’s got to be a good thing.  This website has developed a ‘predictive’ model that combines data from various research areas into fertility, such as effect of BMI, alcohol and caffeine.  But the big problem I have with this website is that they are not transparent with how the model is developed or what the potential error is.  This makes me suspicious.

Plus their business model sucks.  They charge women 19 Euros to view a two page personal report based on 23 questions about lifestyle.  The questions are very simple, such as weight, height, age, alcohol intake, caffeine etc. Although I can see that this model may have taken many hours of research and cost them a bit of money to develop, I feel conned because the research that they do cite is free to download anyway.  I also wonder how the authors of all the various research reports being used feel about their data being used to make money from women in this manner?  The website could have chosen a different approach and made money in other ways, by advertising on their website, or charging medical practitioners to use their model.  Maybe I am just biased…

So as a matter of interest I paid for the two page personal report providing me with my fertility score.  Quite frankly I was very disappointed.  First of all because for some reason the form I filled in reset to my height as 4ft and weight as 55lbs.  I am 5’8″ and 130lbs, so the output was useless anyway.  Here are the two charts that were included in my 19 Euro report…

Depressing...

Depressing…

Of the two pages of My ‘personal’ report, I actually received 1 1/2 pages of report. 1/2 page was dedicated to repeating back my answers to the 23 questions, the other 1/2 page were the two charts above.  Then the last 1/2 was some text pointing out that my BMI was far too low (of course it was because the interface was CRAP and assumed I was 4ft and 55lbs) and my fertility score is below average, and next year it will decline.  It also told me that it was good that I was avoiding alcohol because 1 litre of wine in a week can decrease fertility by 60% (thanks, I read that in the free research report you cited).  It told me: ‘the fact that you don’t smoke increases your chances of getting pregnant’.  Ummmm no that’s not how it works!!!!  Then the last paragraph filled up space telling me that If I want to know more about my fertility I should see a doctor/gynaecologist to check for further tests such as ultrasounds.  And that was it!!!!

Simply put people, and as I suspected, this is a CON: Fertilomat.com But I am glad I spent the 19 Euros because hopefully now I can share this so other women won’t!

Period Pants (The trouser variety)

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I took a home pregnancy test last night just to be sure.  I had a bit of spotting so I was still holding onto hope.  But at the same time, I didn’t want to take another progesterone suppository if I didn’t have to.  No matter how much I squinted at the test this time, there was nothing but white space.  I awoke this morning to the fat lady singing.  And no she wasn’t a beautiful opera singer, rather the heavy ugly type, and a little bit out of tune too.  And so the period pants come on.  Both the knicker type and trouser type, just to be clear.

Our appointment with our doctor to discuss the next steps is scheduled for 4th May, the earliest appointment possible.  I am looking forward to it, but mostly I am looking forward to not trying to conceive this month. After 17 months, its time for a little break.  Time for some alcohol (just a bit), exercise (a lot), some dangerous sports and diet (just a bit because I’ve put on a bit of weight the last few months, time to get into that bikini!!).  No more temperature taking, no more peeing into a cup, no more hormones, sex when we want to and hopefully a little less pain.  Doesn’t sound so bad, does it really?

Ps. Oh and if anyone tells me it will happen now we are relaxed I’ll punch them in the face.  Sorry.

Time to get back to some of the more 'dangerous sports'...sorry mum!

Time to get back to some of the more ‘dangerous sports’…sorry mum!

Understanding: #YouAreNotAlone, #NIAW, #WeAreNotAlone

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NIAW-CMYK

The baby shower

I sit in the corner, quietly observing the group, hoping no one talks to me and asks me how I am.  I’ve been dreading this day for weeks.  I am not really sure what the etiquette of baby showers is.  I’ve learned about wedding, birthday parties, funerals and baptism etiquettes, but as a Brit living in the US, baby showers are new to me.  One thing I do know for sure is that sobbing away in the corner, trying to make sure no one sees is not part of the celebrations.  Why all the tears?  Because this should be my time for my baby shower.  I don’t mean to sound self-centred, but you see we have been trying to conceive for 17 months now.

Like the singleton table set aside at weddings, baby showers should come with a table reserved for infertiles.  After all, 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age could have a seat at this table.

My tears are short lived, of course, as the excitement of adorable ‘mini-me’ baby gifts and funny games take the course of the day.  Our friend who has that beautiful pregnancy glow to her skin, was happy.  So happy.  For me this was all I needed to prevent me from drowning in my own misery and enjoy the party.

Unfortunately, it seemed that not all of us could cope this well.  One of the guests left within 10 minutes of arriving.  She had driven hundreds of miles for the baby shower.  Why would you drive all that way just to stay for 10 minutes?  And so the speculation and rumours started.  My husband interjected with a suggestion “Perhaps she is trying for a baby and found it all too much?”.  We both looked at each other with that ‘knowing’ look.  Sadly, no one in the room bought this excuse, dismissed it and the speculation continued. The departing lady, who I did not know personally, may have been infertile, or perhaps she had some other good reason for leaving the baby shower as quickly as she had arrived.  Statistically, the chances were high that at least two of us at the shower were suffering from infertility. With both my husband and I in the room, it was easy to wonder who else is silently suffering?  If it was this lady, I wish I could have told her:

“You are not alone”

I would have held her hand, hugged her and told her it’s OK, I understand, we can face this disease together.

wish2

But for some people experiencing infertility, a hug from a stranger will never make the pain and hurt go away.  I know this.  I feel more comfortable on my infertility journey than I ever have been because I discovered a place where hugging strangers is quite a common place. The blogging world.  I have been surprised to discover comfort and understanding from the ‘virtual’ hugs, support, discussion and love from the biggest group of ‘strangers’ I know.  It’s not just strangers that have joined us on our journey, but a small group of family and friends too.  The ability to communicate, open my heart and share my feelings has been a therapy for me.  But not everyone we care about knows of our struggles because it is not easy to talk about.

Please help us on our journey.

As it is infertility awareness week, we are taking a big leap and inviting you to join us on our journey – or more aptly put – the hunt for the great pudding club.  You have been invited because we trust and love you.  We want you to know that this week we will be starting a new chapter in our journey.  Ironically it is National Infertility Awareness Week.

We have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility, it is a surprisingly common diagnosis for about 25% of those with infertility.  To date we have tried three rounds of artificial insemination, known as IUI (Intra Uterine Insemination).  This week has been particularly difficult for us as our final prescribed round of treatment failed.  With each round of treatment the sad news of our failure does not get any easier to digest, rather, the sadness stacks up and our hearts grow heavier.

The IUI procedure summed up

The IUI procedure nicely summed up

We are now at the cross roads stage where we do not know exactly which route we will take: IVF, gestational carrier, adoption or even child-free.  Whichever route we do decide to take, we want you to be there with us.

How you can help us

Opening our hearts about our infertility journey leaves us with open wounds, and the occasional feeling of self-inflicted nausea (wishing it was nausea from pregnancy, of course!).  If you would like to come with us we have some ideas on how to help us through our journey…

  1. Ask us how we are doing, and if we do not to tell you every intricate detail of our treatment, please don’t be offended. Sometimes we just don’t want to talk about it because we have been thinking about it all morning and just stopped thinking about it.
  2. We love hearing stories about how your little one was conceived, especially the funny stories. But please do not tell us that we should try this position, or that method.  After all, I am pretty sure we have tried everything we could possibly google.  Legs up, from behind, on top, downward dog, on holiday, when drunk, herbal tea, with a full moon etc… The chances are slim that we will be able to conceive naturally.
  3. Although telling us about your friend that conceived after X time, with X procedure might seem affirming, everyone with infertility is different and so your story probably won’t apply to our situation. The obstacles each one of us faces will be different and the path we take will be unique.
  4. Please don’t ask us 14 days after our fertility treatment procedure if it worked. If it worked, we will tell you in our own time if we find out I am pregnant (it won’t be long after we find out, I am sure the excitement will be too much!); if it didn’t work, we need some time for ourselves to contemplate our next steps and to just have a big old cry.
  5. We like emails, phone calls, skypes and messages that remind us that there are other things going on in the world. We don’t want to think about infertility and babies all the time.  It can be emotionally exhausting at times.  Send us photos, tell us funny stories or pass on a couple of memes.  Please don’t feel like you are treading on egg shells around us or worry that we are too busy to speak to you.
  6. We also want to hear about your little ones too and would love to be invited to events and parties too, after all we are going to be parents sometime soon too 🙂
  7. Finally, please don’t suggest ‘You can just adopt’ to us. If you look into adoption you will quickly learn that this process is not easy, cheap or free from emotional baggage.  There are no guarantees. The casual statement of ‘you can just adopt’ makes it seem like not being able to conceive isn’t that big of a deal and ironically is often said by people who already have their own children. Such a casual, throw away statement makes the whole process seem like we can simply go to the store and pick the type of baby we want from the range on the shelves.

The list above is specific to us, not everyone who suffers infertility will feel comfortable with what we are suggesting, each couple will deal with it in a different way, so if you know someone else who is going through this you should ask them how you can help.

Regardless of the individual items on people’s lists, one thing we can all do is be cautious, being a little more sensitive and take a little time to think before asking anyone about having children. If you know a couple that has recently married it is easy to ask ‘so when will we hear the pitter patter of tiny feet, eh?’ but what if the couple is struggling to conceive? Such an innocent question and yet it could be devastating. We’re not saying don’t ask questions, just don’t make assumptions. Until we had gone through this experience I would often be the one asking such questions, I only realise now how hurtful those questions could have been.

What else can I do?

Come join us, support National Infertility Awareness Week by adding a twibbon to your facebook profile.  You can follow my blog or facebook page, read the links below to help understand more about infertility.  Share your awareness so that others who quietly suffer do not feel like they are alone.

Thank you for understanding as we go through some challenging decisions and supporting us, giving us hope like you have already, we feel very much loved in the knowledge that we are not alone on our journey.

Dani & Chris X

#WeAre1in8 #YouAreNotAlone #WeAreNotAlone

Facebook: The sad truth of the matter #NIAW, #YouAreNotAlone

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Facebook – you kept me awake this morning contemplating giving you up.

I have 423 friends on facebook.

40 of my friends liked this picture of me drinking beer….almost 10%!  That’s pretty high!

Hofbrauhaus in Munich. Mmmm Beer!

Hofbrauhaus in Munich. Mmmm Beer!

The irony being that in this picture, these were not my beers, and I was drinking non-alcoholic beers that night because I’m trying for a baby!

However, only 17 liked this photo and blurb about National Infertility Awareness Week (incidentally only 2 of the 17 were men, I salute you because this is not just about women)….

Did you know that 1 in 8 couples you know may suffer from infertility? Did you know that 1 in 100 births in the US are made possible from Assisted Reproductive Technologies such as IVF? Infertility IS a disease, it is a hidden disease. This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, so please share the message and remember friends ‪#‎YouAreNotAlone‬, ‪#‎WeAreNotAlone‬, ‪#‎NIAW‬

Did you know that 1 in 8 couples you know may suffer from infertility? Did you know that 1 in 100 births in the US are made possible from Assisted Reproductive Technologies such as IVF? Infertility IS a disease, it is a hidden disease. This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, so please share the message and remember friends ‪#‎YouAreNotAlone‬, ‪#‎WeAreNotAlone‬, ‪#‎NIAW‬

So why do I feel judged or failed by sharing this photo and message?  Why do I feel like the number of ‘likes’ is a measure of my success in sharing the message about Infertility Awareness Week?  Maybe people read it, but felt awkward to like it or share it?  Did I make people feel uncomfortable?  Was it not interesting?  Did they know these facts already?  Was it too boring?  Do people not care? Was it not controversial enough?  All these things I wonder….but they are silly.  If I hadn’t posted the picture of me with the beer last week and got so many likes, would 17 ‘likes’ have satisfied me that I had some success in sharing the message?

I have thought about ways to raise awareness.  Before we started this journey, the hunt for the great pudding club, I had no clue about infertility.  I knew it happened, I didn’t know how many people it affected, and how differently it affected people.  The pain and suffering of these people were hidden from me.  It is a personal journey so it shouldn’t have to be shared with me and the whole world, but I feel like I should have been educated in it.  When I was at school and I learnt about conception, the biology behind it, the sex education classes I was unaware of quite how truly each conception is a miracle.  The events that have to occur all in line for conception to be made possible is amazing.  I only learnt about all of this over the last year.

I want to raise awareness so I drafted a blog post as part of the National Infertility Awareness Week blog challenge under the theme of #YouAreNotAlone.  I drafted it last weekend, but I have not posted it yet because the tone of blog will be highly dependent on the outcome of IUI round 3 this week. I have written two versions of the post, the first version is aimed at inviting close friends and family to help us on our journey which is about to get more difficult or, alternatively the second version, announcing to friends and family that we are pregnant in the early stages, as a result of help and assistance from fertility treatment.  I’m still waiting to post my blog.  Here is how it has gone so far…

Sat: 10 DPIUI – I landed back in the US and made Chris drive me to the pharmacy to buy us some of the expensive early pregnancy tests.  I was feeling like I was pregnant 🙂  I took the test and there was the faintest of lines.  I even took apart the test to look closer because the reflection of the plastic made me wonder if I was imagining it.  But could this be the hormones left over from my Ovidrel shot?  I went to bed smiling either way because there was still a chance.

Sun: 11 DPIUI – I took another early pregnancy test.  Nope, nothing, nadda.  Saturday must have been from the Ovidrel.  Why did I take the test so early?  Well, I have never taken a test before my period was due, I was in experimentation mode and thought what the hell.  A sad Dani.  But it is still early and definitely not over til the fat lady sings (AKA Aunt Flow).

Mon: 12 DPIUI – Chris told me not to take a test.  I didn’t.  Chris came home from work sad, he had been thinking about it all day.  I was sad too. It was a sad evening with many hugs.

Tues: 13 DPIUI – I took a cheapy test.  I saw a very very faint line!  Well at least I really thought I did.  Chris took a look at it and told me there was absolutely nothing there.  I didn’t listen to him and went to be with a little smile.  This morning I woke up and looked at it again, he was right, there is nothing there, I was actually hallucinating.

Today Weds: 14 DPIUI…….No testing today.  I will wait for Aunt Flow to arrive.  She is rumbling.  Unless I am sorely mistaken.

Whatever happens, I will be posting my blog challenge for National Infertility Awareness Week very soon. #YouAreNotAlone, #WeAreNotAlone