The Pre Hysteroscopy Surgery Appointment

February 25, 2016February 25, 201615 Comments

The nurse called me back and directed me to the toilet. I told her I had literally just gone to the toilet 2 minutes before she called me and that I apologised profusely that I did not know I was required to do a pregnancy pee test! Whoops!!! But the silly thing is that almost two weeks ago we did a blood test after IVF cycle 2 and it was a big fat negative. I am currently on Cycle Day 11 so it would actually be a miracle if I was pregnant right now!! But hey, I guess stranger things have happened. The nurse took my blood pressure and temperature as usual, but this time we did something different! A finger prick to test my hemoglobin levels. I told her it’s always fun to try something new at the clinic, just to mix it up a bit! I suggested a fertility test card bingo game, I might be on way my way to winning by now!! Winning what exactly, I’m not sure…

The nurse explained that she was going to order in to my pharmacy a prescription of two cytotec pills that I need insert vaginally an hour before arriving for my hysteroscopy next week (basically I will need to do that at 0530 on the day of the procedure!!! :-s). Cytotec is actually primarily used to prevent stomach ulcers when taking Non Sterodial Anti Inflammatory Drugs such as Ibuprofen or aspirin. But cytotec does have an off label use – to ‘ripen the cervix’ (Haha I love the fact that one ‘ripens the cervix’ like an apple or banana) Basically it helps dilate the cervix so it is easier for the camera to get into the uterus. So this adds 4 types of drugs I’ve used during infertility treatment that is off label use – Letrozole, vivelle dot estrogen patches, methotrexate and now the cytotec. Off label use means that the FDA hasn’t approved that drug for the manner in which the doctor has prescribed it. But all of these drugs are commonly used off label, so I am not worried about it. But at no point have I ever been told these are drugs are being prescribed off label. It’s an interesting practice! I digress….

After being prodded and poked by the nurse I saw my doctor who went over the procedure with me and updated my medical history. The procedure is relatively simple. I arrive at 0630 AM at the surgery operating room, they get me prepped and ready in a fabulous gown. No eating or drinking after midnight until after the procedure. No make up, jewellery etc. Similar to the egg retrieval. The anesthetist will give me a cocktail of sedation drugs, probably similar to ones to the egg retrieval. Once I am knocked out, they insert a camera through my cervix into my uterus – there are no cuts required. Then they take a look around. If there is anything there that shouldn’t be there, they will remove it there and then. They will probably also take a biopsy of my uterus. The whole procedure typically lasts 15 minutes. Then I am back out of surgery into recovery for about an hour for the sedation to wear off, then I am driven home by my lovely, patient, husband. So it really is a quick and simple procedure. I might be in a bit of pain afterwards, but there is no requirement for me to rest afterwards, however, I won’t return to work until the next day because of the anesthesia drugs.

Simples!

Finally after my doctor gave me the low down and I signed my life away for all potential risks, I moved to the business admin office to pay my dues. Here is the complicated bit.

My insurance provider is United Healthcare. Well kind of. My actual insurance company is Allianz. I work for an international organisation where the majority of its employees work in Europe, but there are a small number of us here living in the US, so although Allianz provides us with worldwide coverage, it doesn’t have a primary market in the US. So, Allianz pays United Healthcare to be the ‘front man’ for all of us employees who live in the US. This means that Allianz gets access to all the in-network negotiated benefits and doesn’t have to worry about administration costs of billing etc in the US. So all my healthcare providers bill to United, United then bill Allianz.

Have I lost you yet???!!

For anything dental or vision I have to pay for it upfront then claim it back from Allianz, then they re-imburse me 90%. But I also have the choice of paying for any other healthcare service upfront and then claiming it back directly from Allianz, I don’t have to go through United. Most of the time this isn’t beneficial because of the in-network negotiated costs can sometimes be ridiculously discounted so it is better to go through United. Except in the case of my hysteroscopy….

United demand that the hysteroscopy procedure is performed at a hospital and not the clinic. If it is not performed at a hospital they won’t pay up. If I went to the hospital, there is a longer wait time, particularly co-ordinating it so my doctor from the clinic can go to the hospital to do the procedure. Then there is the high cost of doing it in a hospital – approximately $20 000! Now, there would be in-network discounts on that, but still that is a lot of money when you compare it to what my clinic charges – just $1300 if you self pay. Also, it is also far more convenient to have the procedure done at the clinic, especially as I know their surgery room well now! So it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out what needed to be done. Today I payed the $1300 ($400 of it in cash for the anesthetist, sounds dodgy right??!) , and then I will claim that back from Allianz directly in a couple of weeks time when I get the itemised bill. Allianz don’t care where I have it done as long as it doesn’t cost more than the limit. This made me think may be I could pay for all my IVF treatment upfront and claim it back – I reckon I could save about $500 if I did that. But then I remember how many bills I got through and realised that there is no way I could easily track all of that and then track all those claims to Allianz in addition to also handle the pre-approval process. I did that for my IUIs and it was a headache. It’s not worth the stress. Even if it were to give me a crap load of credit card points!!!!

Insurance in the US – what an absolute nightmare. But I think I probably have it easy despite the unusual arrangement we have with United & Allianz. I have it easy because I have amazing infertility coverage, and for that I am truly grateful.

Anyway, here I am, ready to go now for my hysteroscopy procedure next Tuesday!!! Who’d have thought I’d be excited for a diagnostic procedure that requires anesthesia! This is what infertility does to a woman, it turns you into a masochist-craaaazy!

Average number of blastocysts per IVF cycle

February 21, 201624 Comments

It’s a really simple question – what is the average number of blastocysts per IVF cycle? After our failed IVF cycle I posted a status update in my local resolve support group’s facebook page, I explained what had happened with our cycle: 14 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 11 fertilised, 2x 5 Day blastocysts transferred (5BB & 5CC) on Day 5, 9 still alive on day 5, but 0 were of sufficient quality for cryopreservation. Some ladies commented how they had similar results with 0 embryos making it to the freezer, and one lady posed the very good question how common is it to have 0 make it to the freezer? Perhaps it is more common than we think? So it got me thinking…at no point has my doctor said what a typical number of eggs, embryos or blastocysts she would expect out of a cycle for us – the only stats we were ever told was all about our likelihood of a successful pregnancy from 1 cycle of IVF, and ultimately, a live birth. And of course, that is the only statistic we only really care about, right? This holds true, until you get a Big Fat Negative (BFN), then the other statistics start to matter and grind at you.

So I looked into it, and asked google – what is the average number of blastocysts per IVF cycle? But I couldn’t find an easy answer, or at least one that I held great confidence in. I’m the kind of person who needs to see the supporting evidence, and not just some seemingly arbitrary numbers some random person has posted on a website. But although I didn’t find any national statistics per se, what I did find, made me feel a whole lot better about our last cycle.

The statistics that the Pacific Fertility Center in Canada are claiming are [1]:

11 – Average number of eggs retrieved

9 – Average number of mature eggs

7 – Average number of eggs that fertilise (approximately 80%)

7 – Average number of fertilised eggs that will form embryos (98%)

7 – Average number of embryos on Day 3 of culture

3.5 – Average number of blastocycts on Day 5/6 (50% of good quality day 3 embryos make it to blastocyst)

It was not clear if this was their clinic’s statistics or where the source of this data came from. So my confidence is not high in it, I don’t know over how many cycles or patients this average is calculated. But at least it gives you a flavour of what numbers to expect. Note, it does not mention average number of blastocysts making it to cryopreservation!

Another clinic, Advanced Fertility Center of Chicago, provides a nice pretty chart of their own statistics, broken down by age for the period of 2003-2005. First of all my first alarm bell is that is over 10 years old now! Has anything changed in Assisted Reproductive Technologies in the last 10 years? Hmmmmm. Anyway, here it is….

Advanced Fertility Center of Chicago’s average number of eggs, mature eggs, fertilised eggs, 8 cell embryos and Day 5 blasts [2]

Their numbers are slightly lower than the Canadian clinic’s…but there could be many reasons for this because, again, there is no clue as to how many cycles/patients this average is calculated over. This clinic does publish their statistic of how many blastocysts make it to cryopreservation. And here is the money shot statistic people!!!!

Advanced Fertility Center of Chicago’s average number of blastocysts frozen per cycle in 2010-2011 [3]

Just look at how low these numbers are! An average of 1.7 for women younger than 35 years old. And this statistic is a little bit more up to date than the ones above – this was for cycles from 2010-2011.

So what is the point of this post? The point is that we didn’t have any blastocysts that made it to cryopreservation, but we did have 2 blasts that were transferred and 1 that could have been frozen, but they decided it might not survive the thaw. For our first cycle we had one blast make it to the freezer. The point is, we had high expectations for more to make it to the freezer, when in actual fact the reality is, we were better than average to have so many good Day 3 embryos and we were typically average with transferring 2 on Day 5. Yes, IVF cycle 2 was a failure, but we were pretty average with our second cycle!!! This doesn’t mean we are less likely to succeed with cycle 3, rather the odds ARE in our favour.

Happy dance Dani!!!

stay the path

[1] Source: http://www.pacificfertility.ca/our-resources/guide-to-ivf-lab-results/

[2] Source: http://www.advancedfertility.com/ivf.htm

[3] Source: http://www.advancedfertility.com/cryo.htm

Good plan batman

February 16, 201626 Comments

First of all, let me say a big thank you to everyone who showed us support by commenting on my last update. It has been a really difficult weekend. Full of emotional roller coasters. Chris and I have been brought to the edge with our sadness and confusion about our second failed IVF cycle. I couldn’t reply to your comments without crying. I am sure some of you who have been there have felt that overwhelmingness. I read each and everyone one and they mean a lot, so thank you for your support.

Today we had our follow up appointment. Chris and I prepared for the meeting the only way we know best….by making a list. We wrote a list of all possible scenarios for ways ahead on this pudding club hunt. And then we individually wrote down what we felt about each scenario and exchanged our thoughts. We discussed where there were differences. It was difficult and emotional to do as we realised that we agree in some situations, but not in others. It’s OK at this stage that we don’t agree or have the same point of view, but it was bloody hard and we had some very raw and honest conversations. We used up a few boxes of tissues 🙂 But what was good about this exercise is that we were ready to come to this follow up appointment prepared for whatever the doctor was going to suggest doing next.

When my doctor spoke to me on the phone to tell me the bad news that our IVF cycle had failed she mentioned poor egg quality, I took away bad things from this when I needn’t have. This was just my doctor’s first impressions report, she hadn’t really looked into my case in detail or reviewed my history. But this is what she did at today’s appointment.

Our doctor was very positive and believes that our best chance is to try again. We expected that, but she ruled out egg or embryo donation for us or the necessity for genetic testing. Our chances are still high more than 50% success. We will make a couple of minor adaptations to our next cycle with my medication protocol by switching from antagonist protocol to Lupron (Down regulation) protocol. I am a good responder to stimulation so she believes this may help improve the egg quality. We will also carefully review our Day 3 v Day 5 transfer options at the time. I had some excellent Day 3 embryos this time around, similar to my first cycle when I got my positive. May be my embryos don’t do as well in the culture afterwards.

But before we go into another round of IVF, I need to have a hysteroscopy. This is a small surgical procedure where the doctor inserts a camera through my cervix to look at my uterus and fallopian tube opening closely to check for any potential damage from my suspected ectopic pregnancy, scarring or inflammation as well as checking for endometriosis and taking a small biopsy for further testing. So I am scheduled for my procedure in two weeks time!

We have a plan we are both happy with. I felt a huge relief off my shoulders because our doctor was genuinely positive for our next round of IVF – and we pushed her about it too (well Chris did!!) – there was no BS-ing! So all things going well after the hysteroscopy, we are looking at an April IVF/ICSI Cycle:-)

Thank you all for sticking with us through this, it has been hard, but you make it all the better!! XXX

Infertility is a disease

February 16, 2016February 16, 201613 Comments

Infertility is a disease. It is a disease that results in the abnormal functioning of the male or female reproductive system. The World Health Organisation, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists recognise infertility as a disease.

So why don’t I think of infertility as a disease? Why do people not think about infertility is a disease? Because we don’t understand it. We don’t learn about it at school. We might learn about it through friends and family, but only if they choose to share their diagnosis and treatment. Many do not because they are embarrassed that they cannot successfully procreate.

But I am finally beginning to understand infertility, and I have been suffering from it, for over a year now. It’s taken me a while! So how can I expect non-infertile people to understand when I live and breathe it daily?

Why is it so important that infertility is recognized as a disease? Because generally people understand that a disease is something that is fought against. The concept of letting a disease consume a human being is horrifying, whether it is physically or mentally consuming. Disease is bad. Disease should not be tolerated. Disease should be researched and studied until we figure out how to overcome it.

I personally have been ignorant to the fact that we are fighting a disease. I have advocated for education and learning about infertility through my blog, and yet I have only just realized that I was ignoring it. That might seem to be an absurd statement considering the number of blog posts I have made in the past year….I think about my infertility every waking day. May be I am obsessed by it. But I have ignored it at large too. Why? Because I have been led to believe that I have a choice to procreate. And luckily, I do have a choice. I can choose not to procreate. But my choice to be able to procreate has been taken away from me by this disease.

Here’s an analogy for you.

One day I wake up and notice that I have an open wound on my arm. Hmmmm. I don’t know where that came from! Well, it doesn’t hurt, so I get up, get dressed and continue with my day. That small bloody wound on my arm is noticed by a couple of people at work.

Someone asks me…

”Errrrr……Dani……..do you know you have an open wound on your arm?”

I reply nonchalantly,

“Oh yes, I saw that this morning, it doesn’t hurt, so I figured I’ll be OK, I’ll just let it heal on its own”

My colleague looks at me strangely and says, “OK…..if you say so! You may want to get that checked out though, it looks a little nasty”.

I think about this encounter, thinking may be my colleague is right, perhaps I should get it checked out and then wonder when I can fit in a doctor’s appointment to get it looked at. I look through my calendar and see I have an open space in three weeks’ time after I have made a trip to Europe and back, and a major milestone is complete in my project. After all….it doesn’t hurt so I’ll be fine. I make the appointment to see the doctor for 3 weeks and 4 days time.

Meanwhile, I begin to learn that my arm wound offends people, so I cover it up in creative and inventive ways so as to not gross people out or distract them in meetings. But the wound is getting bigger by the day…it is spreading and now covers my entire forearm. But don’t cry for me, I can still type OK so, thankfully, I can still do my work. So no more questions are asked.

3 weeks and 4 days comes and my boss asks me to complete an urgent piece of work. I think about my arm and weigh up the pros and cons of not going to the doctor’s appointment. After all…what is the worst that can happen? My arm might need surgery. May be. OK I can cope with that, they will give me anesthesia, I’m sure. Or the absolute worst case scenario. I lose my arm. They have to amputate my arm. Yeh, that would REALLY suck. But I mean it doesn’t hurt now so that probably won’t happen. But who needs an arm anyway? Not me….Lots of people cope without their arms. I’ll be fine!

Infertility is the flesh eating disease on our arm. If it was visible, people will be telling us to go the doctor’s EVERYDAY to get it fixed. And infertility is like this analogy, because for the past year I have been constantly trying to fit in my infertility treatment around my work life. Like this anology, if I don’t do anything I could end up losing my arm – and we all know that I’m not going to die if I lose my arm. My life would just SUCK a lot. And people would feel sorry for me. Similarly, if I don’t attempt to fight this infertility like this flesh eating thing, I would just end up with no child. I’m not going to die. But that would SUCK a lot, and people would feel sorry for me.

But today, no more, I stand to FIGHT THIS INFERTILITY AS IT IS – A DISEASE. I will make sure to do my best to fight it, by keeping myself mentally healthy as well as physically healthy. If this means I need to make sacrifices at work, then this is what I will do to fight this disease. No more will it simply ‘fit in around my work life’. If I am going to advocate for infertility awareness and education, I need to fight it like I mean it, and it starts with recognizing infertility as a disease.

IVF Diary Vol II: Our Failed Cycle

February 12, 201630 Comments

I had been eagerly waiting for Chris to finish work on Thursday, I had been off work ill with this cold so was getting impatient. As soon as we were both ready, I went to pee on that stick. I watched as the wet line slowly crept up the test window…it went straight past the result line to the control line without even a vague faint line. It was so white and empty. At 12DP5DT I should be seeing that line. It was all over. I cried. I came out of the toilet and just hugged Chris and told him “It didn’t work, I’m so sorry”.

So many things were running through my head. Bitter sadness at our situation. No halloween baby this year for us. No frozen embryos from this cycle despite our great fertilisation success rate. These embies were not meant to be. Anger. The anger at our failure and hopelessness. The anger at not knowing why.

Of course, there is always a chance the pregnancy test could be wrong, but the odds at this stage were not in my favour, I’m not that naive.

Thursday night I woke up every hour with our negative result on my mind, and finally at 5AM I woke after a dream about being stuck on a sinking nuclear weapon ship that I helped to destroy by providing intelligence about it (I was a spy in my dream!). And as the ship started to sink, one small rescue boat was filling up quickly with other people, there was no room for me on it, I shouted out, “please save my frozen embryos. Please, all I want is for you to make sure they are born and grow up knowing that I was their mother, and I loved them.” I woke up in a cold sweat with tears streaming down my face.

For all our failed IUIs, the clinic never made me go in to have a beta blood test if I got a negative. For IVF, everyone has to have a blood test. I now know what it feels like to go to that blood test with a heavy heart, knowing it is pointless. The idea of not testing and waiting to get the results by phone whilst at work horrifies me, so I am glad I tested the night before to prepare me for the worst, and be with Chris at the same time. I am not brave enough for that.

Today when I went in for my blood test I got the new nurse. I knew she was new because she was literally shaking as she took the blood from me, and then afterwards proceeded to spill my blood from the end of needle all over the table. She also asked me some very awkward questions, in a sweet naive way, so I could tell she was a newbie around here! But I wasn’t in the mood for being polite and quaint, so I cursed myself as I left, telling myself it was typical for that to happen to me of all days!!!

I got THE phone call from my doctor not long after lunch when she confirmed what I already suspected. A negative result. She basically ran through what happened during my cycle – 14 eggs collected 11 mature, 11 made it to Day 5, 2 reasonable blastocysts transferred on Day 5, and then none made it to the freezer. She said that my egg quality was not looking good and we can talk about it some more at a later date when I am ready. I thanked her, put the phone down and immediately picked up the phone again and called the clinic to schedule a consult with her for next week.

What next? Chris and I talked about possible next steps, but it was foggy. I looked at my calendar and figured out if we did another IVF cycle when it might be. The thought of going through all of this again to end up with nothing seems terrifying. They say you should try at least three complete rounds of IVF before considering to changing tactics. In the UK, depending on where you live, you may only get 2 rounds of IVF with the NHS, but there is lots of research that suggests 3 rounds is the magic number. My bets are on. We don’t seem to be able get enough embryos to freeze so there will be no point in trying for genetic testing, I am betting my doctor will suggest donor eggs. This is a path we are unlikely to go down (which I will expand upon for another time). Or donor embryos, which we know little about. But before we even consider any of that we still have one frozen blastocyst from our first cycle, so we also need to think about that too.

It’s devastating to get this far to have nothing to show for it. I hope that at the least we will learn something more about our infertility.

At least you know you can get pregnant

February 11, 201615 Comments

I think I’m quite a tough lady when it comes to receiving mis-informed and unintentionally hurtful infertility advice from the more fertile. I experience it frequently because I am open about our infertility journey. I forgive them because I know they don’t understand infertility as a disease and they only mean the best for me. And I also know they couldn’t possibly truly understand how I feel because it has never happened to them. Similarly like to people who have suffered from other diseases such as anorexia or depression or cancer, I don’t know what it is like or how it feels…I would never offer my uninformed opinion about treatment options or ways to overcome the symptoms of these diseases. I won’t offer consolation that attempts to make them feel better about their disease. Rather, I will offer my ear and my hand.

So why is infertility any different to any of these other diseases in how we talk to other people about them? Why do so many bloggers end up writing about this struggle? Is lack of education really the cause of this? May be other disease sufferers experience similar unhelpful comments too. I really don’t know.

Have you seen that film about depression where friends and family offer their advice about depression, but the recipient of the advice is portrayed as a cancer sufferer? The point of the video is that you wouldn’t say these things to someone who has cancer, so why would you say these things to people who have depression? I think it is a great educational video (it’s at the end of this blog post if you want to see it). Ultimately, I think there needs to be a film in a similar light about infertility. I know there has been outrage on some forums of comparing infertility to cancer. I understand that it is outrageous because people generally won’t die from infertility. Comparing depression to cancer may also outrage many people as well…but depression can lead to suicide, it can kill too, but it is not a well understood. So what is my point? My point is that there are helpful things you can say to someone with infertility, and then there are unhelpful, even hurtful, things you can say to someone with infertility.

I have written about things that hurt, what to say, what not to say to someone with infertility many times before (ignorance is bliss, a voice of the child free family, Grow some thicker skin, you are so lucky you don’t have kids, Understanding: #YouAreNotAlone, Reblog from Que Milagro: Pardon Me While I burst into flames). Today’s post adds to this list. Today I am writing about one particular comment I have received multiple times since our loss from IVF cycle 1 from both fertile and infertile people:

“At least you know you can get pregnant”

I’m just going to put it out there straight away. There is nothing consoling about this.

I get that there are many women who have never seen those two pink lines, me being one of them until our fist IVF cycle. So I understand how hard it is to get negative after negative 25 times in a row. But being pregnant and losing a pregnancy is not consoling, knowing that I ‘did get pregnant’. I didn’t stay pregnant. Maybe they would say “But it’s one step in the right direction”, yes perhaps, but it was then like ten steps back after our loss.

Would you say this to someone after they lost their baby during childbirth? No. Would you say this to someone who lost their baby in their third trimester? I doubt it. Would you say this to someone who has suffered from recurrent pregnancy loss and miscarried 6 times? Definitely not. Would you say it to someone with secondary infertility? For goodness sake, NO. So why does this need to ever be said at all? It makes absolutely no sense at all and simply reminds me that we simply FAILED.

I am due to have my first beta test on Friday and in some ways, I am afraid of a positive than a negative. Don’t get me wrong, I WANT A POSITIVE MORE THAN ANYTHING. But I am afraid of when the positive comes, I know that even if this is my one successful pregnancy, my journey through the first trimester is going to be a psychological challenge. If we ended up in a similar position to last time with a slow rising beta levels, pregnancy of unknown location suspected ectopic, yes it will be easier knowing the process the second time around, but it will be bloody damn hard to go through it all again. And that is why I cannot accept the statement “At least you know you can get pregnant” as consoling.

IVF Diary Vol 2: 2-8 Feb 2016

February 8, 2016February 8, 20165 Comments

Medication(s) administered and dosage(s). Progesterone in Oil 1ml Intra-muscular injection, vivelle dot estrogen patches 0.1mg x2. I have failed to pierce the skin myself yet, I am so close, but I have managed to do everything else, including doing the actual injecting part…I had a couple of mis-haps, including one evening as I removed the needle, blood gushed from the injection site. The blood poured down my leg and I just managed to catch it before it landed on the nice white hotel towels. I have no idea why it happened, I guess it’s going to happen once in a while. The injection site was sore for a couple of days after that 😦

I had to put a plaster (aka band-aid) on this one after the blood gushed from this injection site! Minions to the rescue!

Medical procedures undertaken. Nil

What are my symptoms? I have had a few sharp pains and cramps here and there. All good signs I guess. I have also managed to catch a cold and sore throat. WHYYYYYYYYY??!!?!! Now the wisdom of the internet says this is an early pregnancy symptom. Well, it is the runny nose/cold part which is the symptom that can be explained by the extra estrogen caused by the pregnancy, apparently that creates a stuffy nose. Well, I have a sore throat and that can’t really be explained by that theory. Some argue that your immune system drops after implantation. Well in my case, this cold was inevitable because it was going around at work. I was the last person to catch it because it was going around mostly when I was out of office for the stimulation/egg retrieval part of the IVF. There were some remnants of the cold hanging around the office when I returned. It was bound to happen. Also, this happened to me the exact same time last year during my second IUI, excitedly thinking it was an early pregnancy symptom, I was wrong. SO I am not taking this cold as a sign of anything except for being a pain in the butt.

The night sweats. It’s gross and I hate it.

The cats have been on my lap again (two nights in a row)…I have already written about this (Can your cat tell if you are pregnant before you do) and whether it could be an early pregnancy sign. I think they can detect a change in something, whether it is pregnancy or just a change in your body temperature, I don’t know. One thing I do know, they can’t tell if the pregnancy is going to stick around or not 😦

Sushi sitting on my lap and tolerating Diesel laying next to her, it’s not a common sight

Having said all that, today I do feel a little nauseous and I couldn’t bare to eat my chicken sandwich. So who knows? May be I am pregnant! I don’t know because I haven’t tested yet!!! Yup, today I am 9DP5DT (9 Days Past 5 Day Transfer) and I haven’t pee-ed on a stick yet. I am impressed with myself! I’d like to thank a very lovely lady who I met at my local Resolve Support Group who is IVF cycling with me…she encouraged me not to do the test it out thing, and to wait it out with her!! Last time around I tested 12DP3DT (i.e. what would be tomorrow, when my period would ordinarily be due). But this time I am not testing until the evening before my Beta test (which is scheduled for Friday).

How do I feel today? You may have noticed my absence for the past week. Well I took my ‘Must keep busy during the 2 week wait’ a little too literally! Although I have been hampered a little bit as a result of work. Last week I got home in the evenings with my brain frazzled – I wasn’t doing overly long hours, just lots of hard thinking and writing. The thought of updating my blog was too much for my poor brain, so I did mindless (mindful) things such as knitting, TV watching and colouring in. I even taught Chris how to knit 🙂

My IVF knitting project 2/3 complete!

Chris learning how to knit!

We also went away on a mini road trip/city break to Charlotte, North Carolina to see the Charlotte Hornets v Washington Wizards (Basketball). My first NBA game, it was my birthday present from back in December. I had a fantastic time, I really enjoyed the experience and appreciate the very talented athletes. I think it might be my favourite American sport so far! Along the road trip we visited some random places, like a Lemur conservation, the world’s biggest chest of drawers, and a mountain that was only 350ft tall (it was a slightly misleading name of a state park!!!!). Planning a city break in this 2 week wait was perfect! (Except for the catching a cold part).

Our first NBA game!

The World’s Largest Chest of Drawers – It’s in a town called High Point in North Carolina!

Any results? Not much longer to go now!

What’s next? Beta HcG test will be 4 days from now :-s

Weight. NSTR.

Waist. NSTR.

Boobs. So, so sore and sensitive!

*Notes. I take First Response Reproductive Health multi vitamin gummies (pre-natal) and CoQ10 200mg gummies daily. NSTR = Nothing Significant To Report.

IVF Diary Vol II: 31 Jan – 1 Feb 16

February 2, 2016February 2, 201611 Comments

Medication(s) administered and dosage(s). Progesterone in Oil 1ml Intra-muscular injection, vivelle dot estrogen patches 0.1mg x2. I still have not mastered injecting this thing myself, but getting used to seeing the needle going in and injecting the oil myself.

Medical procedures undertaken. Nil

What are my symptoms? I have had some aches and pains around my ovaries. I am also quite tired, mostly because I have not been sleeping overly well since starting the progesterone.

How do I feel today? A little stressed with work situation at the moment. At work as we were trying to sort some issues out amongst the team, and I was sat there consciously trying to remain calm, breathing through my nose and exhaling through my mouth slowly and consciously. That worked for the morning, the afternoon I was just plain sad about work. Someone who I barely know came to find me after a meeting and asked if I was OK, I seemed a bit sad and not my cheery self.

Any results? At 5pm my phone rang with the clinic’s number, I couldn’t think why they were calling me. The nurse answered the other line in a somber voice. She had bad news. Our 9 embies didn’t make it to cryopreservation. So, no frosties this time around. I tried hard not to cry on the phone, and burst into tears at my work desk as soon as I got off. I cried in the car on the way home from work, trying not crash through the blubbering tears and snot. We are gutted. I am grateful we managed to transfer two at least.

What’s next? Beta HcG test will be 12 days from now :-s

Weight. NSTR.

Waist. NSTR.

Boobs. NSTR.

*Notes. I take First Response Reproductive Health multi vitamin gummies (pre-natal) and CoQ10 200mg gummies daily. NSTR = Nothing Significant To Report.

IVF Diary Vol II: 29-30 Jan 16

January 30, 201626 Comments

Medication(s) administered and dosage(s). Progesterone in Oil 1ml Intra-muscular injection, vivelle dot estrogen patches 0.1mg x2. Remember I was taking baby steps with self injecting the progesterone? Well, I have not progressed any further, in fact I probably regressed. I am really struggling to pull back the needle to check for blood and keeping the needle still, then I freak out when the needle is moving around in my butt!!! I have yet to take the plunge with putting the needle in myself. I am feeling pretty miserable with my lack of progress. I’m not going to give up, but I’m feeling frustrated at myself.

Medical procedures undertaken. 5 Day Embryo Transfer! Our transfer was scheduled for 7AM on Saturday, so we were up super early again. I learned my lesson from last time around. No tea before the procedure. Usually I am a real grump without my morning cup of tea, but as tea is a diuretic I decided to avoid it this time. I also didn’t drink anything until I arrived at the clinic. For our first IVF cycle, in addition to tea, I also drank 3/4 of the recommended water to take 30 minutes before the procedure (24oz) and I was painfully busting to go to the toilet. So, now knowing my bladder size a bit better, I decided to drink just a third of the 24oz recommended water (and no tea). I was a little nervous it wouldn’t be enough, but the ultrasound clearly showed my uterus (Dr also commented on the severity of my retroverted uterus as if it was a surprise!).

As I got onto the table ready for the transfer procedure the Doctor gave us a run down on the status of our 11 embryos. This time, she showed us the report (last time the Dr just told us we had 2 eight cell embies). We had not been given an update since the fertilisation report so I was very nervous!!! Amazingly, all 11 embryos were still alive. We had three blastocysts, graded 5BB, 5BB and 5CC. The other 8 embryos were still only 9-5 cells. They were going to wait one more day to see if they would catch up. When I said ‘so this means we will have at least one to freeze?’, she didn’t seem particularly confident that we would have any. But I will remain hopeful that the rest will catch up!! We were transferring the best two blastocysts we had, and I am happy with that!

We have named our embies Petrie and Spike…can you guess why we ended up naming them this?

Introducing Petrie & Spike – our Day 5 Embryos – now on board! (We think that weird stickie looking thing is a scratch on the petri dish – that or I will be giving birth to some stick man)

The Dr prepared me for the procedure, she washed out my ‘baby house’ as she called it, then practiced inserting the catheter, everything went smoothly! Then the embryologist came to confirm my identity, he went back to the embryology lab to show on the TV screen in our room our name on the petri dish and then a zoomed in picture of our embryos. Then he came back in the room with our embryos ready to be transferred. The Dr quickly did the transfer as we watched on the ultrasound monitor the liquid with the embryos in it go up into my uterus. Chris later described it looking like a ‘shooting star’. I thought that was a lovely way to describe this! I was wheeled back to the recovery room and I had to lie down for one hour before they would let me either pee or leave!!!

What are my symptoms? I think the estrogen and progesterone are starting to kick in and I had a good old cry last night. It wasn’t helped by my failure to do my own progesterone injection.

How do I feel today? I was pretty relaxed with the whole procedure today and I am feeling positive still. Woohoo!

Any results? I am thinking of doing a home pregnancy test everyday from 7 days past the 5 day transfer – last time I tested the day before the beta. But this time I am thinking of testing simply in the name of science. I don’t know why, I’ll have a think about this – I’ve got a while anyway! 2 Week Wait here we come!!!

What’s next? Beta HcG test will be 13 days from now :-s

Weight. NSTR.

Waist. The Dr showed me my squished uterus today from my stimulated ovaries – there were some pretty big follicles still in there. I am not surprised I am still bloated as I am. The Dr told me to keep up the drinking to help flush them out.

Boobs. Definitely growing.

~~Hours of Sunshine 🙂~~ Deleted from my diary…what’s the point? The one sunny day at a weekend – I am on enforced bed rest!!!

*Notes. I take First Response Reproductive Health multi vitamin gummies (pre-natal) and CoQ10 200mg gummies daily. NSTR = Nothing Significant To Report.

IVF Diary Vol II: 26-28 Jan 16

January 28, 20169 Comments

Medication(s) administered and dosage(s). Progesterone in Oil 1ml Intra-muscular injection, vivelle dot estrogen patches 0.1mg x2. I am taking baby steps in learning how to inject the progesterone myself. Last night I held the needle and hovered it above my skin but cried, well sobbed… and begged Chris to do it. I realised that I had never actually watched this huge needle go in before because I have always been lying down on the bed face down. So the first step was watching it break the skin. He checked for blood, then I took over from Chris and injected the oil so I know what it feels like and I took the needle out. There are definitely some challenges with injecting yourself and reaching round at the right angle – fortunately I am pretty flexible (thanks yoga!). We will do the same again whilst I build my confidence up! baby steps….!!

Medical procedures undertaken. Nil

What are my symptoms? My recovery from the Egg Retrieval surgery has been incredible! Compared with last time when I was practically crippled with pain and constipation I am in a way better place. The runny/dribbly/itchy nose and continuous sneezing has started to wear off. I treated the symptoms with nose saline spray (with aloe) and antihistamines. I was only constipated for about 1.5 days, and for someone who poos 3-5 times a day this wasn’t insignificant! But again, it was no where near as bad as last time when it was 3 days. I don’t sleep well when taking the progesterone injections or the estrogen patches, I’m not sure which is the culprit. I suspect it’s the progesterone because I remember being like that when I was only taking the progesterone suppositories for the IUIs. I woke up very early this morning with some sharp tummy pains, the kind you get from being very hungry. OK enough whinging, really, I am in a good place!

How do I feel today? I guess technically we are in the 2 Week Wait. I’m getting nervous that I am too positive now!!! Although last night I had a dream that I had to knit my embryos, and I dropped the last stitch, which meant I dropped an embryo on the floor and I had everyone looking for it!!! Don’t pscyho-analyse me too hard ;-p I went back to work on Wednesday and people were surprised to see me in good health because I had originally booked the whole week off as sick leave based on my experience last time. But it wasn’t needed!

Any results? Out of the 14 eggs that were retrieved, 11 of them were mature. Out of the 11 mature eggs all 11 fertilised successfully! This means an automatic go to Day 5 Transfer space!!! Our clinic doesn’t provide updates on the embryo progress unless things are going badly. We haven’t heard from the clinic and today is Day 3, so we are assuming things are all good. Our next update on how many made it to blastocyst will be on Saturday morning when we go in for our Transfer! It’s really strange because I know so many other clinics offer daily updates, but I’ve come to the conclusion that ignorance is bliss.

What’s next? Day 5 transfer is scheduled for 7AM this Saturday :-s who needs a lie-in when you can make a baby the good old test tube way!

Weight. Aghhhhh. I can’t even….

Waist. Seriously bloated and look pregnant.

Boobs. Getting bigger by the day – someone is happy about this! Not my bra, that’s for sure ;-p

Hours of Sunshine 🙂 The sun has been hiding. I think that the whole sun thing has no bearing on my fertility considering the amount of sun I got in August last year when we went through IVF the first time!

*Notes. I take First Response Reproductive Health multi vitamin gummies (pre-natal) and CoQ10 200mg gummies daily. NSTR = Nothing Significant To Report.