The on-call doctor called me first thing this morning and apologised she had not called yesterday with my results (she did have them yesterday after all and gave no reason). She said my beta hCG levels have risen again and she wanted me to come in today to take the methotrexate shot. I asked her if she had spoken to my doctor (- no she hadn’t) because my doctor had said she would keep monitoring me up to 7 weeks for a visible confirmation of ectopic before administering the methotrexate. 7 weeks was her cut off point. The on-call doctor said it was ultimately my decision, but it would be against their recommendation not to take the methotrexate today. She also checked with the other senior doctor who was there with her, and he said it was OK for me to wait – despite it being against their recommendation. I said OK and asked when can I come in for another ultrasound, she said it was up to me. My doctor isn’t back in the office until after the holiday weekend, Tuesday. This is when my doctor said her cut off point was. So I told the on-call doctor that I will wait for my doctor to come back. I also asked what was my actual hCG level because she hadn’t told me up to then – it was 1300 (up from 1066 48 hours ago). That was a lot less than I expected. I have a feeling it’s tailing off. Here is my chart:
The on-call doctor told me to call her anytime I wanted to change my mind, and please look out for any pain. After I got off the phone, I panicked. Chris was still asleep in bed at the time of the phone call so I woke him and basically cried at him. He says he supports my decision, but wants me to take the methotrexate. Ultimately I feel like crap right now. I have had SO MANY unknowns from encounters with doctors and I am sick and tired of it:
- When I was 18 I went to ER because I had a random massive vaginal bleed. They couldn’t tell me why.
- When I was 19 I spent a year in and out of doctors trying to diagnose my abdominal pains. I was eventually diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), but there is no test to confirm this, it was their last thing in the box (I know I do have IBS, but really we don’t know why – and no one really knows what causes IBS). I could have endometriosis too, but IBS explains the pains too. They couldn’t tell me why.
- When I was 20 I ended up in an ambulance being taken to ER because I passed out from abdominal pains. I freaked out a lot of people. They suspected that it was IBS related after eating 3 days of ration pack food in the field whilst on Army Exercise. But really – they couldn’t tell me why.
- We can’t have a baby without medical intervention. We have unexplained infertility. They can’t tell me why.
- I’m pregnant, but they can’t see anything on the ultrasound at 6W4D and hCG level of 1300. THEY CAN’T TELL ME WHY.
What is wrong with my body? It’s like I have a black box body of unknown-ness. Am I actually an alien??!
Honestly, I think I might be going crazy for not taking the methotrexate, but there is something that just doesn’t feel quite right about it. Why don’t I want to take this drug? Because I’m very afraid of the side effects and being put through this unnecessarily if the abnormal pregnancy is in fact just growing slowly in my uterus and not one of my tubes. Methotrexate can really mess with your gut, and my gut really is bad enough as it is. I am not even bothered by the fact that we have to wait 3 months before trying again – I will WELCOME this after everything we have experienced the last 2 weeks. Chris thinks I should take the shot so we can end this right now, mostly for the psychological pain, plus of course he is worried I will end up in hospital. Aghhh. This truly sucks.