The saddest thing about today is that we feel a relief with our miscarriage. It’s a bit of an oxymoron really. I am sure it is going to hit me soon, but for now I am feeling a huge weight of my shoulder, I feel 5 times lighter.
I had my blood drawn this morning by a super nice nurse, and I returned to my clinic this afternoon for the results and ultrasound. It didn’t start off great. My doctor said my hCG had risen again to 2600 from 1300 4 days ago. Yikes. I told her about my bleeding the past two days and how at 2AM I was up passing clots the size of golf balls and had been bleeding for the rest of today.
The two doctors spent an age checking every inch of my tubes, ovaries and uterus. The ‘junior’ doctor kept pointing to something and saying that she thought it was ectopic, they even switched on the colour flow on the ultrasound to see my blood pumping around, looking for the signs of the tell-tale ‘ectopic donut’ where blood flows around the pregnancy. But my doctor said no, that was definitely not ectopic, and she has seen lots of ectopics in her career (she this out loud!!). Especially now my hCG levels are much higher they really would expect to see something by now. I am very appreciative of the amount of time they took to look, particularly in comparison to the on-call doctor and other senior doctor at the weekend who spent 1/8 of the time hunting. My doctor said with an ectopic pregnancy I wouldn’t get bleeding with such large clots so she thinks it is very unlikely I am ectopic. I am SO GLAD I listened to my gut instinct and said NO to taking the methotrexate.
So the conclusion? It takes a few days for hCG levels to drop after a miscarriage begins therefore I will return on Monday next week for another blood test to check they are dropping and this is in fact a miscarriage. I have got a sick note for the rest of the week off work, so now for a bit of chilling out and eating lots of chocolate (seriously I have eaten a lot of chocolate already today).
I’m not completely in the clear just yet, we need to see my hCG levels drop and I need to pass whatever it is that has been growing in me causing my hCG levels to rise (prob. the placenta). The ‘junior’ doctor is on call this weekend, she said ‘don’t call me!!!’ she really meant “I hope you don’t need to call me!!!”…bless, she is lovely in her very quiet way.
My doctor reckons 6-8 weeks before I get a normal period returning, then we wait a natural cycle, start the Birth Control Pills and then can start a new round of IVF again or do a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) – whatever we want 🙂 This will put us at Christmas time :-s
Miscarriage is a terrible, sad, painful and hurtful experience. At 2AM last night when the big clots were passing I felt lonely and slightly terrified, I tried to sleep through the waves of pain but it was impossible, I finally fell asleep again at 5.30AM. I don’t know how long the physical pain will last, but I know that the psychological pain will last a whole lot longer.
For anyone who is reading this and currently experiencing a miscarriage right now, my heart truly breaks with you too – may be you have found this web page already, but I thought it was very useful: Coping with Miscarriage http://carikay11.hubpages.com/hub/miscarriagerecovery . Knowing that miscarriage is so common (1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage) makes this even harder, because I think about how many of my friends and family have silently been affected. I am so sorry you had to go through this – because this truly sucks X