In sickness and in health

August 14, 20151 Comment

The day before my egg retrieval we decided to culture ourselves by going to the Chrysler Museum of Art…it is a fabulous free art museum. We have been twice now and still haven’t been round the whole museum. My favourite part is the glass art. I studied art and sculpture at school up to A-Level so I like to think I have a reasonable appreciation for art forms. It was a mini exhibition in the glass section that intrigued me the most – entitled: In Sickness and In Health. Sounds like something from a set of wedding vows, right??! Hmmmm. Here is a peek at the artist’s main exhibit:

Beveryly Fishman: In Sickness and In Health at the Chrysler Museum

I was enamoured by it. Why? Because it represents the world of modern medicine very well. I didn’t take photos of the side exhibits, but they were intriguing too. It is meant to be a ‘playful yet provocative commentary on the world of modern medicine’. As I looked closer at the glass pills I began to understand what she was trying to represent…the bright colours and bold patterns of the pills are supposed to alert us to the complicated relationship between a $500 BILLION pharmaceutical industry and our yearning for good health. The exaggerated sizes of the pills aim to point towards the excess of the industry with aggressive marketing tactics to promote various medications to the sick AND healthy. I realised as I stood there with my big fat bubbling ovaries weighing me down from all the recent injections that looking into the reflection of these giant glass pills, this was part of ME.

$7700 our IVF medication cost for just one round of treatment. (I know we can buy it a whole lot cheaper…I compared it to the cost in the UK). The artist says that when you look in the reflections of certain glass pills you will see a distorted mirroring ‘evoking the complex connections between chemical substances and our own self-awareness’. I want my own biological child THIS much…I am willing to inject and consume $7700 worth of medication despite the fact that I am not actually SICK. But then again, I have a disease, it’s called infertility, I guess that makes me sick officially, I just don’t feel SICK. But the doctors don’t know what is making me SICK and so we are trying everything possible to overcome it. Do I have a distorted view of our situation?

I put a lot of trust in the doctors and the medication we are using…I mean have you seen the whole list of disclaimers on those medicines???!!! Here in the US there are lots of adverts for drugs on TV and radio, and they have to legally state what possible side effects are, and sometimes these disclaimers go on for 2 whole minutes usually ending up with – may cause every disease under the sun – oh and don’t forget death. We just don’t have this form of advertising in the UK, so it is odd and I always wonder why anyone would ever take the drugs that are being advertised if there is a chance of death. Some of the drugs I am using are known to increase the risk of various cancers, including ovarian and breast cancer. I am willing to accept those (admittedly teeny tiny) risks to have my own child. But to what extent will I keep doing this – pumping chemicals and hormones into my body? How much is too much? When do we stop? When is enough, enough?

The museum critique concludes with a poignant question about the exhibition:

Is this culture of chemistry making us healthy or is it creating an ‘Artificial Paradise’?

When is enough, enough?

Facebook – the good, bad and ugly

August 8, 2015August 8, 201522 Comments

Hi, my name is Dani, and I have been a facebook addict for about ten years. I don’t want to give it up just yet, but we have been having a love-hate relationship recently. Let me explain the good, bad and ugly of facebook to you.

The GOOD.

On Thursday’s egg retrieval we did something very random and spontaneous. After Chris put his ‘egg packing uniform’ on, the nurse asked if we would like a photo of us together. After the nurse snapped a few of us posing together and left chuckling at us (in a nice way), I asked Chris to strike a pose for me in his beautiful attire. (I posted pictures of him posing yesterday) I laughed about putting it on facebook. He said, go on then! I wasn’t quite sure if he really meant it. I pointed out that people would ask why he was wearing it. How would you respond to that?

Chris has been quite adamant in the past that he does not want to post anything on facebook about our infertility, he doesn’t want to share it with the world, and I respect him for that. The only time I have posted something on facebook was when he gave me my first injection on Valentines day. The post was vague enough that only one or two people asked us questions about it. I also shared an article about infertility awareness week, I had only one question about that one.

So I sat there with the photo of the two of us in our surgery attire that the nurse had taken and pondered what to write along with it. I crafted something positive, short and to the point. And then I cried. I was about to chicken out of it, but then a thought popped into my head, what the heck – why should we have to hide this big life event? So I pressed ‘Post‘. 20 seconds later my phone vibrated, and again, and again, and again. I was nervous to look at it. What type of comments would I get? Would people just press like and be too afraid to comment? I was starting to feel sick to my stomach. Here is what I posted:

After the transfer procedure was completed, Chris then posted a picture of our embryos from his own facebook account “Apparently babies come from raspberries”:

Our first post received 232 likes and 73 comments wishing us love and luck. My phone did not stop buzzing all day yesterday. And then came the personal private messages. Statistically speaking, infertility is likely to affect about 20 couples out of this group of people. Of course friends we know who had gone through IVF contacted us either on facebook or privately to wish us luck and offer a hand/advice if ever needed, but then there was some of our friends who we discovered had been silent about their treatment for infertility who messaged us too. We had private messages of inspiration and warm wishes. We were astounded by this response and feel so much love filled in our hearts.

I cannot possibly feel negative for a while after all this support!!!

It is difficult going through infertility when a number of close friends and family are so physically far away. Facebook provides us with the ability to stay connected with them – sure there are other means to do this (Skype, whatsApp, Email etc), but it allows us to deal with the timezone differences and still feel connected. This to me makes facebook a GOOD commodity in helping us build friendships that help carry us through the bad times of infertility.

I can imagine some people reading this will be thinking we are crazy for posting what we did, but it wasn’t something that came naturally, rather it is something that has taken time to learn to be comfortable with. I started to take the stance of not hiding our infertility a few months ago, if moments came up in conversations I would talk about it (awkwardly), and now I feel a lot more comfortable talking about it than I used to, I don’t whisper at work anymore and I may even start a conversation about it. The underlying point is that it has taken time to become comfortable and not ashamed of what we are going through.

The BAD

By posting what we did before the embryo transfer, we have opened up our hearts to a much wider audience, and if things don’t go well for us it’s going to be hard to deal with so much condolence on our hands. We are now vulnerable. We are also vulnerable to comments and unwelcome advice that drive you mad when you are going through infertility. We can’t filter these comments out from facebook. We shouldn’t just de-friend someone because they made a hurtful comment that they didn’t realise they were making. But we can de-friend people who turn out to just not be real friends or purposefully spite us with hurtful comments, at least we can block them from that part of our lives. Fortunately, I have never experienced anything spiteful, malicious or hurtful regarding our infertility.

The other thing about facebook that is just plain BAD are the pregnancy announcements and baby photos that plaster your newsfeed. For some people suffering from infertility, this should probably be in the UGLY section. But I actually don’t mind pregnancy announcements, especially if they are close friends. I do get a little bit tetchy when ultrasound photos are incessant, but you know what I can do? I can edit the facebook options so that I don’t see their posts unless I want to or choose to go to their facebook page when I am feeling good to see what they have been up to.

The UGLY

For me, the ugliest thing about facebook are those targeted ADVERTS. Pregnancy, baby clothes, mom sites, nappies….aghhhhhhhhhh JUST GO AWAY!!!! I can cope with a pregnancy announcement any day over this crap. You know what also gets my goat? THE WORST. Targeted adverts about infertility. Clearly I browse infertility websites, so why does any infertility website think it is OK to use targeted advertising about infertility to appear on my facebook feed? Do their marketing people know anything about infertility?????????? Do people with cancer get adverts about cancer? Do they want to see adverts about cancer, just as they have gone in to remission? I guess it is an individual’s perspective about whether this type of advertising is useful or not. For me, this is just UGLY.

I wonder a lot about the algorithms facebook use to determine if an ad should be placed on my page. They use data from your profile, such as location, age, gender, interests, connections, relationship status, languages, education and workplaces. That is all pretty basic information. However, there is more personal information that facebook uses such as your listed likes and interests, pages you like, apps you use and other timeline content that you have provided. I decided to see what kind of information advertisers need to provide to facebook, and it is indeed seemingly innocent. Here is what I found:

Creating a facebook advert: infertility is an interest that can be directly targeted to a user

The interest “infertility” is possible to target an audience to, these are people who have liked content relating to terms such as PCOS infertility (audience 246,280), unexplained infertility (205, 540) or male factor infertility (31,960) or even resolve (22,850). ( By the way, I found the potential audience numbers really interesting – note how low male factor infertility is? )

Fortunately, I was educated a couple of days ago how to stop this from happening on your facebook page. Nara from the Zero to Zygote blog recently posted how to stop adverts (in fact any type of advert) that you do not like appearing on your facebook feed. You can check out her handy guide here. I am so grateful to her for this post, as soon as I read it I immediately went ahead and clicked on a stupid pregnancy ad I have been receiving over the last few days and changed my setting to block ads like that.

The second question is whether facebook uses data other than what is found on your profile and your actions on facebook, for example when you visit infertility blogs, forums and IVF clinic pages? The answer is yes, like many other websites, cookies and trackers are used to directly target the ads you see on your facebook page. Some people may call this spying, marketers would call this targeting. You may think that you can just turn off cookies and trackers in your browser, it’s easy to do, but facebook will not let you use certain features if you do this. However, you can limit it by following the instructions here: http://gizmodo.com/how-to-stop-facebook-from-sharing-your-browsing-history-1589918083.

Hopefully, for me now, the UGLY has just gotten a whole brand new makeover (thanks Nara!!!), the BAD has been put on the naughty step for a time out, and facebook has become more of the GOOD that I originally signed up for (thanks Chris!!).

Do you have any good, bad or ugly stories about infertility and facebook to share?

When to transfer? The pros and cons

August 5, 20158 Comments

Last update I had on the development of our embryos was Wednesday morning (Day 1)…we had 4 fertilised eggs. Today (Day 2) we do not know what has happened to them. Tomorrow (Day 3) at 7AM we are going in to potentially have a day 3 embryo transfer. So we have been debating about our decision to do a day 3 or a day 5 transfer. Without any knowledge of the status of our embryos everything is rather circumspect. So we discussed the pros and cons of each scenario*.

Day 3 Pros

Good chance of actually having a transfer!
Maybe the embryos will be better off developing inside me.
Freezing on day 3 means we have more embryos to freeze.

Day 5 Pros

You get to transfer the best embryos
Physiological conditions – embryos (blastocysts) would normally be in the uterus at the stage – so they are in the right place!
Reduces the chance of multiples
If the embryos don’t make it to day 5, then there isn’t a 2 week wait to find out and therefore less medication.
good quality embryos (blastocysts) frozen.
Better chances body has recovered from egg retrieval.

Day 3 cons

A greater chance of multiples
Embryos normally would be in the fallopian tube on this day
Poorer quality embryos may be frozen
Lower quality or ‘wrong’ embryos may be transferred
Body not fully recovered from egg retrieval procedure – I am actually still massively bloated, my abdomen is sore and hard, walking is still not my greatest past time at the moment, I still have constipation and I am still bleeding a little bit (Initially thought I was peeing blood today!).

Day 5 cons

Embryos may not grow to blastocyst (usually due to abnormal genetics – although isn’t this a good thing?)
There is a risk of no transfer at all (crazy emotions could be a point here)
Potentially less embryos to freeze
May loose some embryos that would have grown inside the body

After our discussions we both believed that we would probably want to wait to transfer to day 5, but we will wait to see what the doctor suggests. I feel like we will have to make a decision on the spot which is a bit scary. And it is both of our decisions, not just mine and not just Chris’s either :-s Eeeek, I’m nervous!!!

*This list was mostly adapted from the book: IVF: A Patient’s Guide by Rebecca Matthews

The pain of unexplained infertility

July 13, 2015July 13, 20153 Comments

Unexplained infertility eats away at you, month by month, day by day, hour by hour. The pain grows exponentially, as the odds of a successful pregnancy diminish.

At first, you thank your lucky stars (or your god), that there is nothing seriously wrong with you or your husband. You both passed all the fertility tests with flying colours. Your Reproductive Endocrinologist should be giving out gold stars each time you brave another fertility test because your stats are great and you are top of the class.

But you are defined as infertile, and yet at the same time, they cannot find any medical reason as to why you are unable to conceive. This is not through any fault of the doctors; learning to accept this fact is difficult. Beginning to understand the wonders of conception and how many stars have to be in line for a baby to be born makes it a little easier to swallow. But that doesn’t make it any less bitter.

You beat yourself up over the seemingly small things…

Should I have just had that glass of wine?
Am I too fat? Am I too skinny?
I forgot to take my pre-natal multivitamin – will my eggs mature this month?
Will that cup of coffee harm my little bean?
Did I exercise too hard? Should I exercise more?

The ambiguity of it all drags on you, it weighs heavy on your heart. You can’t help but believe it must be something you are doing wrong. Even with the strength of your friends and family around you holding your hands, it feels like the road is getting darker, narrower and scary as hell.

You can’t move on, you can’t stop, because you might just be at the false summit and your success story is just around the corner. You don’t know how long your journey will be…the blisters are beginning to burn and you just can’t figure out why it’s happening. Giving up is not an option.

You cannot lie, although your friends will give you kind encouraging words and strong hands to keep you going up that mountain, there are no words that can ever compensate for why this is happening. God’s will…or….it is meant to be….just does not compute or make sense. The pain will continue to grow, you will cry, you will question yourself….but you will keep swimming.

“Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.” (Dora, Finding Nemo 2003)

Reflections on the future – using someone else’s ten lessons learned on Infertility

June 28, 2015June 28, 20154 Comments

A friend of mine recently sent me a link to a Huffington Post Article “Ten things I would tell my past self about infertility”, written by Kathryn Kefauver Goldberg (she has written other posts too). Not only was it an interesting article, but my friend told me “I can be your number 9”. Number 9 in the list of ten things was:

9. Find one person to whom you can talk uncensored. Check in with yourself about what and who feels good. This might be a friend, a counselor, a support group — anyone who can support you unconditionally and isn’t invested in the outcome.

Well of course, my friend already is my number 9 🙂 I’ve got this one nailed already! So what about the other 9 suggestions in the list of Ms Goldberg’s lessons learned?

1. Recognise that the limbo of infertility puts you in an impossible situation. This is something we are totally dealing with right now, with the added limbo on whether we stay in the US or move back to Europe. Fortunately, one of those limbos has been taken away – I have been offered an indefinite contract, so I don’t have to leave the US in December! We have choices. But we don’t have choices when it comes to whether we get pregnant or not! So we are handling it OK right now, better than last week. We will just take one to two weeks at a time. It’s pretty hard work on the abdominal muscles all this limbo business, but you get a good work out, and your muscles only get stronger as time goes on.

2. Feeling sadness will not define your path. I have had a pretty tough few weeks on this front, and I have questioned my ability at work, if I am coping. I even asked myself if I was depressed. I don’t believe I am depressed, but just sad. Being sad is OK. How do I know I am not depressed? Well I just googled it, and I am not depressed, I don’t fit the descriptions.

3. Define and honor your limits. Here Ms Goldberg talks about pressure to try everything on the medical front. It can be quiet easy to go far without questioning medical treatment, for example agreeing to ICSI, agreeing to freezing embryos, agreeing to participate in research etc. We have made sure we talk about it together, but I am not sure Chris and I have the same feelings on how far we go on our path. I think I will feel what I will feel, in the future and I can’t predict that right now, so I don’t want to put a maximum number of attempts, money or time on our path.

4. Listen to your doctor and trust your gut. I’m not very good at questioning a doctor, after all they are supposed to be the qualified ones, right? But I do get gut feelings about people and I have a positive gut feeling about our doctor, even if she seems a little crazy sometimes.

5. Have rote answers prepared for nosey questioners. I have talked about this on two occasions recently, but I think it depends on the situation. It’s a careful balance. This week I caught up with some friends I haven’t seen for a year, and I totally lied to them about what we are going through (I didn’t lie directly, I just avoided the opportune moment to talk about it) and I wish I had just been honest because I know they would have been great about it.

6. For every medical procedure you go through, find a soothing activity for your body. Ahhh a couple of massages I think might be scheduled. Maybe we need to think about this more.

7. Take care of your heart. This is more about protecting yourself from emotional overload moments, like going to baby showers. Well I have decided to tackle these head on. Infertility doesn’t define the me and the type of friend I want to be to my friends. I won’t let it, and it’s worked so far. I will take care of my heart, but I know Chris has got me on this one too. He’s like my cod liver oil or what ever is good for your heart – he is my added protection layer for my heart.

8. Invent a project. Well I have decided to take another online course starting in a week. This will be my project. It will be a useful distraction, I hope, rather than be an added stress.

…

10. It will be OK, though your definition of OK will change. I tell myself this a lot. Everything is going to be OK. And if I ever doubt this, all I need to do is listen to Chris’s playlist of movie’s all time greatest dramatic soundtracks, like the one below. And everything is going to be OK again. This is my future.

“You are so lucky you don’t have kids”

June 16, 2015June 16, 201512 Comments

Oh I have been itching to blog about this for a few days, but we have been out road tripping on a short break to Savannah, Georgia. We drove just over 1000 miles round trip and saw some wonderful things. But I will tell you a short story that really got my goat.

Our first night in Charleston, South Carolina we found ourselves a small smokehouse joint for dinner. We managed to find a relaxed type bar that had a short menu of BBQ meat, meat, oh and more meat. We ordered loaded duck fat fries and a typical Southern BBQ platter, and we were not disappointed. We were just about to roll ourselves out of the bar, when Chris bumped into another Brit, a man in his 50s. Oh not just any Brit, but a Brit who also lives where we live – 400 miles away! What were the chances of that? After the Brit introduced himself, we quickly noticed how drunk he was. He asked us many questions – where we were from, what we were doing, what did we do for a living, where we were from (wait – we already answered this one – but he was drunk so ….). He looked us over and asked if we had children. No, we both politely replied. “Oh you are lucky” he winked at us. Not cool. He then wanted us to meet his wife. So we went through the Spanish inquisition again…I was beginning to get a little annoyed at this stage. It’s nice to talk with other Brits about living in the US, but clearly it is not nice to talk to a drunk Brit, it can get a bit embarrassing when they shout across the bar all the annoying things about living in America. The Brit asked us once again if we had children, because he obviously had forgotten how ‘lucky’ we are. So once again we said we did not have children, and once again he proceeded to tell us that we were lucky. At least he was consistent in his ideas about having children. After another 5 minutes of this we attempted to make our escape….but they wanted to have dinner with us! Oh no. Just as we made our excuses, he started talking about how lucky we were to not have children again, and if he were us, we should not have them. So it was definitely time to leave.

As we left we both commented on how rude it was to say such a thing: ‘You are so lucky you don’t have kids’, especially to us, going through what we are going through right now. Even if we were not going through this, in my opinion it would still be a rude thing to say. Of course everyone is entitled to a different opinion. But the manner in which the opinion was conveyed was just plain rude.

Little did he know that later that evening I would be crying as my period started once again (unexpectedly – a very short 23 day cycle) and so no, I didn’t feel lucky in any shape or form and just felt like crap.

Reflecting upon this situation, looking past my anger at the rudeness of the Brit’s statement “You are so lucky you don’t have kids”, I just felt sad. Sad that this man would say such a thing to strangers not once, but three times, unprompted. Parenting is not easy, but I hope whatever issues he has had with his children in the past he can remember the good things about being a parent, the reward, the challenge, the sacrifice, the love and I hope the future holds something a little more positive for him.

The Cat’s Meow: Helping us through our infertility journey

June 9, 201513 Comments

I’m not sure what I would do without my two cats – Sushi and Diesel. These two feline friends have helped us along our journey through infertility. How? Well there are three main ways….

1. Stroking a cat has been scientifically proven to be therapeutic during stressful times. Although Diesel, our ‘terror-quisitive’ cat runs away if you were to approach him for strokes, but he will happily to come to you for strokes. Many strokes. In any shape or form. Very therapeutic. For both human and cat alike!

2. Cats like to help you read important books like “The IVF patient’ guide to IVF” or “It starts with the egg”. They want to make sure they are helping you every step of the way…

3. We can learn a thing or two from cats. For example, they help us to learn how to just chill out and take it easy. When things don’t go our way or we get a bit stressed, take a leaf from their book. Look – it’s easy!!! Just stretch, lay back and relax.

Now this is how you chill out. Just stretch, lay back and relax!

Anything else I’ve missed?? How do your pets help you on your pudding club journey?

So, do you want children too?

June 7, 2015June 7, 20158 Comments

So, do you want children too?

Multiple choice answers, you only get one chance to get the right answer:

A) Reply smoothly, “Yes, some day soon – kids are cool”.

B) Reply, indignantly “No, never ” (By the way, did you know that you just spent 10 minutes complaining about kids taking up all your free time – you have put me off them for life).

C) Reply, matter-of-factly “Yes, actually we going to be making one in a petri dish next month, maybe even two. Hopefully that will do the trick.”

D) Pretend to see someone calling you from the other side of the room and run away, trying not to cry until you make it to the toilets.

This weekend I went to a beautiful wedding back in the UK, my friend from school was tying the knot!! I lamented in my last post about drinking alcohol at the party and dreading answering the question why I wasn’t drinking. In the end, I decided to have a couple of drinks, but only a glass of champagne and glass of wine – I also tried a bit of gin and tonic (ohhhhhh how I miss you gin and the bitter-sweet taste of tonic water with a slice of tongue tingling lime). I will say, that having not being used to these beverages I was a little tipsy – in a good way – it went straight to my head! But a merry affair was had 🙂 It was just the most lovely wedding and I am so happy for my friend that she has found love with a rather lovely gentleman who will treat her well.

The wedding was at a beautiful venue in a harbour on the South coast (a tad windy!)

Right, back to the subject of this post. Without thinking much about having to answer the question “Why are you not drinking”…I forgot about the classic question that came a bit out left of field “So…how about you, do you want children?”. And to make matters worse, the question came from a ‘high school ex boyfriend’ who I haven’t since in as many years. He had just spent several minutes talking about his kids (who, by the way, were two adorable little cuties who are super bright) and he then just came out with the question.

So which multiple choice answer do you think I gave??? Well, for some reason I decided to go with C: “Yes, actually we going to be making one in a petri dish next month, maybe even two. Hopefully that will do the trick.” I don’t know why it was my instinct to say it, but then the conversation just got awkward after that. Damn it. I hate awkwardness. I won’t be using that answer EVER again 🙂 I’ll stick with A: “Yes, some day soon – kids are cool”.

And time stands still….

June 3, 2015June 3, 20159 Comments

Time is standing still – nothing has changed in our lives, well not in the way we planned for anyway. And everyone else is moving forward. I noticed this today as I realised our hopes have not yet come to fruition.

In April 2014 I went back to the UK for a school friend’s wedding; it was the first time I’d seen some old friends for quite some time and my friend who was getting married lives in Australia so it was soooo good to catch up – in style of course! I wasn’t drinking at the time – there was a free bar – so I braved telling a couple of my friends that Chris and I were trying for a baby. I remember being EXCITED yet nervous. 14 months later, and I am going back to the UK for another wedding. I will see people I haven’t seen in 14 months and some people I haven’t seen since school!!!! What’s my story this time? Why am I not drinking? Well it’s the same story – Chris and I are trying for a baby. But this time I’m going to feel sad, I’m not sure I can face actually saying the words out loud this time without a tear in my eye.

So my plan of attack is to drink….Well drink a little bit – or walk around with a glass in my hand at least. Part of me also thinks – what does a bit of alcohol matter? Well I will be about 6DPO at the wedding (I don’t know for sure because I haven’t tracked my cycle, I’m guestimating). Darn it!!! I’m going to feel guilty drinking more than one.

And so time has stood still – I just ‘liked’ about ten posts on facebook all relating to babies becoming toddlers, toddlers becoming kindergarten kids. Babies I have still yet to meet, who won’t be babies when I do meet them. Time continues to grow and build lives outside of mine. I’m grateful that I have a happy and fortunate life. Life really could be worse. I’m not being depressive. Please do not worry!!! I am just being observant, sensing and feeling about time more than I ordinarily do – that is all.

from thedailyquotes.com

Suggestions for keeping your sanity on the Emotional Roller Coaster of Infertility Treatment

May 22, 20151 Comment

In our pack of homework there was a little article from our fertility clinic’s resident psychologist. I am sure she wouldn’t mind me copying it to my blog to share with everyone else if it helps anyone else. Thank you Dr Barbara Kersey for your wise words….

1. Lower your expectations of yourself at this time. Infertility treatment is stressful. Learn to say “no” to other commitments that are not absolutely necessary. Chris and I both agreed we need to do this more.

2. Don’t listen to “horror stories” from other patients or friends. Keep your own counsel in the waiting room. Exchange only helpful, positive suggestions with others. I haven’t heard too many horror stories on the blogs. I don’t go to forums too much because this is where I have come across horror stories. I’ll be honest, I tend to find bloggers a bit more educated in their opinions compared to those who may be posting on forums. That doesn’t mean all people on forums are not educated, I just find that sometimes forums can be a little laisez faire behind posts. So far we have not spoken to anyone in the waiting room, and we probably won’t; it’s quite a daunting place, but you never know if someone there has just had a miscarriage or just found out they are pregnant. I’m not inclined to start any conversations here.

3. Make it your business to be as calm as possible when you are here for treatment. This won’t guarantee that you will get pregnant, but it can only help. Whenever I have an appointment I have had my blood pressure taken – there is definitely a correlation behind the type of appointment and my increased blood pressure! But I have noticed that it was lower for my third IUI. Hopefully that is because I am relaxing a bit more.

4. To help develop your sense of calm, try yoga, meditation, full body massage, journaling, walking etc. ANYTHING that helps keep your balance. I love yoga, blogging, walking – I think one can always add in a massage or two here or there!

5. Recogonise that the staff is here to help you. Anxiety and anger are natural feelings, but won’t help you (or anyone else) to let staff bet the recipient of these feelings. We spoke with a nurse once about this issue. I said that they must have a very difficult job when dealing with such sensitive patients. The nurse said she finds it hard and there are very difficult days, but equally a number of rewarding days. She never knows how a patient will react so tends to keep very reserved. My hats go off to the doctors and nurses working in this industry for the challenges they face everyday.

6. Get outside support. Try Resolve, the national support group for couples who deal with infertility. For information go to www.resolve.org. Once softball league is finished next week, we might go to one of our local meetings. We both agree it might be a good idea to meet some others and get some support.

7. Recognise that infertility is a COUPLES’ issue. Keep the lines of communication open with your partner. Infertility is a huge stress on marriage. Get outside help if needed. Well Chris wrote a blog post about this the other day…so I won’t say much more other than he is a great rock to me, I hope I am to him too. I hope we can keep doing this all the way until we have a little F. (Obviously keeping the whole marriage thing up afterwards too 😉 )

Happy Friday Y’all!!! (Check me out with my American speak!!!)