The Real Neat Blog Award

real-neat-blog-award

I have been nominated by I’m Impregnable! for the real neat blog award.  I really am chuffed to bits, thank you.  My blog was always meant to be a place to capture my own thoughts and journey through infertility, but the fact that at least one other person feels like it is worth reading is still quite amazing to me!  I’m Impregnable is going through some tough decisions right now, and I can relate to her on this level.  Tomorrow we find out whether or not IUI round 3 was successful, if it isn’t then the decision to move to IVF is going to be a tough one.  PS. Thank you to everyone who has been wishing us well 🙂

The Rules:

  • Put the Award Logo in your post.
  • Answer 7 questions asked by the person who nominated you.
  • Thank the people who nominated you, linking to their blogs.
  • Nominate any number of bloggers you like, linking to their blogs.
  • Let them know you nominated them (by commenting on their blog)
 7 Questions I have been asked and my answers:
1) What is your favorite color?
Yellow!  But you won’t catch me wearing yellow much because I am pretty pale :-s
2) Do you have a baby name picked out already?
Chris and I do not have any names picked out, but every so often we talk about it.  We have a little book we carry around with our crib board and playing cards that we keep our crib winnings logged. In the back of this little book a list of names we have talked about.  I will mention right now that Chris says if it’s a boy he wants to call it Huckleberry.  Now really to this day I am still not sure how serious he is, but one thing I do know is that kids are cruel.  If you shorten the name to Huck – what does it rhyme with?  No, I’m not talking duck or puck.  If he is serious I agreed it could be a middle name if he really wanted.  Incidentally, if you are a fan, Bear Grylls’s son is called Huckleberry.  His other sons are called Jesse and Marmaduke.
3) What is your favorite vacation spot?
Anywhere with a mountain in it!!!  Chris proposed to me when we were in the Dolomites in Italy, so that place is pretty special.  Our wedding was planned around our planned Honeymoon to Whistler in Canada for some skiing.  I think that sums us up really!
4) Do you have any pets?
Sushi, British Medium Haired Tortie Cat, 4 years old.
Sushi AKA 'lady muck'

Sushi AKA ‘lady muck’

Diesel, American short Haired Ginger Cat we rescued from almost certain death, 9 months old.
Diesel - the 'Terrorquisitive kittie'

Diesel – the ‘Terrorquisitive kittie’

5) What are your hobbies?
Anything that involves outdoors, hiking, climbing and skiing in particular.  For being indoors I love yoga and being a bit of a data science geek when I get the time to be.
6) What would you tell another woman dealing with fertility issues?
Blogging can be a great therapy.  The journey is best shared equally, remember you are both on the journey and you will be stronger together.  The top of the mountain will be glorious.
7) What do you do for stress relief?
Yoga!!!
Blogs I would like to nominate for the Real Neat Blog Award:
My Missing Ingredient is Patience.  Sam is from the UK going through some tough fertility testing right now so I follow her blog with much anticipation that she gets her dream of two pink lines, but it was her post about ‘Never Going to be That Kind of Woman‘ that caught my eye as I felt like I could relate to her more than just suffering crappy infertility 🙂
Life’s Journey.  Pikachu4You is also going through IUI right now too, and her post on being positive was inspiring when I was feeling particularly down about it all.  I really hope she doesnt make it to round three of IUI and this is her time!!  Not much longer ’til test time!!
Que Milagro.  AnaMarie’s blog isn’t just about infertility, I love her honesty and openness.  Recently AnaMarie got the two pink lines she has been longing for, so it is exciting times over on her blog!
Questions for you nominees:
1.  What is your favourite time of year?
2.  If I gave you $200 ( or 100 GBP, it’s a good exchange rate ;-p) what would you treat yourself to?
3.  Do you have a favourite saying/quote/phrase?
4.  Who do you look up to as a role model?
5.  If you could quit your job tomorrow, and be instantly knowledgeable in any subject you like, what career would you like to try?
6.  Who will you tell first that you are pregnant (other than your partner of course!)?
7.  If you could only choose one….Appetizer (Starter), Entree (Main) or Dessert….what would it be?

11 DPIUI and there is a cat on my lap

Sushi my cat is not much of a snuggle cat with me, it’s been about a month since she last snuggled with me. And here she is…lying on my lap.

  

Although I wasn’t pregnant last month and I wrote about cats knowing you are pregnant, there is definitely something strange about her behaviour. Maybe my body temp is just generally higher at this time of the month, but I have to say it there is something weird going on here!

Bitter Sweet Days

When logging on to catch up on my daily dose of the blogging world, I get a little bit excited.  I am excited because I love to see that announcement I myself long to write.  Seeing those beautiful two pink lines.  I am inspired by women who have stayed strong through their battles against infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, they are unaware what their blogs have helped to overcome in the last few months.

But excitement is rarely straight forward in the infertility community.  Parties, ‘champagne’, phone calls, hugs, kisses, messages from loved ones are not always immediately possible.  I get nervous when I log on almost as much as I get excited.  I get nervous for those who the bitter sweet of the two pink lines can be several weeks down the line, who may experience the greatest sadness of their lives.  The happiness, cruelly taken away.  The punch in the stomach.  The pain and headaches from sadness and sometimes even a depressive hole.  I am nervous for them.

There is nothing more I can say about these feelings other than how I find some days to be simply bitter sweet.  I know the old saying ‘When life throws you lemons, make lemonade’, but sometimes life is just not like that.  Those lemons suck.  Really suck.

I wish....

Wishing happiness….

Beer, Beer and more Beer!! Wait – should you really be drinking beer?

Beer – the cool, refreshing, golden nectar.  My first beer was admittedly at a young age of 13.  I hated it, but that’s what everyone else was drinking, so beer it was.  As my palette has grown accustomed to the varieties and tastes I have become a distant admirer of certain beers.  Particularly German Hefeweizen beers.  So during my 2WW it was difficult to come all the way to Germany and avoid the stuff…..so……here I am – two beers in hand!!!

Hofbrauhaus in Munich. Mmmm Beer!

Hofbrauhaus in Munich. Mmmm Beer!

Officially, Chris and I both gave up alcohol almost 17 months ago.  I say ‘officially’ because we have both had alcohol in these months as we have caved on occasion.  However, we have significantly reduced our intake of alcohol to maybe one or two beers/glasses of wine a month, if at all.  The reason?  Because ‘they’ tell us alcohol affects both fertility and the development of the foetus in the early stages.

It is logical, after all, if alcohol is capable of making you do silly things with your mind, then surely it can affect other things too.  I have no qualms in giving up alcohol, plus it saves on the purse, and reduces the calorie intake (never hurts).  There are many conflicting views about the impact of alcohol on fertility.

The UK Government suggests a pregnant woman, or a woman who is trying to conceive should drink no more than 1-2 units once or twice a week (ie one small glass of wine).  Their drink aware campaign (www.drinkaware.co.uk) website is quite informative about alcohol and fertility for both men and women.

One interesting bit of research I read about from Harvard University found that couples undergoing IVF found that women who drank more than six units per week were 18% less likely to conceive, while men were 14% less likely*.  Although this statistic sounds quite high you will only need to drink 3 times a week or more, that is quite a lot.  LAst time I drank that much was at University!!  Generally, I go with the school of thought that one small drink every once in while is unlikely to have any significant impact.  But as the stakes grow higher and more money is invested in our treatment, the more cautious I am about alcohol intake.

So what about that picture above with me holding two beers from Friday night?  Well they actually are not mine, they are the beers of my new colleagues.  BUT! I did enjoy three non-alcoholic Weizen beers!  Obviously the fact that I had three meant I must have enjoyed them.  It was only after one of my German students told me that he was taking a case of the non-alcoholic stuff back to Rome with him that I thought I should give it a go.  Usually, non-alcoholic beers remind me of the bitter taste of Beck’s non-alcoholic that was served when I was on my tours of duty in Afghanistan.  Beggars can’t be choosers, but that stuff put me off it all for several years.  Well at least until now that is.

The non-alcoholic beer definitely doesn’t give you that light headed happiness feeling you would ordinarily experience with the alcoholic version.  But throughout the night I realized that I felt comfortable drinking with my new friends without the pressure of feeling like I had to drink.  In fact near the end of the evening, one of my friends pointed to my glass and said to the waiter “I’ll have what she’s having”, I quickly pointed out it was non-alcoholic.  Obviously he immediately changed his mind, and looked disappointed at me.  He was disappointed because all along he thought I was keeping up with the lads without getting pissed and I was drinking them under the table!  But it was quickly laughed off and nothing more was said.

I think I will try these non-alcoholic options more.  In fact, a fellow blogger (the longest journey) came up with a cracking idea….to put some juice/fizz in a wine glass to give the impression of drinking wine.  Psychologically, that surely has to have the same effect as a non-alcoholic beer.  Well I’m going to try it and let you know 😉

At the top of Kofel in Oberammergau.

Bye Bye Bavaria!  Thank you for the beer discovery!

*Harvard University Website. Alcohol hinders having a baby through IVF, couples warned.

Accessed from: http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2009/10/alcohol-hinders-having-a-baby-through-ivf-couples-warned/

The dreaded 2WW and being away from home

Beautiful Bavaria

Beautiful Bavaria

I’m almost halfway through my 2 Week Wait (2WW).  I am currently in another country across the other side of the pond for a work trip.  Despite the beautiful location in deep Bavaria and being kept busy with work all week, I am finding this a very different type of 2WW to any of the others.  Being away from home and the 6 hour time difference has made it hard – on both of us I think – just to talk about things and how each of us is doing.  A break from talking about Trying to Conceive, IUI and other baby making related stuff has been refreshing I will admit.  BUT as I continue to have random pains, and thoughts of what is to be this time next week, I really miss Chris.  Yes, of course, I miss him whenever I go away for work trips, but this time is harder.  This time it is make or break.

With this being our third IUI, this time next week we will either be preparing to be proud parents (and not knowing if it is twins yet!!!) or preparing for a long journey on some other new path that we haven’t talked much about yet.  Woah – scary stuff whatever happens.

As I am currently teaching 36 international students (mostly male, of varying age and backgrounds!) it is very difficult to hide any of the side effects I am having whilst I am ‘up on stage’ in front of everyone. Mostly trying to hide behind the lectern from the sharp pains I am experiencing!!  Ordinarily after my day at work I would talk to Chris about these kinds of things.  So I am talking to you all instead, sorry about that 😉

These pains suck, and I think that they may potentially be getting worse that I am going to have to ask the doctor about it next time.  I really hope I don’t get what happened in my last cycle where I was doubled over in the supermarket, people watching and wondering if I was OK, debating whether I should go to an emergency doctor or not!  I know that if anyone here sees me do that they would make a big fuss instantly, then I would have to explain it.  Fingers crossed that cycle was just a one off.

Count down to make or break T-8 days……scary.

Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Trying to Conceive

I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).  It is a relatively common disorder of the gut.  The weird thing about IBS is that no one really quite knows what causes it exactly.  Symptoms are variable depending on the nature of the IBS.  For me, I suffer from abdominal pain and diarrheoa.  I’ve had it since I was a late teen.  But I don’t really remember when it truly started, but it got worse at university.  There is no cure for IBS, only treatment of the symptoms.  Approximately 1 in 5 people will suffer from IBS in their lives, some may never realise they have it.  Symptoms vary on scale and nature and is slightly more common in women than men.

I am writing about IBS because last night as I boarded the plane for my transatlantic flight and experienced an awkward situation.  As I sat down the family next to me asked if I could switch seats with their son (about 13yrs old) so they could all sit next to each other.  Sure I said, no problem, I don’t mind moving a row back!  But then they pointed to the dreaded in centre seat.  I had specifically booked an aisle seat because I go to the toilet a lot.  And as this was a red eye flight I would not do well sitting here, I would have asked the person next to me to move at least 10 times so I could go to the toilet.  I looked at the boy, realised he was 13 and thought he would be perfectly fine there, plus one of his parents could always sit on their own if they were worried about him.  So I politely declined to switch seats and told them of my predicament to be near the toilet.  But then the mother told me she couldn’t swap because she had a fear of flying.  Yes I felt guilty, but I was very willing to swap with anyone in an aisle seat.  Eventually a nice lady the other side of the plane volunteered to sit in the boys seat so I could sit in her aisle seat.  But it just reminded me of the hidden side of IBS, even though I told the family my reasoning, they seemed pretty pissed at me.  They didn’t understand.  I know of people with IBS who have disabled toilet keys because when it is bad, it is very bad!!  I don’t have this extreme requirement, but IBS is a hidden disability.

I self manage my symptoms.  I know that stress makes it worse, and eating certain foods such as potatoes and pineapple can give me killer cramps and half a night on the toilet.  I have simply learned to avoid certain foods or when I have a craving, give in and just expect it and manage it when it happens,  I prefer it that way rather than take drugs.  I tried a lot of things at university to relieve the symptoms, but ultimately cutting out the stress seemed to work the best.

In order to diagnose IBS the doctor will put you through a series of tests to rule out something more serious, like Chron’s disease, cancer of the ovaries or coeliac disease.  These are tested usually with blood and stool tests.  For me, the doctor said that there was a possibility of having endometriosis, which can only be detected through a laporoscopy.  But before doing this invasive procedure she wanted me to try an exclusion diet to see if there were certain foods that increased the symptoms.  After several weeks of hunger, cravings and a very large shopping bill, we figured that IBS was likely.  So I never had a laporoscopy to rule out endometriosis.  My current Reproductive Endocrinologist has suggested there is a chance I do have endo, but a laporoscopy can do more harm than good to my fertility if it is just a little bit of endo.  I find it strange that I have no definite diagnosis whether I have one, the other or both conditions.

As I get further into my two week wait and I get pains even a couple of days after IUI, I wonder are they IBS pains?  Or are they related to the IUI and the progesterone? What has IBS got to do with infertility?  Well I didn’t think there was much of a linkage, but as always google shows you something interesting.  There were two interesting conclusions that came out of my, albeit brief, search, in general the research is pretty thin on the ground.

There is no evidence to suggest IBS causes infertility.  A couple of sites discuss this and conclude that there is no evidence of a linkage.

IBS increases risk of miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy.  A research study* looked at 100 000 women who became pregnant during the period 1990 to 2008.  Of these 100 000 women 6% suffered a miscarriage, which is considered to be the ‘normal’ statistic.  Of these 100 000 women, 26 000 women were diagnosed with IBS.  Of these women diagnosed with IBS, 7.5% lost their babies.  That is a significant difference, increasing the risk of miscarriage for women with IBS by 30%.  It should be noted that IBS is linked with other disorders which are also potentially linked to miscarriage, for example chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, therefore it is not wholly conclusive evidence.  The authors wanted to stress that the chance of miscarriage was still small, and that they wanted to highlight the need for more research into IBS and fertility.  I have not been able to find anything more up to date than this report from 2012.  Maybe they are still researching it…maybe no one carried it forward. But I think it definitely deserves some more attention.

*Increased Risk of Miscarriage and Ectopic Pregnancy Among Women With Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Khashan, Ali S. et al. Clinical Gastroenterology and Hepatology , Volume 10 , Issue 8 , 902 – 909

Injecting in the car park…not your average day!

I never finished my story of ‘Don’t panic Mr Mainwaring‘.  Not long after I wrote my blog post, Chris called me back. He could not make it home to give me my injection because he had a meeting in less than an hour.  Rather begrudgingly I agreed to meet him at his work for him to administer the Ovidrel I needed.   Just as I was leaving,Chris called me again.  He had read my blog post and felt guilty, so was going to come home.  But I missed his call as I got in the car, so at his work it was to be!  Unfortunately, his work place does not have any ‘private’ meeting rooms we could use, they are all glass walled, so we decided to just do it in the car park (AKA parking lot for my American friends).

Yup, this is where it was going to go down!  I got out of the car and handed him the equipment.  He could tell I was in a grump; I said I didn’t want to talk about it, rather to just get it over and done with.  I held up my shirt so he could wipe my belly down with an antiseptic wipe, he got the air bubbles out of the pre-filled needle, took the cap off, and whilst I squeezed my belly, he injected the needle into me subcutaneously.  He didn’t even count this time, I just held my breathe, closed my eyes and didn’t move until he told me it was over.  He threw away the needle in the mini bio-hazard bin that the pharmacy had provided me with.  And that was it….within seconds I felt dizzy, as usual.  I sat back down in my car, I didn’t think driving to work would be a good idea for a little while.  Chris went back to work, and so I sat there in my car eating the sour jelly beans I had brought along as a treat to myself.  These were the only things holding back the tears.  I think it is actually impossible to cry whilst stuffing your face with jelly beans.

I was upset at myself for being so pathetic!  Why couldn’t I have just done the injection myself?  I was psychologically torturing myself. I hope that is the last time I ever have to do it, otherwise next time I am going to have to get the nurse to coach me through it.  All you ladies that have managed to inject yourself – kudos to you. Kudos.

IUI round 3-AKA third time lucky

Today we went for IUI round 3. It’s Cycle Day 12 and I’m feeling the ovulation pains. My body basal temperature jumped almost a whole degree and my Ovulation Predictor dip stick was dark, verging on positive.  

 

  I’m pretty confident today is the day my eggs will release.

Chris’s sperm stats were excellent again. 61.2 million motile sperm. Good job Mr F!

We had another new doctor do the Insemination procedure today I’ve seen a total of 5 different doctors so far, if we were playing doctor bingo I’d be doing quite well to date!

Our new doctors had a med student in tow. We are at a clinic based at a medical college so this is to be expected and is the second time I’ve had one observing. Chris grilled the med student about what his dreams and aspirations were as an OBGYN and pointed out how lucky he was to be part of this moment of creating a baby. I kept telling Chris to stop making me laugh because I thought the speculum might pop out and ruin the procedure! It was funny though, the poor student didn’t know what he was letting himself in for sitting in on our appointment!

So another positive looking IUI procedure done, fingers crossed this one does what it’s meant to do.

Don’t panic Mr Mainwaring!

You know how I said third time round means I must be expert on IUI and I felt at ease with this round of treatment?  Well today is Cycle Day 11, everything had been going to plan so far…..But this morning I had my CD11 Ultrasound to check how my follicles are doing.  (By the way, you know you are in serious business when they send my actual doctor to do the ultrasound – they were obviously sending in the big guns for round 3!  It was good to see her.)  Back to my follicles, they are looking good.  I have two maturing, one in the left ovary and other in the right.  Both are 22mm – perfectly sized!  My doctor commented on how good my uterine lining was – 7mm.  She pondered on why the eggs hadn’t wanted to make a home in this nice uterus already!  She knows all the right things to say 🙂 I told her that I thought I was about to ovulate in the next 24hrs because this morning I had a 0.53 degree drop in my body basal temperature and my Ovulation Predictor Kit came up with an almost positive line.  She thinks I will probably surge on my own, but I should take the Ovidrel shot, just in case.  But this would mean I would have to take the shot now for an IUI procedure tomorrow pm (Weds).  OK….sounded good! Just one problem – I’ve got to go home, get the shot out of the fridge to bring back to room temperature – and I’m going to have to do this thing alone! Oh and I’m supposed to be back at work too. Cue panic attack.

I furiously attempt to call Chris to see if he can come home to give the shot, because I really don’t want to have to give myself a shot for the first time under pressure.  Chris must be busy. So here I am, sat here with my Ovidrel shot warming up next to me, whilst I wait for Chris to call me back. I’m freaking now because it’s either do it myself or nothing. And nothing is not a valid option.  You’d have thought stabbing myself with a needle is a very small price to pay to have this chance of having a baby and my logic would take over my fear.  But no logic does not dictate in this case.  Come on Chris!  Call me back!!!!!

For those of you who have not heard of the ‘saying/quote’ “Don’t Panic Mr Mainwaring”, here is a little video excerpt….