Paranoia

It’s not always an easy subject to talk about – abortion. It’s not an easy subject to talk about in any country, but for some reason it is something I feel is even harder to talk about in the US. Why? Because it is so politically charged here. It comes up in political debates a lot, and as much as I can debate my socks off about the subject, I don’t really like confrontation. Particularly in front of strangers. Actually, I just don’t like to upset people. So my blog post yesterday about “abortion and the grey space” made me a little bit nervous….talking about abortion publicly, I was afraid I might upset someone –unintentionally of course. Not because of where my points of view on abortion lay, but just because I started a conversation about abortion.

I talked it through with Chris what I was planning on posting. He thought everything I was talking about was interesting. We ended up having our own debate against the world. (I love that we can do this together).

So in the end, I decided to press the ‘publish’ button because I promised this month I would write about things on my mind and open myself up a little…go a bit deeper.

I am now completely paranoid that I have upset someone. Not on purpose of course. But I am also paranoid about attracting haters! Have you ever used the key word ‘abortion’ to search for blog posts about the subject? Probably not, but I can tell you that there are some haters out there. I once got so emotionally upset about one post I ended up correcting someone on their blog. I immediately regretted it.

If I ever see an article about abortion on facebook I like to read all the comments because it educates me on both sides of the argument. But really, I get sickly engrossed in how intense other human beings get towards other human beings who have never met. It has heightened my awareness (or made me paranoid) of just how nasty people can get online. I have never experienced trolls on my blog or facebook page, but I know that if I did I would probably consider giving up blogging quite quickly. As I said, I’m not one for confrontation. I only meant to highlight some issues I’ve experienced as a direct result of experiencing loss and not upset anyone.

Abortion and the grey space

We hear this word used in everyday life – abortion. We can all formulate an idea of what abortion is….someone choosing to end the life of their baby. But this isn’t a wholly accurate or fair description and is certainly not what medical professionals use the word ‘abortion’ for.

According to Wikipedia, the term ‘abortion’ can be defined as:

“The ending of a pregnancy by removing a fetus or embryo from the womb before it can survive on its own.”

The unintentional expulsion of an embryo or fetus before the 24th week of gestation is called a ‘spontaneous abortion’. This is the clinical term that is used by medical practitioners in their notes to describe what most lay people would understand to be ‘miscarriage’.

The intentional expulsion of an embryo or fetus is called an induced abortion. Reasons for intentionally inducing abortion are either therapeutic or elective:

  • Therapeutic abortion is performed to save the life of the pregnant woman; prevent harm to the woman’s physical or mental health; where indications are that the child will have a significantly increased chance of premature morbidity or mortality or otherwise disabled.
  • Elective abortion is voluntary when it is performed at the request of the woman for non-medical reasons.

And then there are the methods of abortion, including medical abortion and surgical abortion:  Medical abortion (sometimes also called chemical abortion) is induced by drugs or pharmaceuticals.  Where as surgical abortion includes procedures such as vacuum aspiration, Dilation and Curettage (D&C), Dilation & Evacuation (D&E) and hysterotomy.

The use of methotrexate to terminate my pregnancy of unknown location or ‘ectopic’ pregnancy is described as a medical abortion and can also be described as therapeutic abortion. Clinically, I did not miscarry.  Although I am sure I had started the process of miscarrying before I took the methotrexate, and would consider it to be a spontaneous abortion – or – miscarriage – or – early pregnancy loss. However you want to ice it, in my medical notes it will be described using the word abortion.

For those who are not aware that this is actually a clinical term it can come as quite a shock to see those words on their medical records.  For example, here is a link to a news article: “Mom to be shocked when miscarriage called ‘abortion’ in medical records” that shows how easy it is mis-perceive the term abortion.

But definitions of abortion vary across and within countries as well as among different institutions. Language used to refer to abortion often also reflects societal and political opinions and not only scientific knowledge. Popular use of the word abortion implies a deliberate pregnancy termination, whereas a miscarriage is used to refer to spontaneous fetal loss when the fetus is not viable (i.e. not yet unable to survive independently outside the womb).

Paul Freeling and Linda Gask* explain the problem well:

“As children many of us learnt the old rhyme “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me”. As we grew older we discovered that the adage was untrue. For most of us whose profession involved interacting with other people it became obvious that clumsy or inapposite use of language could cause pain. An attempt to avoid such pain has provoked…to suggest that distress in women who have miscarried would be reduced if changes were made in the language used by professional carers…the word “abortion” should be avoided because the lay public interprets it as applying to a termination of pregnancy.”

And then there is the grey space in between all of this. This is where in the US definitions and clinical descriptions are all important for insurance companies.

I recently read about a lady who fell right in between this grey space….

At a 13 week scan several doctors told her that her baby had a heartbeat, but the organs were not inside its body, the hands and feet are curled, one limb was missing, the neck was not right. Overall, the baby was unlikely to survive and should be removed as soon as possible before it could cause serious health issues. By definition, in Ohio, this situation was considered by the insurance company as an optional abortion because there was still a heartbeat, therefore, they would not cover the cost of the $10000 operation at the hospital. Planned Parenthood would be able to perform the surgery at a cost of $800.

Eventually, after the doctors re-worded the case, the insurance company agreed to cover the costs. But it came at a cost. You should read the whole article to fully appreciate what this poor woman went through: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tamara-mann/heartbeat-involuntary-miscarriage-and-voluntary-abortion-in-ohio_b_2050888.html

This blog post is not about pro-life or pro-choice. It is merely a brief peek into the complexities of the use and definition of the term ‘abortion’.

For me personally, the insurance company did not initially cover the cost of my methotrexate treatment because it was being used as an abortion drug. Eventually we managed to claim the cost back directly via our European insurance provider.

I don’t have a solution to propose, I just know that abortion – whether it is spontaneous, elective, optional, surgical, medical – is a confusing grey mess of an area in the US.

* Freeling, P. & Gask, L., Changing terminology is no substitute for good consultations skills BMJ 1998; 317 doi: http://dx.doi.org/10.1136/bmj.317.7165.1028 (Published 17 October 1998)

NaBloPoMo November 2015

How writing a journal can help heal, grow and thrive

This month I am challenging myself to write a blog post every day as part of National Blog Posting Month.  And without a doubt, it will be a challenge for me!  I am not a natural ‘writer’.  I am a scientist!  I like facts, I like being to the point.  I rarely read fiction, I have little interest in poetry or story-telling.  But I recognise the benefits of writing a blog and so this is why I am pushing myself to try it for a month.

My blog is like my personal journal that I choose to share with others.  The benefits of writing a journal are well founded in the treatment of depression, stress and anxiety disorders.  In addition, journaling can help with day-today problem solving and clarify the mind. Dealing with infertility means dealing with all of these issues as well; so as well as taking medications to overcome the physical, blogging is my way to overcome the mental.

It has been scientifically proven that people who write about their deepest thoughts and feelings about events that upset them have stronger immunity and visit their doctor half as often as those who write only about trivial events.   So I shall also be challenging myself not just to write something every day, but write something deeper.

I’m not sure what the coming month holds for my blog posts but I am excited to try it!

You can’t know where you are going if you don’t know where you are

Happy NaBloMoPo-ing everyone!

exhausted

Find more bloggers like me participating in NaBloPoMo here: http://www.blogher.com/are-you-posting-every-day-november-nablopomo-add-your-blog-blogroll-now

NaBloPoMo November 2015

Who is Dib Dab?

On my last day in the office before our road trip a friend and colleague gave me a small gift and note.  The gift was a small stuffed toy cat with two different coloured eyes.  I am not an expert in kids toys and I have seen these cats around and but I still have no clue behind their story!  But anyway, this gesture was incredibly sweet and I welled up with tears at that very moment.

This isn’t the first gift we have received since receiving the sad news of our non-viable pregnancy….

One friend sent me a guardian angel – Angela, to put in my purse…she has been with me ever since and holds a special place with me.

We received an anonymous ‘donation’ of twelve big Cadbury’s chocolate bars (finally discovered it was from my parents!).  We have scoffed a total of three bars between us so far.  I have hidden all but one of them from Chris when I left for Germany to make sure there was some when I got back!

We also received a wonderful box of chocolate biscuits (cookies) from two friends shipped fresh all the way from the UK that spelled out ‘We love you’…they were incredibly crumbly and delicious, they didn’t last long!

A friend and colleague of Chris’s scoured the internet to surprise me with 6 Cadbury’s (UK) Crunchie bars after I had posted on facebook my cravings for one and my inability to find them in our local vicinity!

A lovely blogging friend sent me some haribo (my favourite sweets in the world!), digestive biscuits and a figurine of hope.  Hope is something I need reminding of a lot and was just what I needed particularly at that very moment in time.

We also received countless cards, letters, messages and hugs from friends and family across the world.

We were not alone in our sadness, friends and family went out of their way to show us they were with us.  It has been incredible.

So what has this all got to do with a stuffed toy cat?  Well I took that stuffed toy cat with us on our road trip, and we named him Dib Dab.  Dib Dab came with us everywhere we went…up a mountain, through the desert, amongst the hoo doos, in the camper van, in the museums & restaurants – everywhere.

Dib Dab was just a small representation of our friends and family at this time of healing.

Thank you for your kindness, love and thank you for just being there.

Dib Dab ended up having quite a bit of fun 🙂

...at Mesa Verde

…at Mesa Verde

...at the puebloan ruins

…at the puebloan ruins

...at antelope canyon

…at antelope canyon

...at Bryce canyon

…at Bryce canyon

...at Zion National Park

…at Zion National Park

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…In Santa Fe

...at the petroglyph national park

…at the petroglyph national park

...on a petrified log

…on a petrified log

...in the Petrified Forest

…in the Petrified Forest

...in my back pack

…in my back pack

...on the Grand Canyon Train

…on the Grand Canyon Train

Home Sweet Home!

The cats are alive and well.  The house survived the storms and is generally still in one piece (apart from a few gross piles of hairball vomit and one chewed up oven mitt).  The suitcases are unpacked.  We are surrounded by piles of stinky washing.  But there is nothing better than the feeling of climbing into your own bed after two weeks of being on the dusty road, cramped up, sleeping in a camper van!! (Albeit a wickedly amazing campervan)

This was our 'cosy' home for the last two weeks - AKA Trippy.

This was our ‘cosy’ home for the last two weeks – AKA Trippy.

Home sweet home feels great right now!!

Our 2200 mile road trip is sadly over and I have much catching up to do.  Apparently a lot happens in 2 weeks when one has stepped away from the internet and phones!

I am absolutely stoked to be back blogging again after my long 2 week break.  I have had a lot of thoughts running around my head because, well, I have had a lot of time to think!  Most days we were hiking somewhere, occasionally in the ‘wilderness’, so there was plenty of opportunity to go off into my thoughts in the deep, dark, corners of my brain…and of course there was also ample opportunity for Chris and I to talk about some of the deeper and meaningful things in life.

There was the odd occasion when it was just the two of us for miles alone.

There was the odd occasion when it was just the two of us for miles alone.

So with all that time ‘alone’, I have some future blog posts in mind I will be writing over the next few weeks…

1. A discovery – How far Chris and I are both willing to go with fertility treatment

2.  The future size of our family

3. Pregnancy and Infant loss awareness month & the wave of light (I missed the wave on the 15th October as we were camped out somewhere in the desert, but Chris and I had a long discussion about it) 😦

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4. Recognising the signs and symptoms of depression

5. What are we gambling? (inspired by our stay in Las Vegas!)

vegas

Our grand total winnings from the Ultimate Poker Table – 2 x Half Dollar Coins

6.  An introduction to Dib Dab – our traveling cat

Dib Dab at Bryce Canyon

Dib Dab at Bryce Canyon

Dib Dab at Mesa Verde

Dib Dab at Mesa Verde

Our holiday was just what the doctor ordered (Well not what my doctor ordered, who actually wanted me back at home for weekly beta blood tests!! Ha!).

Tomorrow I am back in the thick of work, as well as hopefully my last beta blood test (fingers crossed it is 0 now) 🙂  Also there is some catching up to do on reading some other wonderful blogs!  I’m hoping to read some good news !!!

My Mountains Monday Memoirs: Highest Peak in Northern Ireland

The highest peak in Northern Ireland is called Slieve Donard.  I’m not sure it can truly be called a mountain at only 850m high; but it certainly is a commanding peak.  However, this beautiful ‘mountain’ has one of my favourite stories from My Mountains Memoirs…..

Not long after we wed, Chris and I went to visit our friends L & A in Belfast, Northern Ireland.  Knowing how much we love the mountains, L & A took us to the highest peak in Northern Ireland – Slieve Donard.  Honestly, I had never heard of it before that day.  But apparently it was a lovely walk and so off we hiked.  Chris, L, A and their adorable dog – Elvis (I love this dog :-)).

Actually, Chris and I have rarely hiked a mountain with other friends, we usually find ourselves venturing off alone together, so it was a really nice change to hike with them.

The walk up was long, gradual and pretty beside the Glen River – through woodlands of pine, oak and birch.

the way up through the trees

the way up through the trees

As we were climbing, Chris noticed that L was having a hard time with her back and her back-pack: so being a gentleman, he offered to relieve her of her heavy burden.  But L was not going to give up easily, and in fact was overly defensive.  Putting it down to her niceties, Chris thought nothing more of it.

L was determined not to let Chris carry her bag up the mountain!!

L was determined not to let Chris carry her bag up the mountain!!

Once we were out into the moorland, the path became rockier and steeper – and noticeably greyer.  There was no end in sight!  Chris suggested we should turn around.  Particularly with L’s back playing up.  But L & A convinced us to keep going – perhaps the mist would clear!  Perhaps it we would rise above the clouds once we got to the top!!  And so we carried on.  Despite the poor visibility and the ever chilling and biting wind, it still felt good to be going somewhere in the fresh air.

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Starting to get grey and misty – where is the summit??!!

We finally hit what is known as the Mourne Wall which sits within a saddle that leads to the final summit of Slieve Donard.  We could not see the summit.  But there were peeks of wonderful views back down the mountain and across the Irish Sea.  It is not often we get to climb a mountain with sea views!  And so we settled to not climb the peak and took a breather.

Almost near the summit, but it was clouded over :-( so this was the highest we went

Almost near the summit, but it was clouded over 😦 so this was the highest we went

L & A had got us this far, there was no reason to keep going to the clouded summit just to ‘bag it’ – we had got the view we had come for.

But then came the real surprise! L pulled out of her back pack a bottle of Moet & Chandon Champagne!  She had carried it all the way to the top, knowing this was one of our favourite places to be (at the top of a mountain!) as our wedding present.

Like you do - popping open the champers!

Like you do – popping open the champers!

Did I tell you my husband is classy?

Did I tell you my husband is classy?

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A wonderful gift to celebrate together

I cannot tell you how heart warmed I felt right then.  Yes it was freezing cold and the view was less than perfect, and we hadn’t quite reached the true peak!  But we were there with our friends and having a real good laugh – all those things we typically “seek” out of a mountain just simply didn’t matter.  Friendship and love is all that mattered.  Sounds cheesy, but this is what I remember the most.

Mountain Lesson #4: Your dearest friends will keep you going in spite of the fog of it all; they will cheer you on and help you see beyond the wall you face in front of you.

Mountain Lesson #5:  Every so often you need to let your friends come with you on your journey up that mountain…living life with a wall around just the two of you is not always fun.  Sometimes, there is unknown, unseen fun on the other side of that wall!!!

L has been a poorly bunny recently, so I just want to say to her –  We are thinking of you my lovely and hope you feel much better soon.  Big hugs and kisses XXXX

Read my previous Mountain Monday Memoirs blog posts…here….

Grow some thicker skin

“So grow some thicker skin, speak up kindly or just ignore them.  I know it is cool to say the old sticks and stones chant is passe.  You have to let the hurt sink in or you don’t”

This was just one comment in response to a facebook post that went viral.  Did you see it?  Emily Bingham posted an ultrasound photo to catch everyone’s attention…and it worked:
ultrasound facebook

It has been a topic of discussion on my facebook feed, and I ended up reading many other articles and blog posts that have been discussing it. It seems that all though many support it, there are almost an equal number of people who are ranting against it.  I thought about writing my own post last night, but I was soooo enraged to read that one comment ‘grow some thicker skin’ that as I read it in bed very early this morning (suffering a bit of jet lag still) I had to get up and rant back.

So here I am ‘Bubba’.  Writing about your one anonymous comment out of hundreds I have read in response to Emily Bingham’s facebook post.  My skin is already thick from years of line of questioning about our childless status, in particular over the past year or so, I have been developing layers of hard, scaly, skin.  I can now openly say to people I hardly know that my husband and I have been trying for a baby, and we have been terribly unlucky that mother nature has not yet given us our wish.  Last week I even told a new work collegue that I had miscarried and it was STILL going on right now.  Yes, my skin got thick.  I just don’t care any more when people ask me if we are ever going to have kids.  It’s not pretty anymore.  My scaly, dry, scabby skin protects me from your line of questioning.

But I don’t want to be scaly, dry and scabby.  I want soft, beautiful, glowy PREGNANCY skin.  Oh and a baby  – OK?  So if you could just give us all a break may be I can focus on some more important issues…

Just one last thing, this is for the another commenter ‘S’. Emily’s facebook post is NOT a

“dangerous feminist attitude”

This affects men too.  I can certainly say that my husband Chris gets these questions just as often as I do, and it equally hurts the men as the women.  This is not an “anti-motherhood crusade”, as you say.

OK time to go to work now I have this off my chest!!!!!

(here is the link to the article with all the comments I quoted: https://gma.yahoo.com/woman-defiant-rant-fertility-shaming-strikes-nerve-134452981–abc-news-parenting.html)

be nice

The art of clothes shopping when coping with infertility

I hate shopping.  I love having new things!  But I hate the actual act of shopping.  This stems from two problems I face, and more recently, as a direct result from dealing with infertility, a third problem has appeared.

  1.  I hate crowds – I hate sharing a shop with another person as the bimble in front of me or push past me.  I have my personal space….keep out of it!!!! I get quite antsy when I am unable to walk away freely and it ruins the whole shopping experience for me
  2. I have terrible fashion sense and an awkward sized body – small boobs, small waist, tall, big hips and fat ass!  I’m not quite pear shaped, but the majority of clothes do not fit my lower half of body unless they are stretchy or super baggy.  Therefore buying some of the simplest things can take me more than one shopping trip.
  3. More recently, I have noticed how much I hate walking past baby clothes stores, pregnant women and women pushing buggies without looking where they are going.  they are everywhere.  Really I had never noticed just how many baby clothes stores there were, until now.

So why don’t I just internet shop?  I remind you of problem 2.  I have never bought clothes form the internet – that is until now.  I discovered a service call Stitch Fix*.  Several months ago, I noticed my friend wearing a beautiful skirt, after complimenting her on it she told me it was from stitch fix.  So I looked into it some more…basically this is a service where clothes and accessories are selected by a stylist just for you and delivered direct to you.  No shops!! No wasting time sifting through lots of pictures on the internet!!!  No worries.

So how do they know what to send you?  Well you answer a questionnaire that includes your likes and dislikes….you are shown some photos of styles and you rate them, you provide them with all your different sizes (boobs, waist, hips, height etc), you also give them your price points, i.e. how much you would spend on a jacket, jeans, top, trousers, earrings etc.  They use data science modeling techniques to figure out what type of clothes would work best for you.  You also have a chance to write what you are looking for in your shipment of 5 items – may be a special occasion, or a holiday is coming up….or just in general the type of thing you want  A stylist reads any of your requests and selects 5 items based on all this.  And it is a surprise what you get!  Your box arrives beautifully wrapped.

I love receiving surprises in a box!

I love receiving surprises in a box!

You also receive a personal note from your stylist describing why they chose the items they have sent you, then they include little cards to show you how to accessorize each item they have sent you.  It is very neat.

Each card shows you how to style your item, and the stylist writes you a personal message :-)

Each card shows you how to style your item, and the stylist writes you a personal message 🙂

My very first box I kept all 5 items –  a handbag, a maxi dress (I have had so many random strangers compliment me on this one), a pair of jeans (that actually fit me!! How risky was that putting in a pair of jeans in the first box?!), and two blouses that worked for both casual and work.  I was very impressed.  I probably wouldn’t have picked half of these off of the shelf in the shop, but when I tried them on I really loved them!  Chris also helped me decide what to keep/not keep -so he can give his input without having to suffer being dragged around the shops!

(Another thing I generally dislike is shopping with other people, including Chris, because I feel pressured not to spend too long browsing or not try things on – I feel guilty – except with my mum and my friend E, I don’t feel so guilty with them :-p)

You have several days to try the clothes on and if you don’t like them you send them back in the prepaid packaging.  If you buy all 5 items you get a 25% discount.  You can choose how often you receive a package and can schedule one any time you fancy it – may be if you are feeling down!

Today my second package arrived (I chose to have a parcel once every 3 months)….I am very pleased with the stylists choices – again!  Unfortunately, one of the tops was damaged so I will have to send that back.  But I like what they chose for me and will be keeping them!

I will not lie, I am a bargain hunter…and this service is not the cheapest.  Basically I calculated they add onto the price of the items a premium I probably wouldn’t pay for in a store if I picked it up from the rack.   But when we added up the cost of fuel and the saving of hassle, I figured it was worth that ‘premium’.  Another of my friends who tried Stitch Fix after I told her about the success of my first package.  She kept one item – some jewellery.  But the rest she sent back as it either didn’t fit her or was just not to her taste.  She says she won’t be ordering any more from them. So they don’t always get it right!!!  My friend who referred me to Stitch Fix originally has never received a package where she kept all 5 items, but she is happy to just receive a few good things every so often.

So I now get to avoid the ‘crowded’* shops and all those baby stores, but still get the feeling of having new things!  Plus, I get to wear more fashionable clothes that actually fit and suit me!!!

Happy Friday everyone….so excited it is finally the weekend!!

Even Sushi loves Stitch Fix!  Perfectly sized for a cat. In fact on their website they have a section dedicated to cats & dogs in stitch fix boxes!

Even Sushi loves Stitch Fix! Perfectly sized for a cat. In fact on their website they have a section dedicated to cats & dogs in stitch fix boxes!

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*I am not being paid or receiving any reward to write this blog – this is just my personal thoughts on a service I have found useful after realising that shopping can be quite depressing for me at times.  BUT if you are interested in it, then there is a referral system, let me know – but this is not why I am writing this blog post, there are other similar services out there which do a similar job!!

**Crowded for me is more than one other person in the store!!!

A letter to all my friends

Dear friend,

I hope this letter finds you well. At a time when we are feeling our lowest, I am trying to find ways to pick ourselves up, and I realised that all we really needed to do was think of you.  I realised we haven’t sent you acknowledgement of everything you have done for us, you see you are probably unaware of how much of a difference you have made to us as we face difficult times.  What I really want to you today is THANK YOU.  So here we go….

Thank you for being our cheer leaders.  Trying to conceive isn’t easy for everyone, and for some, like us struggling with infertility, it’s a mountain.  We feel lucky that we have you by our sides through this journey.  We are going to get there, and you keep reminding us that we will make it, but sometimes we forget where we are going and consider turning back.  You are there to tell us to keep going, to cheer us on when the going gets tough. Thank you.

Thank you for being sensitive about our situation and trying to understand what it is like for us.  We know that you have been keeping up with our blog so you can understand.  Sometimes you have even helped us look at things from a different point of view.  We can get tunnel vision, reminding us what else is around us is good for us.  Thank you.

Thank you for covering for us at work, we know we haven’t exactly been the most reliable people to work with, but your flexibility is helping us out, and you know we would always repay the favour at the drop of a hat.  Thank you.

Thank you for offering us a hand when the going has got tough.  At times when we just feel like breaking down, you have been there with a hand to help us get up and at ’em.  Sometimes, just your words of offering us a hand is more than enough to get us going.  Your words and thoughts are greatly appreciated – we may not be able to reply straight away.  Sometimes your words are so overwhelmingly filled with love that we are temporarily speechless and overcome that we just don’t know how to phrase a response.  Thank you.

I hope that we can offer you as much love in return that you have shown us on our rocky path.  I can’t wait for the day that we introduce our baby to the world and in that moment we will look to you with a heart full of so much thankfulness that you were there for us when we needed you most.

Thank you,

Your Friend,

X

When life gives you lemons - get a little help from your friends

When life gives you lemons – get a little help from your friends

A letter to my Infertile Friends

Dear Infertile Friend,

I am sorry I started this letter with “Dear ‘Infertile’ Friend”.  I am sorry I labelled you ‘Infertile’, because if there is any one single wish I had in the world, it wouldn’t be ‘I wish I was pregnant with my child’, it would be ‘I wish there was no such thing as infertility’.  I do not wish infertility upon even my worst enemy.  Infertility is not a label, and it doesn’t define you, so I am so so sorry I started this letter in this way.  But….I am differentiating you from my non-infertile friends because you have given me something my non-fertile friends are unable to.  This letter is to say thank you.  Thank you for helping me get to where I am today, yes I am still empty arms, but I am stronger now than I was when I started this winding, mountainous path called infertility.

It doesn’t matter where you are in your infertility journey, you have given me something that has made me stronger.  Whether you have just discovered you are less than fertile, going through medicated treatment, IUIs, IVF, surrogacy, donor eggs/sperm/embryos, adoption, child-free living, pregnant after treatment or living with your rainbow baby – you have amazed me.

To those who have shared with me their intimate stories of struggles, pain and, most importantly – light, you have inspired me to stay strong on my path.  Whether you shared just a brief snapshot into your life or have shared every minute of every step of the way – it has all added up to how I feel today.  Stronger with you in my life.

My friend, you have layed open your heart on the table, exposed it, allowed it to be vulnerable just so you could help me understand what lay ahead of me – so I could prepare for the good, the bad and the damn right ugly.

Please do not underestimate the power of your voice and how it has touched me.  I can’t measure it – but just know that it has.

Thank you,

Your Infertile Friend X