You can’t always get what you want

April 3, 2016April 3, 20167 Comments

A cold. A simple cold is all I have right now. But this cold is just enough to tip me over and make me want to scream…”WHY ME??” Why can’t I just grab a break in this crappy infertility journey??

Warning – I’m throwing myself a pity party.

I’m not asking for much am I? Something that can come so easily for some, and yet here we are – lives on hold, physically and emotionally tired of it all. The drugs, the pain, the hurt, the time and money spent. It’s a lot to be taking on.

This time last year we were preparing for our third IUI; if you asked me then what I would be doing in a years time, I’d tell you we’d be out on an adventure with our newborn baby. I had so much hope and confidence then. I have hope now, just not the confidence. The confidence I once had in this medical treatment has gone.

We have put our all into this trying to conceive business. And so where in my life I have put in good effort, I generally get out what I want from it. But I haven’t got what I wanted within 2.5 years of effort. No one can tell us we haven’t tried our hardest…we have literally given our blood, sweat and tears to this.

But the Rolling Stones Song “You can’t always get what you want” plays around in my head when I tell myself these things.

“You can’t always get what you want….

But if you try, sometimes you just might find…

You get what you need”

And I have got what I need…my husband’s deep love, a true test of my friendships, meeting and knowing some inspiring and uplifting women in the TTC community. I’m grateful for that. But I still want what I want!!!!! A child to love, cherish and nurture together with Chris.

Our journey to get what we want is not over yet, I know this, but maybe I am going to find something I didn’t think I needed along the way? I just wish I knew – I wish I had a “look into the future” card to play. I’d play that card right now, just to have a sneak peak.

All because this cold is tipping me over the edge right now. A stupid cold. It’s not even a serious cold. How stupid is that??

IVF Diary Vol III: 31 Mar – 02 Apr 16

April 2, 20164 Comments

Medication(s) administered and dosage(s). Stimming phase: day 1 PM: Gonal-F 375 iu & Menopur 75 iu injections. AM Lupron 0.5mg (5 units) injection

My doctor has decided to increase the Gonal-F and reduce the menopur for this cycle (Gonal-F being the more expensive drug, of course!!). I hope I respond well to this change!!!

Medical procedures undertaken. Baseline monitoring vaginal ultrasound and hormone blood tests.

ultrasound

What are my symptoms? I have experienced few symptoms, except for mild tummy bloating and a lot of farting!!! I also have what seems to be a cold, although it is pine pollen season so perhaps I am experiencing the effects of the icky yellow goo that spreads itself around this time of year.

How do I feel today? I am feeling perfectly chilled out right now. I have had two nights in a row of sleeping through the night 🙂 But I’ve had a few bad dreams 😦 We are feeling a little bit emotionally lost about this IVF cycle. It has been hard to get really excited.

I am planning some fun things to get us through this cycle. I will be spending some of the two week wait away in DC so I am going to have to do these progesterone injections myself. The nurse mentioned that if I do get a positive result then my doctor might be OK with me taking turns doing suppositories and injections. But not until I get that positive!!!

Chris and I had a little walk to the beach and took our solo cups of wine because the weather was nice and warm. It was our last alcoholic drink to mark the start of our IVF cycle!

Any results? Estradiol level 20.9 pg/ml. Uterine lining perfect. Ovaries – nice and quiet with some follicles sitting nicely ready to be stimulated!!

What’s next? Monday morning is my next monitoring appointment, meanwhile we keep taking those wonderful stimming injections!

Weight. I still haven’t got on the scales yet!

Waist. NSTR.

Boobs. NSTR.

The Final Countdown!!!

*Notes. I take First Response Reproductive Health multi vitamin gummies (pre-natal), 5mg Melatonin at bed time and CoQ10 200mg gummies daily. NSTR = Nothing Significant To Report.

IVF Diary Vol III 21-30 Mar 16

March 30, 20166 Comments

Medication(s) administered and dosage(s). Lupron 0.5mg (10 units) injection AM.

Somehow I have managed to take all my medications at the correct time despite all the time zone changes (Belgium was 5 hours ahead and the UK was four hours ahead at the time). I have taken the Lupron injections in some strange places, including in the airplane toilet. I had alarms set on my phone so I could remember to do it because taking the pill and doing the injection were both at random times of the day! Quite frankly amongst everything that has been going on I am impressed with myself for managing to figure it all out!

Medical procedures undertaken. Nil.

What are my symptoms? Actually, I haven’t really experienced any symptoms in particular. I still have a mild upset tummy, it was doing much better before I left for Europe, but I think everything got screwed up after everything with the attack. I’ve had a few random bouts of tears, but I can’t tell whether they are a result of the hormones or not. Who knows! I’m kind of getting used to this happening now.

How do I feel today? I went back to work on Tuesday and it wasn’t too bad. I did have a little bit of a shaking episode after I had recanted to my Brussels story the nth time. I was just overwhelmed (in a positive way) with how many people told me they are pleased to see me in one piece!!! I was also overwhelmed with the sheer number of people who actually read my blog post. People who I have never spoken to at work before had read it and came up to me to tell me how amazing it was…even all the senior bosses had read it. Basically pretty much everyone I work with now knows about my blog. I’m pretty sure most people didn’t take much notice of the infertility part of my blog, rather were just interested in the Brussels story, but when my friends and family asked if it was OK to share it, I really had no idea how far it would be shared.

I’m not doing well at sleeping, but I guess that is to be expected…and with the hormones I am not sure how much is contributed by events vs the medications. So I am a little tired. But the good news is that I have taken some time off work! Woohoo!!! Relaxation…chilling…are all that is scheduled for me during the stimulation phase of this cycle! A complete contrast to last time. I have even discovered a new yoga place that has opened up near my house. Overall, I am excited that we have another chance at IVF, but a little niggly part of me thinks I shouldn’t get my hopes up because it will be a long way to fall down from this time around.

Any results? Nil

What’s next? I have my first baseline monitoring appointment tomorrow morning. Hopefully it will all be go go go for cycle 3! Fingers crossed this Lupron has done its job nicely.

Weight. I still haven’t got on the scales yet!

Waist. NSTR.

Boobs. NSTR.

The Final Countdown!!!

*Notes. I take First Response Reproductive Health multi vitamin gummies (pre-natal), 5mg Melatonin at bed time and CoQ10 200mg gummies daily. NSTR = Nothing Significant To Report.

What’s infertility got to do with a terrorist attack?

March 27, 2016March 27, 20167 Comments

I have been surprised at how many people have commented on my apparent levelheadedness during the terrorist attack in Brussels airport. Although the absolute fear and terror was running through my mind, my actions seemed logical. I’m surprised, because I just did what I did – and even I am somewhat surprised at my own response. However, I think that it is all mostly about an element of luck. Some people have told me, they believe in some kind of divine intervention (I personally do not believe that, whether god exists or not). The luck was the third suitcase bomb didn’t explode. The luck was that I wasn’t closer. The luck was that the terrorists were ill prepared to carry out a more sophisticated attack. (Apparently, they had been planning more, but for some reason failed to implement it). The luck was that I was in the right place and it simply wasn’t my time to die.

A friend of mine made a really interesting comment about the difference between a man and woman’s propensity to take risk. A woman’s appetite to take risk varies with her menstrual period, where as a man’s appetite for risk remains relatively stable. When a woman is in her ovulatory stage, she is less likely to take risks. Therefore, hormones surely have a role to play in risk taking. So what does that mean for a woman who is going through infertility treatment and jacked up with lots of hormones? Does this mean that a woman’s propensity for risk is heightened or lowered depending on the stage of their treatment, how different would it be compared to if they were in their normal menstrual cycle?

During the attack, I was on Day 12 of the down regulation part of my IVF cycle, preparing for my upcoming stimulation phase. I had already been experiencing some of the side effects from these drugs (I wrote about them in my previous diary entry here). The question I have is – had I not been on these drugs would I have reacted differently to the situation? We will never know the answer, because we will never know what could have been. But it is an interesting question never-the-less!

I can tell you that the feelings and emotions I have been experiencing after getting caught up in the attack are not dissimilar to how I felt after being told our pregnancy was not viable. I’ve experienced random crying over what could have been. Sadness, frustration, anger and numbness – all feelings that have washed over me in the immediate days past these traumatic events. I never thought I could ever liken an impending pregnancy loss to surviving a terrorist attack. But I am, and that is simply how I have been feeling over the past couple of days. I’ve also experienced the overwhelming feeling of love and kindness from friends and family after these events. And I mean overwhelming to the point where I have been dumbstruck.

I anticipate that I might attend some kind of therapy after experiencing what I did this week. The question I have is, why haven’t I been so accepting of undertaking therapy for infertility after our loss and constant failure? If these feelings I am experiencing are so similar, perhaps I should have gone to therapy over our infertility sooner? I don’t know, but perhaps I just didn’t realise the intense emotions and trauma infertility slowly piles up upon us. Or maybe, the reason is because I feel like I have absolutely no control over a terrorist attack, and maybe I *believe* I have some control over my infertility. I think my perspective might have changed over the past week; I know some of you wonderful ladies have tried therapy for infertility and swear by it. Going to therapy doesn’t mean I am weak, it means that I am strong, strong enough to recognise that help is there for the taking.

For those inclined…a couple of journal articles on risk taking and a woman’s hormonal cycle:

Variations in risk taking behaviour over the menstrual cycle: http://people.uncw.edu/bruce/hon%20210/pdfs/risk%20taking.pdf

The influence of menstrual cycle and impulsivity and risk taking behaviour: http://www.ledonline.it/NeuropsychologicalTrends/allegati/NeuropsychologicalTrends_17_Iannello.pdf

IVF Diary Vol III 15-20 Mar 16

March 20, 201613 Comments

Medication(s) administered and dosage(s). Ovulation Control Pill (OCP) Reclipsen 0.15MG-30MCG x 1 per day, Lupron 0.5mg (10 units) injection AM.

I started the Lupron injections on Thursday morning. Although the amount of liquid is tiny and the needle is small, I still freaked out about giving myself the injection. I tried to do it, but the needle bounced off my skin, so I asked Chris to do it so I could feel how hard it needs to e to pierce the skin. But on Friday, I did the injection myself! It didn’t hurt, I was just slightly hesitant and the needle went in slower than I expected. Saturday, the needle bumped off my skin again! I’m sure I will figure it out. Also, there is barely any blood after these injections so I don’t really need gauze and I can’t tell where I just did the injection which means I am finding it difficult to figure out where to put a plaster over it! I discovered putting a plaster over the injection site means that I don’t have to remember the next day where I just did my previous injection.

Medical procedures undertaken. Nil. But – I did have a post op follow up appointment with my Doctor to go over my results from the hysteroscopy. I knew the biopsy results were good because they come through on my clinic’s app and I am sure she wouldn’t have had told me to start the Birth control pills if there was anything wrong. However, on the day of the appointment I started to get a bit nervous because I thought if everything was OK, why did she still need to see me? When I arrived the nurse asked where my husband was? At first I just joked with her “He’s working – I hope!!!”, but then it dawned on me….should he be here with me because it’s going to be bad news? I didn’t even think about bringing Chris along. The nurse did the usual vitals check and took me to the Doctor’s office to wait. As I was sitting in her office there was one pamphlet on her desk that stuck out – it was about uterine cancer. My heart started to beat faster!! My head was racing. Fortunately the doctor arrived quickly after I sat down. She cut straight to the chase and said everything looked just fine! Phew. She took a look at her computer and said that there was just one area of redness of my uterus she had seen on the camera that she thought might be inflammation, but the biopsy did not show any signs of inflammation. So all good! A very quick appointment, I was in and out in 5 minutes…it was just like being at a doctor’s office in the UK!!!!

What are my symptoms? I have two symptoms I want to talk about – my upset tummy and my hormones!

At my post op appointment I asked my doctor about my upset tummy. I told her my diarrhea has been playing up, maybe it’s just my Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) being bad or, is there any chance it could be something related to the hysteroscopy? The only thing that could cause diarrhea is the cytotec pills I took that ‘softens the cervix’ prior to the surgery. Maybe it caused a mis-balance of bacteria in my tummy, but it should go away soon. It wasn’t the most helpful advice I’ve received from a doctor…but as usual not knowing what causes my poorly tummy I am used to. So I decided to put into practice my knowledge of things to make diarreah go away. The first is to take some probiotics. After my appointment I went straight to the shops and looked for a probiotic yoghurt drink. Now in the UK, there are these little drinks that you can take daily – there are different brands like yakult and actimel, they are very common in the supermarket. But here in the US, I haven’t ever noticed before until now, they are not common! I tried looking for a US store that sells Yakult and it’s typical! The only place nearby is the Commissary! As a civilian, I am not allowed to shop at the Commissary!! (The Commissary is where the military can buy their groceries at a discount). Anyway…I did discover something similar in the organic section – Kefir. Kefir is a fermented milk drink with kefir grains in it. I wasn’t sure if this would aggravate my upset tummy or the probiotics would do its thing. There were also some juices with probiotics added, this to my mind didn’t seem the best for my tummy because real fruit juice can make things worse for me. Anyway either the Kefir has had a positive effect or my tummy is getting better on its own. The past few days I have returned to normal upset tummy (where I experience diarrhea about once a day rather than 4-6 times a day for the past two weeks!)

My hormones. I am going to do a separate post on this, but in a nutshell, the Lupron and Birth Control Pills are doing weird things to me. On Friday evening as I was getting ready to go to the ball (!!!) I was curling my hair and tried to pin it up how I like to. But for some reason it wasn’t working. My hair looked awful, I was getting frustrated at it…then I flipped out at my inability to make my hair look half decent. Like seriously got mad and threw stuff across the room. I looked in the mirror and I felt nothing, I looked back at myself and felt nothing. I didn’t feel sexy, I thought I looked hideous. Chris kept telling me my hair looked lovely down and I should leave it, but I just kept looking at myself and I felt like I was out of my body – I was in somebody else’s body. I felt…..nothing. It was weird. I didn’t like it! Could it be the Lupron doing this to me?

How do I feel today? Chris and I had an evening of sharing our feelings about this IVF cycle. It got emotional. We realised we have both been bad at not sharing our feelings, we both made assumptions about things and came to wrong conclusions. We just didn’t talk enough about what was going to happen this cycle – the changes in my protocol and the uncertainty around dates of key things happening in the cycle like when the Egg Retrieval and transfer might be. Particularly with the transfer (Day 3 v Day 5). The difference being that this cycle came around quickly (we both felt unprepared for it), and my period started much earlier than I anticipated. Because I had been so busy with work, we just hadn’t been keeping the communication lines open…but we re-opened them – that’s good, but it took us a while to figure that out!

Any results? Other than my post op results being clear!

What’s next? I stop the Birth Control Pills next week and keep the Lupron injections going. I am off on travels to Europe next week so I have the added issue of figuring out what times to take my pills and injections! I made a mistake of taking my Birth Control Pills after my dinner, so now in Europe with them being 6 hours ahead at the moment, it means I would need to be taking them at 2AM! Doh! The Lupron injections won’t be so bad – I can take them at 1PM at lunch time. I may also have to give myself an injection on the plane as I fly transatlantic!!!! Double doh!

Weight. I still haven’t got on the scales yet!

Waist. NSTR.

Boobs. NSTR.

The Final Countdown!!!

*Notes. I take First Response Reproductive Health multi vitamin gummies (pre-natal), 5mg Melatonin at bed time and CoQ10 200mg gummies daily. NSTR = Nothing Significant To Report.

IVF Diary Vol III: 10-15 Mar 16

March 15, 20164 Comments

Medication(s) administered and dosage(s). Ovulation Control Pill (OCP) Reclipsen 0.15MG-30MCG x 1 per day

Medical procedures undertaken. Nil

What are my symptoms? I have had a really bad upset tummy since the weekend. I have no clue what is causing it…it could just be a really bad case of Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Usually stress makes my tummy worse, but actually, I have just stopped being stressed! So maybe my body is coming down from stress and is having a big WAH at me. Or I got the bug that everyone else seems to be coming down with. Or. it is the melatonin…because there is definitely a correlation with tummy upset and starting the melatonin. A quick search indicates that melatonin could actually be a treatment for IBS! But mostly for those who suffer with IBS-C (Constipation) not IBS-D (Me – Diarrhea) . I will have to do a bit more digging and see how it goes over the next few days.

How do I feel today? Work stress is mostly over! I have a lot of travelling to be doing, but it’s not stressful travel! I have cancelled a work trip to Germnay in anticipation that I will be having my egg retrieval surgery that week! And now I can schedule in some of that leave I am owed from the leave I cancelled from cycle 2! Woohooo! This is good news.

My medications have yet to arrive, there was a slight mix up with the nurse ordering the wrong drugs. So they are supposed to be arriving tomorrow by FedEx….the only problem is I am currently in DC and am driving the 4 hours back first thing, so I hope the meds dont arrive in the morning because I won’t be there to sign for them! That wouldn’t be a problem if I didn’t need my Lupron on Thursday morning!! And the pharmacy called this afternoon (when my order is supposed to be on the way!) to tell me my co-pay was high. Well DUH…no higher than usual. Fortunately I caught the phone before I headed into work without my phone for the day, I may never have spoken to them until it was too late!!!! They have never checked with me before, but I think it hit the over $500 mark this time because I am getting more of the expensive gonal-f 😦 The old newbie infertile me would be stressed about it. But I am not, I am a seasoned veteran about these things now, so I am pretty chilled out about it. I can’t control it, so what ever happens, happens. (Please Please Please FedEx arrive in the afternoon!!!)

Any results? Not yet….my follow up appointment from my hysteroscopy surgery is on Thursday afternoon. But I am anticipating the all clear.

What’s next? Lupron injections start Thursday morning.

Weight. I am terrified to get on the scales:-(

Waist. Shrinking a bit after all the diarrhea 😦

Boobs. NSTR.

The Final Countdown!!! I decided to add in a calendar countdown so if people read just one entry they know what stage I am at in the whole cycle! Plus I love crossing things off.

*Notes. I take First Response Reproductive Health multi vitamin gummies (pre-natal), 5mg Melatonin at bed time and CoQ10 200mg gummies daily. NSTR = Nothing Significant To Report.

IVF Diary Vol III begins!

March 12, 201617 Comments

Here we are again. It’s like deja vu, right? Seriously, Christmas seemed like ages ago, but somehow IVF round 2 only felt like a week or two ago. It’s all come around again quickly for us. I don’t feel quite so ready for it – mentally, my mind has been at work, physically, my body has been at work (hahaha!) what I really mean is – I need to do some exercise!!!

I started my Birth Control Pills on Thursday evening and phoned the nurse who is covering for my nurse whilst she is on leave to schedule in my IVF cycle. She gave me the important dates and told me she would order my medications. I put down the phone with dates in my hand, excited…then a little later realised that she hadn’t asked me what meds I had left over from my last cycle! Aghhh! And it was very late friday afternoon so I knew there was no chance of catching her in time. Also, I haven’t received notification from the Pharmacy yet that my prescription has arrived with them and I need my Lupron by Thursday morning! I am in Washington DC for two days next week, so my only real day to receive by FedEx my giant box of medication goodies in time would be Monday. Aghhhhhh!!!!! I hate this last minute panic thing!!! I am sure it will all be fine and the script will be with the Pharmacy today. Zen Dani……Zen.

I had my last alcoholic beverage last night – a wonderful glass or two or red wine. Bye bye alcohol! Although this cycle has creeped up on me, I am feeling excited. This is it. It’s all or nothing now!!!! Wish us luck!!!!! Eeeeeeek….

IVF cycle 3 Calendar

Chris told me I was too graphic in my last post about my period, so here is a Too Much Information Warning…….!!!! Don’t read past here if you don’t like reading about periods! I’ve been popping the painkillers for my period and surviving OK, the short sharp pains have gone, thankfully, it’s just the typical period pains now. But I did have something happen to me that I’ve never had before. I passed a ball of old thick dark black blood about the size of a large grape. It wasn’t clotty, but thick and sticky, kind of like a truffle! I got a little freaked out, but then remembered that putting a camera into your uterus and taking a biopsy from the the uterine lining 9 days before your period is probably not a normal every month occurrence; so I should not be surprised my body is doing some weird things. I have a post-op appointment next week, so I will mention it just to be sure. (Things I never thought I’d write about and share to the public world – my period!)

Pain after hysteroscopy

March 10, 201613 Comments

I’m pretty much used to various pains from my irritable bowel syndrome and my painful periods…but since my hysteroscopy I’ve been having really short sharp pains that radiate from uterus for a second, then disappear. It’s been random and a couple of times a day, and so haven’t thought anything more of it. But today at work I’ve doubled over a couple of times, noticeably in front of colleagues, and then been absolutely fine. The pain just disappears. I’m getting closer to the start of my period so I guess that is why it’s getting worse. I’m not very good at knowing whether this is normal or not, so when I speak with the nurse again I’ll ask. I didn’t need any pain killers at all after the procedure last week, so maybe it’s completely unrelated to the hysteroscopy or maybe this is to be expected ☹

On a slightly related note, I’ve been figuring out when our third IVF will be with the new Lupron down regulation protocol. Depending on when my period starts this week, we could be starting stims the 1/2 April or the week after that! I’ve got the ball rolling with pre-approval from my insurance, I’ve got my birth control pills ready, I’ve stocked up on CoQ10 and new this cycle – melatonin! I’ve checked with my doctor and I can start the birth control pills before my results from the hysteroscopy appointment next week, if all things are good on that front I then start the Lupron for 2 weeks. I’ve also been clearing my work diary too and scheduling in some leave that I postponed from cycle 2. Fingers crossed, things at work will be a little easier going.

The hysteroscopy

March 1, 2016March 1, 201611 Comments

I am insanely missing my blog right now! I have been so busy with work and other things that my blogging has suffered, and I am constantly thinking about things I want to write about and get out of my head, I just haven’t been able to. There is definitely a truth in writing being a form of therapy…a therapy I’ve come to rely on and when it’s not there I start to get itchy. Anyway, I am here! Briefly albeit 😦

Today I woke up at 4AM and could not get back to sleep, I won’t lie, I was a little anxious about the hysteroscopy procedure today. We got up at 5AM so I could shower before inserting the cytotec pills into my vagina! Nice. We arrived at the clinic at 6:30AM and the nurses were great as usual. I was first on the surgery list, a few other ladies were there for their egg retrievals after me. I got changed into my beautiful one size fits all, modesty covering gown and climbed into a bed with freshly warmed sheets and a couple of extra because I get so so cold in that prep/recovery room! I signed my life away and took the obligatory pregnancy test. It would be miraculous if I was pregnant and we all joked about how we all would be happy if I had to be sent home because it turned out to be positive. No such luck.

The nurse prepared the back of my right hand for the IV needle. I have wonderful veins, but the nurse managed to bust it and it started swelling up like a balloon. I started to feel faint like I was about to pass out. I’m not a needle fan so watching this made me feel sick. So she tried again but on the inside of my forearm. She got the needle in, but it felt really, really weird. She wasn’t happy with it, so she called another nurse to come take a look and try on my other hand. I was feeling really light headed at this point, so she lay me down almost completely. The other nurse had done my IVs both times previously, so I started to feel a little better when she attempted to insert the needle in the back of my left hand. She also used lidocaine to numb the area first so I was instantly less nervous because I couldn’t feel the needle jabbing around inside me! Finally, the IV was in!

Pre-sedation! The nurses wrapped me up all nice and snuggly

Chris came back to keep me company whilst we waited for my doctor to arrive. After about 20 minutes she arrived and asked if I had any questions; I may have mentioned this before but she has a real awkward bed side manner, it is actually now growing on me! Then the anesthesiologist gave me a cocktail of drugs through my IV, and I started to feel like I had 4 or 5 strong margaritas (apparently margaritas was what he was putting through my IV!). I was wheeled on my bed through to the operating room, and I concentrated really hard on looking around the room to see what it was like. But that lasted 30 seconds and I was out. Next thing I knew, I was waking up with Chris next to me, and everyone was laughing and joking at me because I had apparently been dancing to Elton John music in the surgery. Hmmmm. OK, if that’s what you say! I think it might actually be credible thing I’d do!

I vaguely remember them also saying that everything looked good on the camera and they had taken a biopsy to be sure. I had to ask Chris later if I imagined this conversation because I wasn’t sure if I had dreamed it!

I was really, really sleepy coming out of this cocktail of sedation drugs compared to my egg retrievals. I struggled to wake up and felt very woozy. I asked the nurse if the drugs were different, but she said they were the same, they may have given me a little more this time, or just being tired and stressed can make recovery time longer. Well, both of those things are true so I guess that explained it. After an hour of coming out of the operating room, I was ready to be driven home. We stopped off at Panera bread to buy some breakfast treats. I also ordered a decaf caramel latte and when I took a sip of it I was convinced it had no coffee in it at all! It just tasted like steamed milk to me. Chris tried it and said that it definitely had coffee in it. I didn’t believe him, miffed, I didn’t drink anymore of it until I got home, when this time I took a sip it definitely had coffee in it! So something weird was going on with my taste buds! I attempted to eat my giant cinnamon roll, but my mouth was sooooooooooo dry I could barely swallow a mouthful. My throat is sore and my mouth dry now still! Well at least this time I don’t have a drippy nose! Ah well, I think I would rather have been sedated than have none, so I can’t complain in the grander scheme of things.

So once again, everything looks normal. We still have no explanation as to what may be wrong. I am pleased that there is nothing obviously wrong with my uterus (well, I am still waiting for the results of the endometrieal biopsy they took whilst they were in there today!).

Tomorrow I will phone and see what the plan is for starting IVF round 3 because my period is due to start 3 days before my results appointment, so I need to see if they will start me on down regulation before the results. I also don’t really know much about their lupron down regulation protocol and how long they do it for.

For now I have a very busy week ahead of me, but I have a quieter weekend coming, so I hope to catch up with the blogging then and get me some blog therapy in!

Average number of blastocysts per IVF cycle

February 21, 201624 Comments

It’s a really simple question – what is the average number of blastocysts per IVF cycle? After our failed IVF cycle I posted a status update in my local resolve support group’s facebook page, I explained what had happened with our cycle: 14 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 11 fertilised, 2x 5 Day blastocysts transferred (5BB & 5CC) on Day 5, 9 still alive on day 5, but 0 were of sufficient quality for cryopreservation. Some ladies commented how they had similar results with 0 embryos making it to the freezer, and one lady posed the very good question how common is it to have 0 make it to the freezer? Perhaps it is more common than we think? So it got me thinking…at no point has my doctor said what a typical number of eggs, embryos or blastocysts she would expect out of a cycle for us – the only stats we were ever told was all about our likelihood of a successful pregnancy from 1 cycle of IVF, and ultimately, a live birth. And of course, that is the only statistic we only really care about, right? This holds true, until you get a Big Fat Negative (BFN), then the other statistics start to matter and grind at you.

So I looked into it, and asked google – what is the average number of blastocysts per IVF cycle? But I couldn’t find an easy answer, or at least one that I held great confidence in. I’m the kind of person who needs to see the supporting evidence, and not just some seemingly arbitrary numbers some random person has posted on a website. But although I didn’t find any national statistics per se, what I did find, made me feel a whole lot better about our last cycle.

The statistics that the Pacific Fertility Center in Canada are claiming are [1]:

11 – Average number of eggs retrieved

9 – Average number of mature eggs

7 – Average number of eggs that fertilise (approximately 80%)

7 – Average number of fertilised eggs that will form embryos (98%)

7 – Average number of embryos on Day 3 of culture

3.5 – Average number of blastocycts on Day 5/6 (50% of good quality day 3 embryos make it to blastocyst)

It was not clear if this was their clinic’s statistics or where the source of this data came from. So my confidence is not high in it, I don’t know over how many cycles or patients this average is calculated. But at least it gives you a flavour of what numbers to expect. Note, it does not mention average number of blastocysts making it to cryopreservation!

Another clinic, Advanced Fertility Center of Chicago, provides a nice pretty chart of their own statistics, broken down by age for the period of 2003-2005. First of all my first alarm bell is that is over 10 years old now! Has anything changed in Assisted Reproductive Technologies in the last 10 years? Hmmmmm. Anyway, here it is….

Advanced Fertility Center of Chicago’s average number of eggs, mature eggs, fertilised eggs, 8 cell embryos and Day 5 blasts [2]

Their numbers are slightly lower than the Canadian clinic’s…but there could be many reasons for this because, again, there is no clue as to how many cycles/patients this average is calculated over. This clinic does publish their statistic of how many blastocysts make it to cryopreservation. And here is the money shot statistic people!!!!

Advanced Fertility Center of Chicago’s average number of blastocysts frozen per cycle in 2010-2011 [3]

Just look at how low these numbers are! An average of 1.7 for women younger than 35 years old. And this statistic is a little bit more up to date than the ones above – this was for cycles from 2010-2011.

So what is the point of this post? The point is that we didn’t have any blastocysts that made it to cryopreservation, but we did have 2 blasts that were transferred and 1 that could have been frozen, but they decided it might not survive the thaw. For our first cycle we had one blast make it to the freezer. The point is, we had high expectations for more to make it to the freezer, when in actual fact the reality is, we were better than average to have so many good Day 3 embryos and we were typically average with transferring 2 on Day 5. Yes, IVF cycle 2 was a failure, but we were pretty average with our second cycle!!! This doesn’t mean we are less likely to succeed with cycle 3, rather the odds ARE in our favour.

Happy dance Dani!!!

stay the path