Why can’t we make a baby? #NIAW

April 24, 20165 Comments

Why? Why me? Why can’t I make a baby like all my other friends and family? I have so many questions about why after almost 2.5 years of trying to conceive and failing miserably, month after month. What have I done to cause this? Why won’t my body just get pregnant? What am I doing wrong?

It’s human nature to want to know why things happen. But these are the type of questions that run through my head round and round, continuously ever since we decided to grow our family. I have yet to answer any of these questions. It is exhausting.

Chris and I are 1 in 8 couples of child bearing age in the US that struggle with the disease that is infertility. We tried the good old fashioned way – sex – for 11 months before we went to seek specialist help from a reproductive endocrinologist doctor after we discovered that Chris’s testosterone levels were “below normal”. It turned out for us that testosterone levels do not actually matter that much when it comes to fertility. Chris actually had super sperm, and lots of them! But it did lead us to start the typical tests for diagnosing infertility.

We thanked our lucky stars that all our test results came back normal – there was nothing seriously wrong with either of us. In fact, we passed all our tests with flying colours, we were top of the class! But this put us into the category that 20% of infertile couples are diagnosed with – unexplained infertility. This meant that the doctors could not tell us why we hadn’t been successful so far in trying to conceive the way they teach you at school. We were about to embark on a journey that was going to take us beyond what they taught us at school – we were going to try to get pregnant with medical assistance. We were heading into the world of the unknown. We knew little to nothing about infertility.

At first it was difficult to explain to our friends and family why we were seeking treatment, because there was nothing ‘technically’ wrong with us. The infertility was inexplicable! It was embarrassing, it was awkward to explain. So this is why I started this blog, to help us get over this difficulty in explaining what we were doing and why, as well as helping to explain our feelings about our disease in general.

Unexplained infertility in someways has been a good thing – there is always hope that this treatment will work. But ultimately it is difficult to accept that there is just no known reason that this isn’t working for us. In some cases, going through medically assisted treatment for infertility can reveal the explanation of a couple’s infertility. But in our case, after 3 IUIs (Artificial Insemination) and 3 cycles of IVF (In-Vitro Fertilisation), 1 suspected ectopic pregnancy, and over $90k of medical bills we are none the wiser as to why we do not have a baby in our arms yet.

Conception is a wondrous act of nature, but it is also an incredibly complex process – there have to be many stars in line for a healthy baby to be born. For something that is the very basis of our human race’s existence, we still know very little about the disease that prevents us from growing our families. It’s incredible, right?

I am currently in the dreaded two week wait of our third (and final) IVF cycle. If this cycle fails, apart from being devastated, I do not know how we will ever be able to move forward without knowing why this has happened, why medical treatment didn’t work for us. Our infertility will never leave us.

For National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW), the national non-profit infertility organisation Resolve is promoting this year’s theme #StartAsking. The theme is about promoting the questions that we want to be answered, whether this is asking for our Employers to provide insurance coverage, asking for legislation that supports family building options or asking our friends and family to support us. For me, the one question I have and want to raise more awareness about is to:

#StartAsking for more targeted research on unexplained infertility.

Perhaps if we can understand more about how or why some couples are infertile, then better focused medical interventions can be developed to defeat infertility.

I want answers!!!! But we won’t ever get answers if we don’t talk about infertility and unexplained infertility. It shouldn’t be a secret. We can do this by speaking openly about infertility, by getting organisations like Resolve to help raise our community’s voice and build awareness.

If you would like to know more about infertility, please visit Resolve.org.

If you would like to help, you can contribute by fundraising or donating for Resolve. Or just comment below with your questions and thoughts to join in the discussion!

IVF Diary Vol III: 17-19 Apr 16

April 20, 2016April 20, 201617 Comments

Medication(s) administered and dosage(s). 3DP5DT (3 days past 5 Day Transfer) PM Progesterone in Oil 1ml Intra-muscular injection, vivelle dot estrogen patches 0.1mg x2.

Injecting into my right side is much harder than my left side – even though I’m injecting with my right hand on the right side – it’s just that I have more flexibility in turning my torso left than I do right. Is that weird? Or is that standard for right handed people??

Last night, my first night in a hotel on my own without Chris on hand, I gave myself the progesterone in oil injection. I felt queasy and thought I was going to pass out as the needle got half way in. Fortunately I didn’t, but the whole experienced has made me feel nervous about doing it again tonight :-s

We also experimented and replaced the needle with a new one after drawing up the oil to see if it made a difference. It felt slightly sharper/easier to pierce the skin so I will keep doing that – I have enough needles stored up!!!

Medical procedures undertaken. Nil! Woohoo!!!

Any results? The nurse called with the news about our embryos – none of them were of sufficient quality by the end of day 6 to freeze. Chris came to my work to give me a big hug. The news definitely sucked…but now we know what we are dealing with. We have both kind of pushed this news into the corner for another time to think about. We need to focus on the right now instead. These two little cheeky embryos had better stick!!

What are my symptoms? The Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome symptoms have subsided, my ovaries have had lots of sharp pains and twinges the past two days, but the overall abdominal pains has almost but dissipated except for after eating. Sore boobs….Chris hugged me and I yelped a bit from the tender boobs!!!!

How do I feel today? I had a lovely dream that I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl…like she was the most beautiful baby anyone had seen, the day of coming back home from the hospital we went to a party and showed her off to everyone, then I realised that I didn’t know how to breast feed her and some ladies had to help me. Awkward. That was weird…but what wasn’t weird was the fact that this dream felt so real when I woke up for a slight second I thought it had actually happened for real 😦 I hope it was my body telling me something!!!

What’s next? Is it test time yet????!

The Final Countdown!!!

*Notes. I take First Response Reproductive Health multi vitamin gummies (pre-natal), 5mg Melatonin at bed time and CoQ10 200mg gummies daily. NSTR = Nothing Significant To Report.

IVF Diary vol III: 10 -14 Apr 16

April 14, 2016April 14, 201612 Comments

Medication(s) administered and dosage(s). Wait and Hope Phase Day 3 (i.e. the bit between Egg Retrieval and Transfer!). PM Progesterone in Oil 1ml Intra-muscular injection, vivelle dot estrogen patches 0.1mg x2.

Medical procedures undertaken. Egg retrieval – I wrote about it in a separate post here. Basically the procedure went well, but I was in pain immediately waking up from the anesthetic. I had Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS) by the time I got to the day of Egg retrieval, so the pain was to be expected (according to the doctor – I was oblivious).

Any results? 17 Eggs retrieved, 12 of these were mature, and 10 of those fertilised. The clinic’s protocol is that if you get 7 or more fertilised eggs then they aim for a Day 5 transfer.

So when I woke up from the egg retrieval, the doctor tried to explain to me the symptoms of OHSS and that I need to watch out for certain potentially dangerous symptoms – such as shallow breathing and vomiting. Apparently she explained all of this to Chris in a whole lot more detail whilst I will still recovering, which was a good thing, because my exact recollection of her words were shadowed by the pain I was having in my abdomen!!!

I put together a nice little chart showing how for this cycle my estradiol levels sky rocketed in comparison to my previous cycles and what we got out of them. Remember, we are trying for quality not quantity!!!

estradiol results.jpg

What are my symptoms? The day of my egg retrieval surgery (Monday) and the day after (Tuesday) I was practically in bed for most of it, or sedentary on the sofa. I was suffering with gas (farts and burps galore!), pain in my abdomen particularly above my belly button and below my lungs. The pain killers really weren’t helping much with the pain, they just caused constipation, so I gave up on them. I could barely eat a plate of food. I ate small portions of soup and bread, I tried to eat salad, but that filled me up after a few bites and made me feel nauseous. I couldn’t even drink much water/gatorade my tummy felt like it was about to puke all the time. Wednesday I braved work because I had to get up and move around. Mentally I was fine, but the lower half of my body was not playing ball. So I left work after lunch to work from my bed instead because all I needed was to lie down propped up. Lying down completely flat and sitting upright/standing weren’t particularly comfortable, but hunching over a bit was OK. I went to bed last night swearing that if I was not better in the morning I would be calling the clinic for an ultrasound. Well despite a crappy nights sleep, I did feel a bit better once I got up. So I weighed myself and measured my waist. No change – but I was still almost 8 inches wider round the waist and 5lbs over my normal weight. I wasn’t getting worse – just not any better, I decided not to call for an ultrasound.

This morning we both waited until 0800 before getting on with our lives because this was the time that the clinic would have called if we were to go in for a Day 3 Transfer, just in case some of our embryos weren’t surviving. But they didn’t call, and we breathed a sigh of relief. Although we know from our last cycle, that this doesn’t mean we have good quality embryos waiting for us on Day 5. So without any updates on their progress until the day of our transfer, all we can do is hope they keep growing strong.

How do I feel today? I was feeling really down yesterday about my OHSS symptoms and frustrated with my body. I am not a good ill person. I was pretty grumpy at Chris too. On Tuesday I decided to enlist the help of my friends and gave this status update on facebook:

“Please send us a happy thought for us as I tuck myself up with a hot water bottle, drinking fluids and electrolytes and eating salty food as I try to ward off the symptoms of ovarian Hyper stimulation syndrome so that we can transfer our embryos this week!!! Anything to make us smile would be greatly appreciated! Post your favourite funnies below! (Although not too funny because my tummy hurts!!!)”

In the spirit of National Infertility Awareness Week‘s theme #StartAsking….I decided to ask for help from our friends to help us get through this rough patch! I am glad I did 🙂 I received many funnies…and gave me a smiley warm feeling inside that my friends were thinking of us. They say laughter is the best medicine!

Also, if I am honest with myself I am nervous that we have one less embryo than from IVF cycle 2….but I must remind myself QUALITY not QUANTITY is important!!!!

What’s next? Our Embryo transfer is scheduled for 0700 Saturday morning!!! Yikes!! I can’t wait to be PUPO – Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise 🙂 Oh and I need to do this progesterone in oil injection on my own. *GULP* my mountain, my nemesis :-s

The Final Countdown!!!

*Notes. I take First Response Reproductive Health multi vitamin gummies (pre-natal), 5mg Melatonin at bed time and CoQ10 200mg gummies daily. NSTR = Nothing Significant To Report.

IVF Diary Vol III: 07-09 Apr 16

April 9, 2016April 9, 201612 Comments

Medication(s) administered and dosage(s). Stimming phase: day 9. AM Lupron 0.5mg (5 units) injection. Today is TRIGGER DAY!! WHOOP WHOOP!!!

Medical procedures undertaken. Monitoring vaginal ultrasound and Estradiol blood tests check 3 on Thursday & 4 today, Saturday!

Any results? Uterine lining 13mm and several follicles >21mm, a few more at 19mm and some smaller ones between 11-18mm, I’m not surprised I’m feeling so sore and bloated! They are much bigger than any of my previous cycles!

What are my symptoms? Wow I am ready for these eggs to go. I am feeling much more bloated and sensitive in my ovaries than any of the previous cycles. Headaches and tiredness galore.

How do I feel today? I am feeling positive. I’m feeling excited. I’m feeling ready!!! I’ve had three days off work keeping myself busy with fun things like shopping, knitting and baking!

Today at a party I was playing with a little girl and someone who I had just met a few hours earlier asked me “so when are you planning on having one of your own?” I turned around slightly surprised and replied to him in front of everyone in the room, “hmmm soooo in about 9 months time!!”, he said “Oh, umm, wow” taken aback at my response, “You are trying now?” I said “Well, yes, as of next Saturday I will be pregnant…..we are going through IVF!!”. Everyone in the room looked a little unsure and shocked at my bluntness!! Then I got a whole sea of “Oh Congratulations!!” “That’s awesome!!!”. It’s funny how open I can be about it all now.

What’s next? Trigger tonight at 9PM and then egg retrieval surgery is on Monday 0630 AM!

The Final Countdown!!!

*Notes. I take First Response Reproductive Health multi vitamin gummies (pre-natal), 5mg Melatonin at bed time and CoQ10 200mg gummies daily. NSTR = Nothing Significant To Report.

IVF Diary Vol III: 31 Mar – 02 Apr 16

April 2, 20164 Comments

Medication(s) administered and dosage(s). Stimming phase: day 1 PM: Gonal-F 375 iu & Menopur 75 iu injections. AM Lupron 0.5mg (5 units) injection

My doctor has decided to increase the Gonal-F and reduce the menopur for this cycle (Gonal-F being the more expensive drug, of course!!). I hope I respond well to this change!!!

Medical procedures undertaken. Baseline monitoring vaginal ultrasound and hormone blood tests.

ultrasound

What are my symptoms? I have experienced few symptoms, except for mild tummy bloating and a lot of farting!!! I also have what seems to be a cold, although it is pine pollen season so perhaps I am experiencing the effects of the icky yellow goo that spreads itself around this time of year.

How do I feel today? I am feeling perfectly chilled out right now. I have had two nights in a row of sleeping through the night 🙂 But I’ve had a few bad dreams 😦 We are feeling a little bit emotionally lost about this IVF cycle. It has been hard to get really excited.

I am planning some fun things to get us through this cycle. I will be spending some of the two week wait away in DC so I am going to have to do these progesterone injections myself. The nurse mentioned that if I do get a positive result then my doctor might be OK with me taking turns doing suppositories and injections. But not until I get that positive!!!

Chris and I had a little walk to the beach and took our solo cups of wine because the weather was nice and warm. It was our last alcoholic drink to mark the start of our IVF cycle!

Any results? Estradiol level 20.9 pg/ml. Uterine lining perfect. Ovaries – nice and quiet with some follicles sitting nicely ready to be stimulated!!

What’s next? Monday morning is my next monitoring appointment, meanwhile we keep taking those wonderful stimming injections!

Weight. I still haven’t got on the scales yet!

Waist. NSTR.

Boobs. NSTR.

The Final Countdown!!!

*Notes. I take First Response Reproductive Health multi vitamin gummies (pre-natal), 5mg Melatonin at bed time and CoQ10 200mg gummies daily. NSTR = Nothing Significant To Report.

IVF Diary Vol III 21-30 Mar 16

March 30, 20166 Comments

Medication(s) administered and dosage(s). Lupron 0.5mg (10 units) injection AM.

Somehow I have managed to take all my medications at the correct time despite all the time zone changes (Belgium was 5 hours ahead and the UK was four hours ahead at the time). I have taken the Lupron injections in some strange places, including in the airplane toilet. I had alarms set on my phone so I could remember to do it because taking the pill and doing the injection were both at random times of the day! Quite frankly amongst everything that has been going on I am impressed with myself for managing to figure it all out!

Medical procedures undertaken. Nil.

What are my symptoms? Actually, I haven’t really experienced any symptoms in particular. I still have a mild upset tummy, it was doing much better before I left for Europe, but I think everything got screwed up after everything with the attack. I’ve had a few random bouts of tears, but I can’t tell whether they are a result of the hormones or not. Who knows! I’m kind of getting used to this happening now.

How do I feel today? I went back to work on Tuesday and it wasn’t too bad. I did have a little bit of a shaking episode after I had recanted to my Brussels story the nth time. I was just overwhelmed (in a positive way) with how many people told me they are pleased to see me in one piece!!! I was also overwhelmed with the sheer number of people who actually read my blog post. People who I have never spoken to at work before had read it and came up to me to tell me how amazing it was…even all the senior bosses had read it. Basically pretty much everyone I work with now knows about my blog. I’m pretty sure most people didn’t take much notice of the infertility part of my blog, rather were just interested in the Brussels story, but when my friends and family asked if it was OK to share it, I really had no idea how far it would be shared.

I’m not doing well at sleeping, but I guess that is to be expected…and with the hormones I am not sure how much is contributed by events vs the medications. So I am a little tired. But the good news is that I have taken some time off work! Woohoo!!! Relaxation…chilling…are all that is scheduled for me during the stimulation phase of this cycle! A complete contrast to last time. I have even discovered a new yoga place that has opened up near my house. Overall, I am excited that we have another chance at IVF, but a little niggly part of me thinks I shouldn’t get my hopes up because it will be a long way to fall down from this time around.

Any results? Nil

What’s next? I have my first baseline monitoring appointment tomorrow morning. Hopefully it will all be go go go for cycle 3! Fingers crossed this Lupron has done its job nicely.

Weight. I still haven’t got on the scales yet!

Waist. NSTR.

Boobs. NSTR.

The Final Countdown!!!

*Notes. I take First Response Reproductive Health multi vitamin gummies (pre-natal), 5mg Melatonin at bed time and CoQ10 200mg gummies daily. NSTR = Nothing Significant To Report.

What’s infertility got to do with a terrorist attack?

March 27, 2016March 27, 20167 Comments

I have been surprised at how many people have commented on my apparent levelheadedness during the terrorist attack in Brussels airport. Although the absolute fear and terror was running through my mind, my actions seemed logical. I’m surprised, because I just did what I did – and even I am somewhat surprised at my own response. However, I think that it is all mostly about an element of luck. Some people have told me, they believe in some kind of divine intervention (I personally do not believe that, whether god exists or not). The luck was the third suitcase bomb didn’t explode. The luck was that I wasn’t closer. The luck was that the terrorists were ill prepared to carry out a more sophisticated attack. (Apparently, they had been planning more, but for some reason failed to implement it). The luck was that I was in the right place and it simply wasn’t my time to die.

A friend of mine made a really interesting comment about the difference between a man and woman’s propensity to take risk. A woman’s appetite to take risk varies with her menstrual period, where as a man’s appetite for risk remains relatively stable. When a woman is in her ovulatory stage, she is less likely to take risks. Therefore, hormones surely have a role to play in risk taking. So what does that mean for a woman who is going through infertility treatment and jacked up with lots of hormones? Does this mean that a woman’s propensity for risk is heightened or lowered depending on the stage of their treatment, how different would it be compared to if they were in their normal menstrual cycle?

During the attack, I was on Day 12 of the down regulation part of my IVF cycle, preparing for my upcoming stimulation phase. I had already been experiencing some of the side effects from these drugs (I wrote about them in my previous diary entry here). The question I have is – had I not been on these drugs would I have reacted differently to the situation? We will never know the answer, because we will never know what could have been. But it is an interesting question never-the-less!

I can tell you that the feelings and emotions I have been experiencing after getting caught up in the attack are not dissimilar to how I felt after being told our pregnancy was not viable. I’ve experienced random crying over what could have been. Sadness, frustration, anger and numbness – all feelings that have washed over me in the immediate days past these traumatic events. I never thought I could ever liken an impending pregnancy loss to surviving a terrorist attack. But I am, and that is simply how I have been feeling over the past couple of days. I’ve also experienced the overwhelming feeling of love and kindness from friends and family after these events. And I mean overwhelming to the point where I have been dumbstruck.

I anticipate that I might attend some kind of therapy after experiencing what I did this week. The question I have is, why haven’t I been so accepting of undertaking therapy for infertility after our loss and constant failure? If these feelings I am experiencing are so similar, perhaps I should have gone to therapy over our infertility sooner? I don’t know, but perhaps I just didn’t realise the intense emotions and trauma infertility slowly piles up upon us. Or maybe, the reason is because I feel like I have absolutely no control over a terrorist attack, and maybe I *believe* I have some control over my infertility. I think my perspective might have changed over the past week; I know some of you wonderful ladies have tried therapy for infertility and swear by it. Going to therapy doesn’t mean I am weak, it means that I am strong, strong enough to recognise that help is there for the taking.

For those inclined…a couple of journal articles on risk taking and a woman’s hormonal cycle:

Variations in risk taking behaviour over the menstrual cycle: http://people.uncw.edu/bruce/hon%20210/pdfs/risk%20taking.pdf

The influence of menstrual cycle and impulsivity and risk taking behaviour: http://www.ledonline.it/NeuropsychologicalTrends/allegati/NeuropsychologicalTrends_17_Iannello.pdf

IVF Diary Vol III 15-20 Mar 16

March 20, 201613 Comments

Medication(s) administered and dosage(s). Ovulation Control Pill (OCP) Reclipsen 0.15MG-30MCG x 1 per day, Lupron 0.5mg (10 units) injection AM.

I started the Lupron injections on Thursday morning. Although the amount of liquid is tiny and the needle is small, I still freaked out about giving myself the injection. I tried to do it, but the needle bounced off my skin, so I asked Chris to do it so I could feel how hard it needs to e to pierce the skin. But on Friday, I did the injection myself! It didn’t hurt, I was just slightly hesitant and the needle went in slower than I expected. Saturday, the needle bumped off my skin again! I’m sure I will figure it out. Also, there is barely any blood after these injections so I don’t really need gauze and I can’t tell where I just did the injection which means I am finding it difficult to figure out where to put a plaster over it! I discovered putting a plaster over the injection site means that I don’t have to remember the next day where I just did my previous injection.

Medical procedures undertaken. Nil. But – I did have a post op follow up appointment with my Doctor to go over my results from the hysteroscopy. I knew the biopsy results were good because they come through on my clinic’s app and I am sure she wouldn’t have had told me to start the Birth control pills if there was anything wrong. However, on the day of the appointment I started to get a bit nervous because I thought if everything was OK, why did she still need to see me? When I arrived the nurse asked where my husband was? At first I just joked with her “He’s working – I hope!!!”, but then it dawned on me….should he be here with me because it’s going to be bad news? I didn’t even think about bringing Chris along. The nurse did the usual vitals check and took me to the Doctor’s office to wait. As I was sitting in her office there was one pamphlet on her desk that stuck out – it was about uterine cancer. My heart started to beat faster!! My head was racing. Fortunately the doctor arrived quickly after I sat down. She cut straight to the chase and said everything looked just fine! Phew. She took a look at her computer and said that there was just one area of redness of my uterus she had seen on the camera that she thought might be inflammation, but the biopsy did not show any signs of inflammation. So all good! A very quick appointment, I was in and out in 5 minutes…it was just like being at a doctor’s office in the UK!!!!

What are my symptoms? I have two symptoms I want to talk about – my upset tummy and my hormones!

At my post op appointment I asked my doctor about my upset tummy. I told her my diarrhea has been playing up, maybe it’s just my Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) being bad or, is there any chance it could be something related to the hysteroscopy? The only thing that could cause diarrhea is the cytotec pills I took that ‘softens the cervix’ prior to the surgery. Maybe it caused a mis-balance of bacteria in my tummy, but it should go away soon. It wasn’t the most helpful advice I’ve received from a doctor…but as usual not knowing what causes my poorly tummy I am used to. So I decided to put into practice my knowledge of things to make diarreah go away. The first is to take some probiotics. After my appointment I went straight to the shops and looked for a probiotic yoghurt drink. Now in the UK, there are these little drinks that you can take daily – there are different brands like yakult and actimel, they are very common in the supermarket. But here in the US, I haven’t ever noticed before until now, they are not common! I tried looking for a US store that sells Yakult and it’s typical! The only place nearby is the Commissary! As a civilian, I am not allowed to shop at the Commissary!! (The Commissary is where the military can buy their groceries at a discount). Anyway…I did discover something similar in the organic section – Kefir. Kefir is a fermented milk drink with kefir grains in it. I wasn’t sure if this would aggravate my upset tummy or the probiotics would do its thing. There were also some juices with probiotics added, this to my mind didn’t seem the best for my tummy because real fruit juice can make things worse for me. Anyway either the Kefir has had a positive effect or my tummy is getting better on its own. The past few days I have returned to normal upset tummy (where I experience diarrhea about once a day rather than 4-6 times a day for the past two weeks!)

My hormones. I am going to do a separate post on this, but in a nutshell, the Lupron and Birth Control Pills are doing weird things to me. On Friday evening as I was getting ready to go to the ball (!!!) I was curling my hair and tried to pin it up how I like to. But for some reason it wasn’t working. My hair looked awful, I was getting frustrated at it…then I flipped out at my inability to make my hair look half decent. Like seriously got mad and threw stuff across the room. I looked in the mirror and I felt nothing, I looked back at myself and felt nothing. I didn’t feel sexy, I thought I looked hideous. Chris kept telling me my hair looked lovely down and I should leave it, but I just kept looking at myself and I felt like I was out of my body – I was in somebody else’s body. I felt…..nothing. It was weird. I didn’t like it! Could it be the Lupron doing this to me?

How do I feel today? Chris and I had an evening of sharing our feelings about this IVF cycle. It got emotional. We realised we have both been bad at not sharing our feelings, we both made assumptions about things and came to wrong conclusions. We just didn’t talk enough about what was going to happen this cycle – the changes in my protocol and the uncertainty around dates of key things happening in the cycle like when the Egg Retrieval and transfer might be. Particularly with the transfer (Day 3 v Day 5). The difference being that this cycle came around quickly (we both felt unprepared for it), and my period started much earlier than I anticipated. Because I had been so busy with work, we just hadn’t been keeping the communication lines open…but we re-opened them – that’s good, but it took us a while to figure that out!

Any results? Other than my post op results being clear!

What’s next? I stop the Birth Control Pills next week and keep the Lupron injections going. I am off on travels to Europe next week so I have the added issue of figuring out what times to take my pills and injections! I made a mistake of taking my Birth Control Pills after my dinner, so now in Europe with them being 6 hours ahead at the moment, it means I would need to be taking them at 2AM! Doh! The Lupron injections won’t be so bad – I can take them at 1PM at lunch time. I may also have to give myself an injection on the plane as I fly transatlantic!!!! Double doh!

Weight. I still haven’t got on the scales yet!

Waist. NSTR.

Boobs. NSTR.

The Final Countdown!!!

*Notes. I take First Response Reproductive Health multi vitamin gummies (pre-natal), 5mg Melatonin at bed time and CoQ10 200mg gummies daily. NSTR = Nothing Significant To Report.

IVF Diary Vol III begins!

March 12, 201617 Comments

Here we are again. It’s like deja vu, right? Seriously, Christmas seemed like ages ago, but somehow IVF round 2 only felt like a week or two ago. It’s all come around again quickly for us. I don’t feel quite so ready for it – mentally, my mind has been at work, physically, my body has been at work (hahaha!) what I really mean is – I need to do some exercise!!!

I started my Birth Control Pills on Thursday evening and phoned the nurse who is covering for my nurse whilst she is on leave to schedule in my IVF cycle. She gave me the important dates and told me she would order my medications. I put down the phone with dates in my hand, excited…then a little later realised that she hadn’t asked me what meds I had left over from my last cycle! Aghhh! And it was very late friday afternoon so I knew there was no chance of catching her in time. Also, I haven’t received notification from the Pharmacy yet that my prescription has arrived with them and I need my Lupron by Thursday morning! I am in Washington DC for two days next week, so my only real day to receive by FedEx my giant box of medication goodies in time would be Monday. Aghhhhhh!!!!! I hate this last minute panic thing!!! I am sure it will all be fine and the script will be with the Pharmacy today. Zen Dani……Zen.

I had my last alcoholic beverage last night – a wonderful glass or two or red wine. Bye bye alcohol! Although this cycle has creeped up on me, I am feeling excited. This is it. It’s all or nothing now!!!! Wish us luck!!!!! Eeeeeeek….

IVF cycle 3 Calendar

Chris told me I was too graphic in my last post about my period, so here is a Too Much Information Warning…….!!!! Don’t read past here if you don’t like reading about periods! I’ve been popping the painkillers for my period and surviving OK, the short sharp pains have gone, thankfully, it’s just the typical period pains now. But I did have something happen to me that I’ve never had before. I passed a ball of old thick dark black blood about the size of a large grape. It wasn’t clotty, but thick and sticky, kind of like a truffle! I got a little freaked out, but then remembered that putting a camera into your uterus and taking a biopsy from the the uterine lining 9 days before your period is probably not a normal every month occurrence; so I should not be surprised my body is doing some weird things. I have a post-op appointment next week, so I will mention it just to be sure. (Things I never thought I’d write about and share to the public world – my period!)

The Pre Hysteroscopy Surgery Appointment

February 25, 2016February 25, 201615 Comments

The nurse called me back and directed me to the toilet. I told her I had literally just gone to the toilet 2 minutes before she called me and that I apologised profusely that I did not know I was required to do a pregnancy pee test! Whoops!!! But the silly thing is that almost two weeks ago we did a blood test after IVF cycle 2 and it was a big fat negative. I am currently on Cycle Day 11 so it would actually be a miracle if I was pregnant right now!! But hey, I guess stranger things have happened. The nurse took my blood pressure and temperature as usual, but this time we did something different! A finger prick to test my hemoglobin levels. I told her it’s always fun to try something new at the clinic, just to mix it up a bit! I suggested a fertility test card bingo game, I might be on way my way to winning by now!! Winning what exactly, I’m not sure…

The nurse explained that she was going to order in to my pharmacy a prescription of two cytotec pills that I need insert vaginally an hour before arriving for my hysteroscopy next week (basically I will need to do that at 0530 on the day of the procedure!!! :-s). Cytotec is actually primarily used to prevent stomach ulcers when taking Non Sterodial Anti Inflammatory Drugs such as Ibuprofen or aspirin. But cytotec does have an off label use – to ‘ripen the cervix’ (Haha I love the fact that one ‘ripens the cervix’ like an apple or banana) Basically it helps dilate the cervix so it is easier for the camera to get into the uterus. So this adds 4 types of drugs I’ve used during infertility treatment that is off label use – Letrozole, vivelle dot estrogen patches, methotrexate and now the cytotec. Off label use means that the FDA hasn’t approved that drug for the manner in which the doctor has prescribed it. But all of these drugs are commonly used off label, so I am not worried about it. But at no point have I ever been told these are drugs are being prescribed off label. It’s an interesting practice! I digress….

After being prodded and poked by the nurse I saw my doctor who went over the procedure with me and updated my medical history. The procedure is relatively simple. I arrive at 0630 AM at the surgery operating room, they get me prepped and ready in a fabulous gown. No eating or drinking after midnight until after the procedure. No make up, jewellery etc. Similar to the egg retrieval. The anesthetist will give me a cocktail of sedation drugs, probably similar to ones to the egg retrieval. Once I am knocked out, they insert a camera through my cervix into my uterus – there are no cuts required. Then they take a look around. If there is anything there that shouldn’t be there, they will remove it there and then. They will probably also take a biopsy of my uterus. The whole procedure typically lasts 15 minutes. Then I am back out of surgery into recovery for about an hour for the sedation to wear off, then I am driven home by my lovely, patient, husband. So it really is a quick and simple procedure. I might be in a bit of pain afterwards, but there is no requirement for me to rest afterwards, however, I won’t return to work until the next day because of the anesthesia drugs.

Simples!

Finally after my doctor gave me the low down and I signed my life away for all potential risks, I moved to the business admin office to pay my dues. Here is the complicated bit.

My insurance provider is United Healthcare. Well kind of. My actual insurance company is Allianz. I work for an international organisation where the majority of its employees work in Europe, but there are a small number of us here living in the US, so although Allianz provides us with worldwide coverage, it doesn’t have a primary market in the US. So, Allianz pays United Healthcare to be the ‘front man’ for all of us employees who live in the US. This means that Allianz gets access to all the in-network negotiated benefits and doesn’t have to worry about administration costs of billing etc in the US. So all my healthcare providers bill to United, United then bill Allianz.

Have I lost you yet???!!

For anything dental or vision I have to pay for it upfront then claim it back from Allianz, then they re-imburse me 90%. But I also have the choice of paying for any other healthcare service upfront and then claiming it back directly from Allianz, I don’t have to go through United. Most of the time this isn’t beneficial because of the in-network negotiated costs can sometimes be ridiculously discounted so it is better to go through United. Except in the case of my hysteroscopy….

United demand that the hysteroscopy procedure is performed at a hospital and not the clinic. If it is not performed at a hospital they won’t pay up. If I went to the hospital, there is a longer wait time, particularly co-ordinating it so my doctor from the clinic can go to the hospital to do the procedure. Then there is the high cost of doing it in a hospital – approximately $20 000! Now, there would be in-network discounts on that, but still that is a lot of money when you compare it to what my clinic charges – just $1300 if you self pay. Also, it is also far more convenient to have the procedure done at the clinic, especially as I know their surgery room well now! So it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out what needed to be done. Today I payed the $1300 ($400 of it in cash for the anesthetist, sounds dodgy right??!) , and then I will claim that back from Allianz directly in a couple of weeks time when I get the itemised bill. Allianz don’t care where I have it done as long as it doesn’t cost more than the limit. This made me think may be I could pay for all my IVF treatment upfront and claim it back – I reckon I could save about $500 if I did that. But then I remember how many bills I got through and realised that there is no way I could easily track all of that and then track all those claims to Allianz in addition to also handle the pre-approval process. I did that for my IUIs and it was a headache. It’s not worth the stress. Even if it were to give me a crap load of credit card points!!!!

Insurance in the US – what an absolute nightmare. But I think I probably have it easy despite the unusual arrangement we have with United & Allianz. I have it easy because I have amazing infertility coverage, and for that I am truly grateful.

Anyway, here I am, ready to go now for my hysteroscopy procedure next Tuesday!!! Who’d have thought I’d be excited for a diagnostic procedure that requires anesthesia! This is what infertility does to a woman, it turns you into a masochist-craaaazy!