My Mountains Monday Memoirs: Healing Holidays Days 10 to 16

November 3, 2015November 3, 20154 Comments

Well after starting NaBloMoPo15 yesterday with a mantra to write more meaningful and deeper posts I have lost my way already! But it is Monday….so I will finish off My Mountains Monday Memoirs post from last week. You won’t find anything deep in this post – just a recount of my healing holiday part 2 😉

(If you missed part 1, you can read about our first 9 days here)

Day 10. Albuquerque (NM). We thought we would be in Albuquerque as the worlds biggest hot air balloon festival would be going on because we found it difficult to find a campsite for that night. But in reality we arrived about 2 hours too late. The festival was over. Booooo. Anyway, we headed off to the Petroglyph National Park (A petroglyph is a rock carved drawing) for a mini adventure. We took a hike and viewed some incredible old rock carvings. We tried to imagine what people were expressing when they carved them into the rock hundreds of years ago. Here is one that looks like a stork carrying a baby – although it is actually a frog…but apparently the whole image may represent thankfulness for fertility or water. Because, you know, these things are so similar (!??!! the sign told us this, I didn’t just make it up!).

The stork and the baby story originates from Europe so we know that this is meant to be a frog!

The stork and the baby story originates from Europe so we know that this is probably actually a frog!

We decided not to head into Albuquerque city centre but rather spend more time getting outdoors instead – at the petrified forest.

Day 11. Petrified Forest, AZ. We took a spectacular hike into the wilderness – i.e. there was no path. You had to ask the park ranger for the ‘special’ instructions to do this hike. So armed with the ‘map’, instructions and a compass (my iPhone because we forgot to bring ours!) we headed out into the wilderness to look for a giant petrified log that crossed a wash (a temporary river when it rains).

A ‘wash’ in the petrified forest wilderness – no paths to follow here!

I felt in my element here. I was sooo happy. No one else around. No sounds of vehicles, very little wildlife except for lizards and ravens.

A lizard on a piece of petrified wood

The petrified logs were incredible. I had never seen anything like it.

Petrified wood in a valley

It is very tempting to just pick up a piece of petrified wood and put it in your pocket, but of course that is illegal so we didn’t!

The different colours are caused by different minerals the wood absorbed a few million years ago

There was so much wood lying around, especially from the giant logs I could really imagine what the forest would once have looked millions of years ago when the dinosaurs roamed. Now just a desert. Apparently this is the most ‘driven’ through National Park in the US. If you ever head this way, don’t just drive through it….get out and see it! There are many natural surprises that lay hidden throughout the park.

Day 12. Grand Canyon, South Rim, AZ. This time around we had planned to arrive in the Grand Canyon in style by taking the Grand Canyon train! Although, this did mean we only had 3 hours actually at the Canyon. We managed just 3 miles of hiking, the canyon was cruelly teasing us. BUT! this time we got to see the canyon in its finest. Not a cloud in sight. Once we escaped the crowds I was a happy bunny.

For the return trip on the train we bought luxury parlour class tickets – it was fantastic! A bit of a treat to ourselves because quite honestly it is a bit of a frivolity. Our tickets gave us full roaming of the train, including the back porch of the train. It was very cool being able to stand outside as the train was clickety-clacking along through the national park with the sunsetting. By the way, at no point do you get to see the canyon from the train (the pictures on the website are totally misleading), but it was still a wonderful journey. Our train was ‘robbed’ on the way back by cowboys – quite an amusing little bit of entertainment.

A wild west train robbery in action – apparently a pretty casual affair.

To end the day we went back to our campsite to finish off with a little bit of relaxing Jacuzzi action. Spoilt rotten.

Day 13. Lake Mead and Hoover Dam (NV & AZ). Mostly a day for driving, but at the end of the day we ended up at the Hoover dam. Wow, I learned a lot about this dam! We took the ‘full works’ tour of the dam and got to go inside the actual concrete dam itself. An incredible piece of engineering. I can understand why it is one of the seven engineering wonders of the world.

Hoover Dam – One of the 7 engineering wonders of the world

We ended up at Lake mead RV park with an amazing lakeside view. Sadly this was our last night in Trippy 😦

Lake Mead Camping

Day 14 & 15. Las Vegas baby! (NV). We handed Trippy back first thing in the morning and took a taxi to our hotel, the SLS. I had some Hilton points to use that I have collected over the last year so this was definitely a treat of a hotel. By the way, it was sooooo good to be in a real bed!!!

We gambled a little on the slot machines and learned how to play ultimate poker (where you play poker against the dealer only). We didn’t win big. But Chris did win 2 half dollar coins with 2 flushes, which we will keep and not be spending!! Half dollar coins are not commonly used any more, but it is possible to get half dollar coins to collect. Unfortunately, neither of them were the Kennedy half dollar coins that are worth something. But hey, it’s a novelty!

Our total sum winnings in Vegas…2 half dollar coins

We decided to be a bit different and went to the mob museum…you could even buy a beer to take around the exhibits with you! This was followed by a seafood buffet at the Freemont Casino. It was totally over-the-top with Vegas cheese, but we decided to go cheap rather than fancy because we thought it would be a waste of money spending money on a buffet when we are not big eaters. Chris was surprised at how much food I actually did pack away! We were both ill with funny tummies almost immediately afterwards, not because of food poisoning, just from the sheer amount we ate! We are clearly not well trained in buffet eating.

We treated ourselves to a dinner and show package. We chose to see ‘Absinthe’ at Caesars Palace – a variety show in a small intimate circus tent (there were only 10 rows of people!). It was comedy mixed with erotica, show dance girls and circus acts. There was something for everyone! It was excellent entertainment– not for the faint hearted or the straight laced! There was absolutely no political correctness here!

All in all, Vegas was highly entertaining, but I don’t think I could spend more than 2 nights there.

Day 16. Time to fly home. Reflecting upon our epic adventure, it made me realise that there is definitely a whole lot of America we have yet to see and experience. But most importantly, I came home refreshed and ready for whatever life wants to throw at me back in the real ‘non-vacay’ world.

Bye Bye Grand Canyon! ’til we meet again…

IVF round 2 – December/January 2016

October 28, 2015October 28, 20156 Comments

We met for our follow-up appointment with our doctor yesterday. There were no surprises. Which is a good thing! So the plan of attack is a fresh round of IVF…get a couple more embryos frozen:

Schedule a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG – if you would like a refresher what this procedure entails, check out my post from last time here) – I will do this as soon as I start my period (who knows when that will be!!!). It is very unlikely that my fallopian tubes will be blocked, but she wants to be sure. Fair enough. However, I am NOT looking forward to this test. Last time I was completely naive to the potential pain ahead for this particular procedure, now that I know exactly how much it can hurt I’m a wee bit nervous!
Plan to start Birth Control Pills to regulate my cycle in December with an egg retrieval date for early January 16. There is a period of 3 weeks that the embryology lab is closed over the Christmas period. Seriously – how unlucky am I?? Last time my cycle was delayed because the embryology lab was being refurbished. Oh well – I guess everyone needs a holiday.

There is a potential chance we could start Birth Control Pills in November, and do a retrieval before Christmas, but I think it will be close to my 3 month period of ‘no baby making’ because of the methotrexate shot I had affecting fetus development. I have been researching this, and I would be willing to go ahead a week or two earlier because doctors are overly cautious with this 3 month time stamp. As long as I keep taking my folic acid I should have no problems. However, this is something to be discussed once we have a better idea of a) when my period is likely to be and b) assuming my HSG test is all clear!!!

There will be no change to my protocol, perhaps a slight increase in some of the medication dosages to mature more of my eggs. As a reminder from our first round we had 9 eggs retrieved, 6 of these eggs were mature, 4 of these eggs were successfully fertilised by ICSI, 2 good 8 cell embryos were transferred on day 3, and 1 of the 2 embryos made it to Day 5 blastocyst and was frozen. Our doctor mentioned that she would consider waiting to Day 5 for the transfer this time around, especially as our frozen one is Day 5 – she wants them to be the same. We like this plan!

This gives me some time to concentrate on work for a little while, get my body healthy and start growing some strong eggs! What is amazing is what the horrrorscopes says for me next week…

I was already planning on going back on my sugar free, healthy diet next week! Freaky! Sooooo….which old friend should I Skype on Sunday next week and wants to reveal a long-held secret to me??!!!?!

Grow some thicker skin

September 30, 201511 Comments

“So grow some thicker skin, speak up kindly or just ignore them. I know it is cool to say the old sticks and stones chant is passe. You have to let the hurt sink in or you don’t”

This was just one comment in response to a facebook post that went viral. Did you see it? Emily Bingham posted an ultrasound photo to catch everyone’s attention…and it worked:

It has been a topic of discussion on my facebook feed, and I ended up reading many other articles and blog posts that have been discussing it. It seems that all though many support it, there are almost an equal number of people who are ranting against it. I thought about writing my own post last night, but I was soooo enraged to read that one comment ‘grow some thicker skin’ that as I read it in bed very early this morning (suffering a bit of jet lag still) I had to get up and rant back.

So here I am ‘Bubba’. Writing about your one anonymous comment out of hundreds I have read in response to Emily Bingham’s facebook post. My skin is already thick from years of line of questioning about our childless status, in particular over the past year or so, I have been developing layers of hard, scaly, skin. I can now openly say to people I hardly know that my husband and I have been trying for a baby, and we have been terribly unlucky that mother nature has not yet given us our wish. Last week I even told a new work collegue that I had miscarried and it was STILL going on right now. Yes, my skin got thick. I just don’t care any more when people ask me if we are ever going to have kids. It’s not pretty anymore. My scaly, dry, scabby skin protects me from your line of questioning.

But I don’t want to be scaly, dry and scabby. I want soft, beautiful, glowy PREGNANCY skin. Oh and a baby – OK? So if you could just give us all a break may be I can focus on some more important issues…

Just one last thing, this is for the another commenter ‘S’. Emily’s facebook post is NOT a

“dangerous feminist attitude”

This affects men too. I can certainly say that my husband Chris gets these questions just as often as I do, and it equally hurts the men as the women. This is not an “anti-motherhood crusade”, as you say.

OK time to go to work now I have this off my chest!!!!!

(here is the link to the article with all the comments I quoted: https://gma.yahoo.com/woman-defiant-rant-fertility-shaming-strikes-nerve-134452981–abc-news-parenting.html)

The healing power of Stockholm and my Nobel Prize

September 27, 201515 Comments

As I return from my work travels in Stockholm, I have some down time to reflect upon our recent failed first round of IVF. I say ‘failed’…it’s actually quite difficult to say with any confidence that it was actually the IVF that failed us. It is possible I suffered an ectopic pregnancy, but the doctors were unable to confirm it, although they treated me for it with methotrexate to terminate the pregnancy to be on the safe side. Something was growing, they just could see it. If my pregnancy was truly ectopic, then it wasn’t the IVF that caused the demise of my pregnancy….the IVF treatment managed to get me pregnant, but my body decided it wasn’t going to succeed; my body simply decided that this wasn’t my time to join the pudding club.

Or it could all simply be described as just terrible bad luck. Sometimes, there is just no reason known to man why Mother Nature can be so cruel.

Of course, it is natural to blame oneself. There are several potential causal links to an increased risk of ectopic pregnancy: tubal damage, smoking, age, IVF – all of these increase the risk: approximately 1-2% of pregnancies are ectopic. But mostly there is just the plain and simple element of unfortunate luck. You can find on the web doctors who speculate that the risks are higher with IVF because either:

a) With a 3-day transfer, the embryo that would ordinarily be in Fallopian tube at this stage, seeks out the more fluffy warm tubes because that is where it thinks it should be, then gets completely lost and doesn’t ask for directions.
Or b) the doctor who performs the embryo transfer procedure places the embryos too high up in the uterus; or they are transferred too quickly and end up in the wrong place.

However, my doctor explained to me that statistically speaking, the risk of ectopic pregnancy doubles with IVF because generally there are two embryos being transferred and so that risk doubles from 1% to 2%. This makes a whole lot of sense to me. I was just unlucky.

I am thinking through all of this right now because I need to take away something positive from this failed cycle. I’ve got to get my cup half full again….and so the positive could be that we just needed that extra help from ICSI or the hormones, and I was just one of the really unlucky ones to not stay pregnant this time. Next time might just be our time. There is still no reason why it shouldn’t be.

I was feeling a little sorry for myself in my last post. But the last couple of days have been an improvement, and it is starting to look like our path is finally beginning to flatten out, allowing us to take a breather.

Time to catch a breather before heading off on to the foggy path called infertility.

I have been kept mentally busy with work, socialising and networking with my colleagues, so I have had little time to think emotionally about the failed round of treatment. Physically, the pain has dissipated, the bleeding continues (seriously, where does it all come from?!!?), but it is a very small amount that it has barely bothered me. I still feel exhausted, but jet lag most likely lays claim to the cause of that. I miss my pre-natal multi-vitamins, I really hope to be allowed to take them again soon. They help keep my bowels in shape and my energy up.

And I will grow back my positivity because over the next 3 months as we have a plan to get us to our next IVF cycle (hopefully if I get the all clear from my repeat HSG!!). In short – we have our 2 week, 2000 miles, road trip starting from Las Vegas, visiting various amazing places like Grand Canyon, Zion national park, Bryce Canyon, Monument Valley, Santa Fe, Albuquerque, Petrified Forest, Painted Desert, Hoover Dam and a whole lot more. I have another 3 work trips to Europe to fit in – Munich, Berlin and Brussels/Mons (I haven’t been to Berlin yet so that is exciting!). We have a consult with our doctor scheduled for late October to discuss the plan for the next cycle. I need to find some time to fit in a HSG once my period returns (seriously NOT looking forward to that). I am hoping my body is going to play nice and we can get an IVF cycle in just before Christmas. It’s also Chris’s Birthday soon and I want to organise a small party for him. And amongst all that we are going to try and fit in a weekend away to Shenandoah National Park to see the beautiful colours of autumn. No time for stopping over the next 3 months!!

Stockholm has done me a lot of good (despite the jet lag), I’m feeling mentally refreshed and excited to be moving forward. However, I was very disappointed to discover that my invitation to pick up my Nobel Prize must have got lost in the post.

No Nobel Prize for me…..But it was beautiful!

But I did get a chance to scope out the building they award them in, the museum my name would be listed in, and the best restaurants to celebrate at….May be someday I’ll be back 😉 bahahahahaha – Keep dreaming Dani!

The Nobel Museum, Stockholm – Something to reach high for 🙂

The party and the door mat

September 14, 201515 Comments

The party!

My hCG levels reduced from 3200 to 2696 – that’s about a 15% decrease!!! Time to party!! I’m heading out of the danger ectopic rupture zone!!

When I went in for my blood test, the nurse today asked me if I had taken a pregnancy test. I said no. She said ‘Oh’. I said I have had about 10 blood draws in the last 2 weeks. She said ‘Oh’. Yeh – Oh. Read your notes, love!

Then later this afternoon when a different nurse gave me my results and the good news, she passed me to the appointments desk to book my next beta hCG blood test. The lady asked why they kept making me come in for betas. I didn’t know how to answer that, and a moment passed and she said ‘Oh are they watching you levels fall? Oh I am sorry about that’. Yeh – Oh.

But anyway, despite all that! It is good news. I returned to work today, it was good to be back thinking about other things in life. I’m still hoping to be able to travel to Stockholm on Sunday!

Watch this space for a 3 month plan of attack!!!!

The door mat.

Whew!…my doormat took a bruising today from all those medical bills that miraculously landed on it!!! What timing!!! The good thing about my clinic is that they take a few months to process all the claims, so we have a delay in paying all our bills, the bad news is that they all tend to come at once. Ouchie. I logged into my insurance….and I have a lot of claims to process, each ultrasound comes as one individual bill. Each blood draw comes in two separate bills – one from the clinic, one from the lab. Considering how many of those I have had over the last few months, let’s just say my doormat is going to get a beating from all those bills* 🙂

*OK so in the US I actually have a post box on the side of my house, they don’t post letters through doors like they do in the UK, so really I am talking more about a metaphorical door mat.

A letter to all my friends

September 11, 2015September 11, 20152 Comments

Dear friend,

I hope this letter finds you well. At a time when we are feeling our lowest, I am trying to find ways to pick ourselves up, and I realised that all we really needed to do was think of you. I realised we haven’t sent you acknowledgement of everything you have done for us, you see you are probably unaware of how much of a difference you have made to us as we face difficult times. What I really want to you today is THANK YOU. So here we go….

Thank you for being our cheer leaders. Trying to conceive isn’t easy for everyone, and for some, like us struggling with infertility, it’s a mountain. We feel lucky that we have you by our sides through this journey. We are going to get there, and you keep reminding us that we will make it, but sometimes we forget where we are going and consider turning back. You are there to tell us to keep going, to cheer us on when the going gets tough. Thank you.

Thank you for being sensitive about our situation and trying to understand what it is like for us. We know that you have been keeping up with our blog so you can understand. Sometimes you have even helped us look at things from a different point of view. We can get tunnel vision, reminding us what else is around us is good for us. Thank you.

Thank you for covering for us at work, we know we haven’t exactly been the most reliable people to work with, but your flexibility is helping us out, and you know we would always repay the favour at the drop of a hat. Thank you.

Thank you for offering us a hand when the going has got tough. At times when we just feel like breaking down, you have been there with a hand to help us get up and at ’em. Sometimes, just your words of offering us a hand is more than enough to get us going. Your words and thoughts are greatly appreciated – we may not be able to reply straight away. Sometimes your words are so overwhelmingly filled with love that we are temporarily speechless and overcome that we just don’t know how to phrase a response. Thank you.

I hope that we can offer you as much love in return that you have shown us on our rocky path. I can’t wait for the day that we introduce our baby to the world and in that moment we will look to you with a heart full of so much thankfulness that you were there for us when we needed you most.

Thank you,

Your Friend,

When life gives you lemons – get a little help from your friends

Who am I and why am I here?

September 7, 201514 Comments

My very first blog post was written at 5AM, almost 9 months ago. One early weekend morning I just couldn’t get back to sleep. I had so many thoughts whirling around in my head, it hurt a lot. You see I was facing a mountain, I was just starting my journey to join the great pudding club under difficult circumstance, my journey to overcome infertility. After I had written my ideas down in that blog post, my head felt calmer, clearer – I felt free. I re-read my first published post to myself over and over again. My first post was entitled: “The Beginning? Or the Beginning of the End?” There was something comforting about seeing the words on the screen as I felt a huge relief begin to slip off my shoulders.

It was no longer a secret that Chris and I were struggling to get pregnant.

But WHO AM I?

Starting with the basics, I am a 32 year old Brit living in Virginia, USA. I moved here with my husband Chris after we decided we would like to try living abroad before settling down with children. So I applied for a job with a 3 year contract, and here we are!! 2 years and 9 months later, now with the offer of a permanent contract in our hands, we have decided to stay for a little bit longer.

We are not done with the USA just yet, Chris and I both have good jobs and we still have a lot of America to see. A big part of our decision to stay longer is that my job offers excellent insurance coverage, including amazing infertility coverage. If we returned back to the UK, we would have to wait a long time to receive IVF treatment with the NHS – we could probably afford one round of treatment privately, but that would require taking on debts.

I can tell you that with my blog you will see an open and honest woman, but I am not good with confrontation, so it is unlikely I will be offending anyone anytime soon. You will read about infertility treatment, infertility research, dealing with emotions, what it is like as a Brit living in the US and maybe I might talk about what has got my goat that day. However, I can be very emotional – although I am an analyst by profession, I apply emotion to my research – what I really mean is that, yes – I am a scientist, but I’m more of a social scientist, so I tend to challenge the statistics and look for other explanations, I don’t like to follow ‘the algorithm’. Although I do LOVE a good chart or stat. Seriously, I have a mug at work that says “I love Spreadsheets”, some of my military colleagues think I’m a big geek. I also like learning and trying new things, although friends who have known us for a lot longer will tell you that we have been less adventurous over the last 2 years than we ordinarily are, but this is one of the sad effects of infertility.

Why am I here?

Blogging gives me a sense of off loading the whirlwind of thoughts that infertility brings to a couple. But I have discovered something far more valuable – a community of like-minded bloggers who support and care for each other. Sure you can find support in forums, but there is something longer lasting about blogging – a personal insight into an incredible journey and a deeper level of love and support.

My blog has also provided an avenue for friends and family to keep up-to-date with our journey, we have opened up a level of awareness to people who had no idea what infertility entails, and this will continue to be another goal of mine. Infertility is not a dirty word, it is nothing to be ashamed of – yes it hurts so so much, but it can hurt a lot less with the love and understanding from those around you. I have experienced this myself. This is why my blog is open to everyone and anyone who wants to understand. Please follow, and please comment – I am always open to alternative views, ideas and suggestions!

Nothing….

September 1, 2015September 1, 201520 Comments

There was nothing there on the ultrasound screen, just my beautiful uterus – empty. There was the teeniest tiniest black spot that may have been the beginning of a sac, but it was so small my Doctor was not certain. She didn’t need to say anything for me to quickly realise that I was not one of the lucky 1%. My doctor checked my ovaries: my right one is still hyperstimulated from the IVF and I had some VERY big follicles/cysts (but this is normal for after IVF and of no concern, but may explain any pain I may have here), my left ovary too was swollen, but not as bad as my right one.

What does this mean? It was difficult for my doctor to say without knowing what my beta test results are. If my hCG levels are continuing to rise, it is likely that I have a tubal pregnancy (ectopic pregnancy – a pregnancy that grows outside of the uterus). If my hCG levels are falling, then it will be safe to assume that I have a chemical pregnancy* and the little black spot on the screen was indeed huckleberry.

My symptoms have been spotting dark brown blood since Friday, general abdominal pains all day Monday, my spotting surprisingly stopped today (Tuesday). I have had some pains specifically on my left side, although not overly sharp pains, and I pointed out to the doctor (doctors – there were 2 others in the room with her) where this was….yeh, about where my ovary/fallopian tubes are.

If this is a chemical pregnancy then the doctor will prescribe me some medication (a vaginal pessary, I cannot remember the name of it) to help my body along with expelling the uterine pregnancy. If this medication doesn’t work, or my hCG levels come back higher with a likelihood of a tubal pregnancy, then I will be prescribed Methotrexate (an intramuscular injection – YEY another injection, of course!!!). I want to avoid taking this drug because it will mean we are not allowed to conceive for at least another 3 months because the chemical can stay in the body and harm a developing embryo. But at the same time, we don’t want to wait and see for too long because there is a chance my tube could rupture and I would lose a fallopian tube. I have read that even after being given the shot their tube still ruptured because it was left too late.

So I was asking you to hope with me that I didn’t bleed, but now I want to bleed….please, please body, just bleed!!! I think this will be one of those times when I cry tears of happiness when I start to bleed full flow! I know it will also be sad at the same time….choo choo, all aboard the emotional train wreck!!!

I mentioned that there were two other doctors in the room, one was ‘shadowing’, the other was a fellow (no not a chappie you silly Brits!!!). The fellow interjected and answered some of our questions, he was clearly very knowledgeable, but there was a lot of bouncing around between them. Chris was getting frustrated with the information we were receiving, they were talking to us as if we were medical professionals. It took 5 minutes of Chris’s continued questioning to get the doctors to say that despite the miscarriage being bad (and sad), what we were seeing was ‘normal’ or ‘common’. What they really needed to start out with was – don’t worry, there is nothing seriously wrong with you, chemical pregnancies happen frequently with IVF (because they are transferring 2 embryos). I think I had a bit more knowledge than Chris and didn’t feel quite as frustrated because I had googled a lot on miscarriage, chemical pregnancy, blighted ovum and have read forums/blogs etc. So my lesson here is to share more of my ‘google expert medical opinion’ knowledge with Chris before these types of appointments.

We also discussed my hCG levels (49, 110 and 345) and my doctor did admit that my first hCG result of 49 was borderline low- to non viable. So why, oh why, did the other doctor (who did my IUIs) seem so happy and chirpy on the phone, proceed to tell me my progesterone and estrogen levels were excellent but fail to tell me my hCG level. All it required was this: “Congratulations Ms Dani, you are pregnant, but your levels were a little lower than average, we would like to see you again in 5 days just to make sure you levels are doubling nicely. Your estrogen & progesterone levels are excellent, so this is a good thing.” Expectation management is not a bad thing.

So – we have one big question answered, I feel a relief, albeit a sad relief – there is no viable pregnancy. The next big question we wait for an answer is – is this a chemical pregnancy or a tubal pregnancy?

*A chemical pregnancy is a clinical term for a very early miscarriage. It happens before an ultrasound could even detect a heartbeat (before the 5th week of gestation). This occurs when an egg is fertilized but it does not implant on the uterine wall. Chemical pregnancies are actually quite common, occurring in 50 – 60% of first pregnancies. There are many possible causes of chemical pregnancy – inadequate uterine lining, low hormone levels, luteal phase defect, infection, or other unknown reasons. The most common assumption is that they are due to chromosomal problems in the developing foetus. This can result from poor sperm or egg quality, genetic abnormalities from either mother or father, or abnormal cell division of the foetus.

Facebook – the good, bad and ugly

August 8, 2015August 8, 201522 Comments

Hi, my name is Dani, and I have been a facebook addict for about ten years. I don’t want to give it up just yet, but we have been having a love-hate relationship recently. Let me explain the good, bad and ugly of facebook to you.

The GOOD.

On Thursday’s egg retrieval we did something very random and spontaneous. After Chris put his ‘egg packing uniform’ on, the nurse asked if we would like a photo of us together. After the nurse snapped a few of us posing together and left chuckling at us (in a nice way), I asked Chris to strike a pose for me in his beautiful attire. (I posted pictures of him posing yesterday) I laughed about putting it on facebook. He said, go on then! I wasn’t quite sure if he really meant it. I pointed out that people would ask why he was wearing it. How would you respond to that?

Chris has been quite adamant in the past that he does not want to post anything on facebook about our infertility, he doesn’t want to share it with the world, and I respect him for that. The only time I have posted something on facebook was when he gave me my first injection on Valentines day. The post was vague enough that only one or two people asked us questions about it. I also shared an article about infertility awareness week, I had only one question about that one.

So I sat there with the photo of the two of us in our surgery attire that the nurse had taken and pondered what to write along with it. I crafted something positive, short and to the point. And then I cried. I was about to chicken out of it, but then a thought popped into my head, what the heck – why should we have to hide this big life event? So I pressed ‘Post‘. 20 seconds later my phone vibrated, and again, and again, and again. I was nervous to look at it. What type of comments would I get? Would people just press like and be too afraid to comment? I was starting to feel sick to my stomach. Here is what I posted:

After the transfer procedure was completed, Chris then posted a picture of our embryos from his own facebook account “Apparently babies come from raspberries”:

Our first post received 232 likes and 73 comments wishing us love and luck. My phone did not stop buzzing all day yesterday. And then came the personal private messages. Statistically speaking, infertility is likely to affect about 20 couples out of this group of people. Of course friends we know who had gone through IVF contacted us either on facebook or privately to wish us luck and offer a hand/advice if ever needed, but then there was some of our friends who we discovered had been silent about their treatment for infertility who messaged us too. We had private messages of inspiration and warm wishes. We were astounded by this response and feel so much love filled in our hearts.

I cannot possibly feel negative for a while after all this support!!!

It is difficult going through infertility when a number of close friends and family are so physically far away. Facebook provides us with the ability to stay connected with them – sure there are other means to do this (Skype, whatsApp, Email etc), but it allows us to deal with the timezone differences and still feel connected. This to me makes facebook a GOOD commodity in helping us build friendships that help carry us through the bad times of infertility.

I can imagine some people reading this will be thinking we are crazy for posting what we did, but it wasn’t something that came naturally, rather it is something that has taken time to learn to be comfortable with. I started to take the stance of not hiding our infertility a few months ago, if moments came up in conversations I would talk about it (awkwardly), and now I feel a lot more comfortable talking about it than I used to, I don’t whisper at work anymore and I may even start a conversation about it. The underlying point is that it has taken time to become comfortable and not ashamed of what we are going through.

The BAD

By posting what we did before the embryo transfer, we have opened up our hearts to a much wider audience, and if things don’t go well for us it’s going to be hard to deal with so much condolence on our hands. We are now vulnerable. We are also vulnerable to comments and unwelcome advice that drive you mad when you are going through infertility. We can’t filter these comments out from facebook. We shouldn’t just de-friend someone because they made a hurtful comment that they didn’t realise they were making. But we can de-friend people who turn out to just not be real friends or purposefully spite us with hurtful comments, at least we can block them from that part of our lives. Fortunately, I have never experienced anything spiteful, malicious or hurtful regarding our infertility.

The other thing about facebook that is just plain BAD are the pregnancy announcements and baby photos that plaster your newsfeed. For some people suffering from infertility, this should probably be in the UGLY section. But I actually don’t mind pregnancy announcements, especially if they are close friends. I do get a little bit tetchy when ultrasound photos are incessant, but you know what I can do? I can edit the facebook options so that I don’t see their posts unless I want to or choose to go to their facebook page when I am feeling good to see what they have been up to.

The UGLY

For me, the ugliest thing about facebook are those targeted ADVERTS. Pregnancy, baby clothes, mom sites, nappies….aghhhhhhhhhh JUST GO AWAY!!!! I can cope with a pregnancy announcement any day over this crap. You know what also gets my goat? THE WORST. Targeted adverts about infertility. Clearly I browse infertility websites, so why does any infertility website think it is OK to use targeted advertising about infertility to appear on my facebook feed? Do their marketing people know anything about infertility?????????? Do people with cancer get adverts about cancer? Do they want to see adverts about cancer, just as they have gone in to remission? I guess it is an individual’s perspective about whether this type of advertising is useful or not. For me, this is just UGLY.

I wonder a lot about the algorithms facebook use to determine if an ad should be placed on my page. They use data from your profile, such as location, age, gender, interests, connections, relationship status, languages, education and workplaces. That is all pretty basic information. However, there is more personal information that facebook uses such as your listed likes and interests, pages you like, apps you use and other timeline content that you have provided. I decided to see what kind of information advertisers need to provide to facebook, and it is indeed seemingly innocent. Here is what I found:

Creating a facebook advert: infertility is an interest that can be directly targeted to a user

The interest “infertility” is possible to target an audience to, these are people who have liked content relating to terms such as PCOS infertility (audience 246,280), unexplained infertility (205, 540) or male factor infertility (31,960) or even resolve (22,850). ( By the way, I found the potential audience numbers really interesting – note how low male factor infertility is? )

Fortunately, I was educated a couple of days ago how to stop this from happening on your facebook page. Nara from the Zero to Zygote blog recently posted how to stop adverts (in fact any type of advert) that you do not like appearing on your facebook feed. You can check out her handy guide here. I am so grateful to her for this post, as soon as I read it I immediately went ahead and clicked on a stupid pregnancy ad I have been receiving over the last few days and changed my setting to block ads like that.

The second question is whether facebook uses data other than what is found on your profile and your actions on facebook, for example when you visit infertility blogs, forums and IVF clinic pages? The answer is yes, like many other websites, cookies and trackers are used to directly target the ads you see on your facebook page. Some people may call this spying, marketers would call this targeting. You may think that you can just turn off cookies and trackers in your browser, it’s easy to do, but facebook will not let you use certain features if you do this. However, you can limit it by following the instructions here: http://gizmodo.com/how-to-stop-facebook-from-sharing-your-browsing-history-1589918083.

Hopefully, for me now, the UGLY has just gotten a whole brand new makeover (thanks Nara!!!), the BAD has been put on the naughty step for a time out, and facebook has become more of the GOOD that I originally signed up for (thanks Chris!!).

Do you have any good, bad or ugly stories about infertility and facebook to share?

IVF DIARY VOL I: 29 JULY 2015

July 30, 2015July 30, 2015Leave a comment

Medication(s) administered and dosage(s). 3 injections: (AM) Cetrotide 0.25mg, (PM) Gonal-F 300iu and Menopur 75iu.

The cetrotide was a bit better this morning, but as I was distracted with getting to the clinic on time for my monitoring appointment I didn’t feel as bad as yesterday. Phew!

Medical procedures undertaken. Ultrasound and Estradiol blood test. My appointment was at 8AM, I arrived at 0750 and the receptionist told me that they were a team down and there may be some delays. I commented that was fine because it just meant I didn’t have to work for quite as long! However, it was at 0945 I was getting a little annoyed at the wait, AND I had drained my phone battery googling IVF success statistics. I had a new doctor I had not met before, she apologised profusely that she had been stuck in surgery. Oh well stuff happens. As soon as the doctor inserted the ultrasound wand and I saw all the follicles in my right ovary I almost cried with relief!

How do I feel today? Still feeling positive! My mum arrived from the UK today and we won our game of softball (that I managed to drag myself to despite feeling poo every time I bend over) so it was a pretty awesome day despite some of the pains in my tummy.

What are my symptoms? My stomach is still painful from the injections, but not quite as bad as yesterday.

How does Chris feel today? He tells me he is feeling good. He stabbed me four times with three injections today. I was watching this time and I burst out laughing as he managed to get the needle with the second attempt, which is NOT a good idea – jiggling about with a needle hanging in you!

Any results? 9 lovely follicles in the right ovary, so a couple of new ones have had a growth spurt, only 4 in the left….as the doctor said, it’s the lazy lefty ovary. But everything is on track and no adjustments to my medication required.

What’s next? Focusing on getting my project at work completed so I can focus my energy on next week.

Weight. No gain or loss today. Still not sure how.

Waist. Oh my waist is still a little pot bellied bloated.

Boobs. NSTR

Hours of Sunshine 🙂 About 15 minutes as I had a walk at lunch time with a friend to get some fresh air, and then about 1.5hrs in the glorious evening sun playing softball (well attempting to play softball without bending over too much, which is pretty difficult as I play Catcher!!!)

*Notes. I take First Response Reproductive Health multi vitamin gummies (pre-natal) and CoQ10 200mg gummies daily. NSTR = Nothing Significant To Report.